March 19, 2010

The Stockdale Paradox

Some of the best lessons I’ve learned about personal development come from a book that isn’t aimed at the personal development market at all. It’s a book about business and leadership, called Good to Great. Author Jim Collins and his research team spent five years trying to identify the common factors that separated good (or briefly great) companies, from companies which were able to achieve and then sustain excellence for fifteen consecutive years or more. While reading, I realized that almost all the findings in the book could be applied on a personal level as well. (I’ve even written about The Hedgehog Concept here before.)

While I would highly recommend that you get your hands on this book and read it in its entirety, today I’d like to share a part of it that has stuck with me most: The Stockdale Paradox.

The Stockdale Paradox is named after admiral Jim Stockdale, who was a United States military officer help captive for eight years during the Vietnam War. Stockdale was tortured more than twenty times by his captors, and never had much reason to believe he would survive the prison camp and someday get to see his wife again. And yet, as Stockdale told Collins, he never lost faith during his ordeal: “I never doubted not only that I would get out, but also that I would prevail in the end and turn the experience into the defining event of my life, which, in retrospect, I would not trade.”

Then comes the paradox: While Stockdale had remarkable faith in the unknowable, he noted that it was always the most optimistic of his prisonmates who failed to make it out of there alive. “They were the ones who said, ‘We’re going to be out by Christmas.’ And Christmas would come, and Christmas would go. Then they’d say, ‘We’re going to be out by Easter.’ And Easter would come, and Easter would go. And then Thanksgiving, and then it would be Christmas again. And they died of a broken heart.”

What the optimists failed to do was confront the reality of their situation. They preferred the ostrich approach, sticking their heads in the sand and hoping for the difficulties to go away. That self-delusion might have made it easier on them in the short-term, but when they were eventually forced to face reality, it had become too much and they couldn’t handle it.

Stockdale approached adversity with a very different mindset. He accepted the reality of his situation. He knew he was in hell, but, rather than bury his head in the sand, he stepped up and did everything he could to lift the morale and prolong the lives of his fellow prisoners. He created a tapping code so they could communicate with each other. He developed a milestone system that helped them deal with torture. And he sent intelligence information to his wife, hidden in the seemingly innocent letters he wrote.

Collins and his team observed a similar mindset in the good-to-great companies. They labeled it the Stockdale Paradox and described it like so:

You must retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties.

AND at the same time…

You must confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.

For me, the Stockdale Paradox carries an important lesson in personal development, a lesson in faith and honesty: Never doubt that you can achieve your goals, no matter how lofty they may be and no matter how many critics and naysayers you may have. But at the same time, always take honest stock of your current situation. Don’t lie to yourself for fear of short-term embarrassment or discomfort, because such deception will only come back to defeat you in the end.

Living the first half of this paradox is relatively easy, since optimism really isn’t that hard. You just choose to believe that it will all turn out for the best, and everything that happens to you is a means to that end. Simple as.

But optimism on its own can be a dangerous thing:

There’s no difference between a pessimist who says, “Oh, it’s hopeless, so don’t bother doing anything,” and an optimist who says, “Don’t bother doing anything, it’s going to turn out fine anyway.” Either way, nothing happens. – Yvon Chouinard, founder of Patagonia

So you need to embrace the second half of the Stockdale Paradox to really make strides. You must combine that optimism with brutal honesty and a willingness to take action.

Now of course, nobody likes admitting that they’re fat, that they’re broke, that they’ve chosen the wrong career or that their marriage is falling apart. But admitting such truths is an absolute necessity if you want to grow and improve. It might feel like you’re taking a few steps backward by doing so, but you can view that retreat as the pull-back on a sling shot: you’re just setting yourself up to make significant progress down the road.

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March 11, 2010

Why you should stop watching the news

“There are many things of which a wise man might wish to be ignorant.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

First, I should explain what I mean by “the news.” I’m referring to traditional news from traditional media, reporting on stories which are predominantly disheartening or shocking; job losses, natural disasters, crime, celebrity scandals, etc. That’s the type of news you should stop watching, reading and listening to.

Why? I’ll give you several reasons:

1. The news is depressing

Many news outlets try to throw in a few positive or cute stories every now and then, but I’d estimate that the ratio of negative to positive stories for the vast majority of them is at least 9:1. So every time you watch the news, you’re feeding yourself an overwhelming amount of negativity which infects your thoughts. Napoleon Hill wrote about the power of our thoughts in Think and Grow Rich:

Our brains become magnetized with the dominating thoughts which we hold in our minds, and, by means with which no man is familiar, these “magnets” attract to us the forces, the people, the circumstances of life which harmonize with the nature of our dominating thoughts.

In other words, the predominant thoughts you allow into your mind actually affect your reality. Knowing this, I’m not sure why anyone would subject themselves to all the negativity in the traditional news media. If you really want your news fix, subscribe to some positive news sources instead. I subscribe to DailyGood.org and get a positive, inspiring news story every day; the type of information that makes me feel good about the world.

2. The news is a poor representation of reality

You might respond to the last point with the following: But Niall, you’re just ignoring the real issues, deluding yourself to believe that the world is all sunshine and rainbows. That’s not realistic.

Yes, I guess you could say I’m deluding myself, but no more than those people who do watch the news. I’d argue that their view of the world is just as skewed, if not more so. They’re led to believe that the world is a heartless and violent place. All that bad news breeds fear and distrust. Old people sit at home all day reading about assaults and robberies in the newspapers, and because of that they’re terrified to go outside. News consumption can easily lead to a victim mentality, the belief that danger lurks around every corner, that every stranger is a potential mugger or rapist rather than a potential friend. That’s not the world I want to live in.

Now I’m not advocating that you avert your eyes whenever you walk by a TV tuned to CNN, or recoil from every newspaper like a vampire from sunlight. No, you shouldn’t go to drastic measures to avoid bad news for fear that it will corrupt your happy reality. What I am suggesting is that you stop going out of your way to invite all that negativity into your life in the first place.

3. Everything in the news is beyond your circle of influence

“It is imperative that you learn to ignore or redirect all information and interruptions that are irrelevant, unimportant, or unactionable. Most are all three.” – Tim Ferriss, The 4-Hour Work Week

Pretty much all the issues reported on TV and in the newspapers are beyond your circle of influence. As such, you can’t help solve those problems, and so it’s a waste of your time and energy to worry about them. You’d be infinitely better off using that time and energy to solve problems in your own life and community.

I look at it like this: watching the news does nothing to move me closer to my goals, and anything that isn’t moving me closer is holding me back, so I ditch it.

4. You don’t need to stay informed

The most common response I hear to the above arguments goes something like this: I watch the news to stay informed. I like to know what’s going on in my area and around the world.

First of all, I’m not sure how anyone can “like” absorbing information that affects their thoughts and emotions in a negative way. That’s certainly not my idea of a good time. But let’s address this idea that you might be “uninformed” and “miss out” if you don’t keep up with the news.

Say you didn’t watch any news television, listen to any news radio or read any newspaper for a whole year. What would be the worst thing that could happen if you managed to avoid all that? Maybe you’d miss hearing about that massive tidal wave heading your way, and end up very wet on account of your non-conforming, non-news-consuming ways. But then, you’d have to believe that if some such impending disaster was inevitable, you’d be likely to hear it mentioned by someone in your social circle and have enough time to build yourself a raft.

Phew. Crisis averted.

5. You’ll never know it all anyway

Even if you try your best to stay up to date with all the latest news, you’ll still fall well short of knowing everything. There is so much happening in the world and so much written about it, that the most you can hope to learn is a lot about a little.

Henry Ford knew this well. During World War I, he sued a Chicago newspaper for libel after they referred to him as “an ignorant pacifist.” As part of their defense, the newspaper’s attorneys set out to prove that Ford was indeed ignorant by putting him on the stand and asking him a series of general knowledge questions. Ford admitted that he couldn’t answer most of them, but noted that he had the means to, with the touch of a button, summon to his aid people who could supply any knowledge he desired. What then, would be the use of him cluttering up his mind with such information?

6. You can catch up quickly if you need to

To find information nowadays, you don’t have to be rich and connected like Henry Ford, because, luckily, there’s this thing called the Internet that levels the playing field. Thanks to Google, rather than letting all kinds of unfiltered and irrelevant information find and consume you (as is the case when you browse news websites), you can search just for specific information relevant to your situation. Get in, get what you need, get out. Kinda like an appendectomy.

As Napoleon Hill wrote when recounting the Ford story in Think and Grow Rich:

An educated person is not necessarily one who has an abundance of general or specialized knowledge… Any person is educated who knows where to get knowledge when it is needed and how to organize that knowledge into definite plans of action.

Another way of finding information quickly is via a device called a telephone, with which you can converse with people who know more about the subject than you do, and ask them questions about it. It’s fun, you should try it.

Now that you understand the foolishness of watching the news, I hope you’ll take action to reduce your information intake. Do it and you’ll find yourself with much more peace of mind and time to spare. Enjoy.

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March 5, 2010

Checking your motivation

A friend recently expressed concern that I’m too into personal development, and suggested I should dial it back a little and be more content with the person I already am. She saw my constant drive to improve as fear-based, as if I was constantly telling myself, “I don’t like who I am, I have to change!”

My friend was wrong. I very much like who I am right now. In fact, I consider myself to be pretty damn fantastic*. My drive comes from a place of excitement and curiosity, not fear. I love pushing myself, finding new challenges/experiences and learning from them. I love looking back every twelve months and saying “Wow, I’ve come so far in just one year!”

I’m glad my friend raised that concern though; she reminded me to check my motivation. I think that’s an important exercise for anyone involved in personal development. Every now and then, stop and ask yourself if your motivation comes from a place of fear or excitement.

I came across a good method for testing my motivation in the book Putting on the Heart of Christ by Gerald M. Fagin, who tells of a wise spiritual director who once asked him two “why” questions, and said that the second “why” was more important. Fagin gives the following example:

Why do you want to get a PhD?

“I want to be as educated as possible.”

Why do you want to be as educated as possible? Is a PhD a condition of your worth? Do you need it because you will then be accepted and worthwhile and looked up to? Or is it because you have a love of teaching and research and you wish to minister to others through teaching? In other words, do these and other decisions flow from freedom and love or from fear and compulsion? Fear leads to compulsion and slavery. Love leads to true desires which lead to freedom.

I find this to be an effective approach, though you may need to go deeper than the second “why” to root out your true motivation for something.

Try it yourself:

  • Why do you want that job or promotion? Is it because you love the work or because you fear poverty? Or is it that you crave the admiration of your peers? If the job came with minimal pay, would you still be interested? Why don’t you find work doing something that excites you? Why are you postponing fun and adventure until retirement?
  • Maybe you don’t want that job or promotion. In that case, why not? Are you afraid of success or failure? Or is it that you’d rather focus your time and efforts on something more meaningful and worthwhile? Perhaps the thought of more responsibility is terrifying to you. Why is that?
  • Why do you want a boyfriend or girlfriend? Are you afraid of being alone, or do you genuinely want to share love and intimacy with someone? Do you consider what you can bring to a relationship, or are you only concerned about what you can get from it? Do you think it’s in another person’s best interest to get involved with you? Why are your standards so high or low?
  • Why do you go to church? Is it out of habit, or do you get some positive benefit from it? Do you just like the social aspect of being in a big building with lots of people, or do you find real truth and value in the sermons you hear? Do you cling to religious doctrine to avoid thinking for yourself? Do you even try to practice what is preached?

There are no right or wrong answers to these questions. Taking time to consider them is simply an exercise in becoming more conscious of your own motivations and beliefs. I’d recommend writing out your responses to keep your thoughts organized and record any resolutions you come to. They’re hard questions, yes, but ask yourself only the easy ones and you’ll make no progress.

* Note to self: must work on humility.

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February 25, 2010

Wanted: Friends with big ambitions

I’m writing this after getting off the phone with my cousin. He was talking about joining a few writer’s groups, which I think is a great idea. I’ve recently been thinking a lot about the importance of such groups and surrounding yourself with like-minded people.

Equally important, is guarding yourself against people who dampen your creativity and passion and big thinking. I truly believe that I can make a significant, positive impact on many people’s lives as long as I’m here on Earth; I can help make the world a better place. I believe, that when I die, the world will be better off from my having been here.

That’s how I feel. That’s what I work towards.

And recently I’ve been realizing that I need to surround myself with more people who feel the same way about themselves. There’s huge power in a group of like-minded people coming together, working together, encouraging one another. Many of my friends, as much as I love them, are content with settling for mediocrity. That’s all well and good if it makes them happy, but it doesn’t always serve me or my lofty goals well to be around them.

To quote Marianne Williamson:

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn’t serve the world.

Now I’m not about to ditch a bunch of my friends because they can’t help me achieve what I want to achieve. They’re good people with good hearts who I often enjoy being around. (Plus, I realize friendship is a two-way street, not solely about what I can get from it.)

What I do need to do though, is find a better balance. I need to be around more of those big-thinking people who believe they can change the world. Because they’re precisely the ones who will, and I want to be right there with them.

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February 18, 2010

14 Ways You Can Be More Effective

Approximate reading time: 8 minutes (while eating an apple).

A friend recently asked me for advice on time-management, she having noticed that I seem to get quite a lot done in a typical week without killing myself. In this post I’ll share a few time-management tips and tricks that work for me. Many of these come from trying and testing different methods I’ve come across, most notably in books like The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and The 4-Hour Work Week; others are common sense approaches which most people fail to use consistently.

Before we get into it, I should note that the term “time-management” is a bit of a misnomer. You can’t manage time. It keeps on ticking no matter what you do. It’s a non-renewable resource which can be used either constructively or destructively. All you can hope to do is manage yourself to make the best use of your time. That is, you can decide to spend it productively on the things that are most important to you. You can invest your time wisely instead of letting it go to waste.

On to the tips…

1. Prioritize

Prioritization is of the utmost importance. You need to figure out all your goals and give yourself some targets. If you have no targets, you’ll have nothing to aim at, and so you’ll surely miss.

I like to sit down at least once a quarter and figure out my priorities and goals. I use Steve Pavlina’s method for doing this, as described in his Truth and Awareness podcast. Basically, you write down how you feel about several different areas of your life and score each out of ten according to your level of satisfaction. This gives you a good idea of what your focus should be going forward. (For example, if you score 2/10 for physical health, you know that this is an area where you should be focusing a lot of your time and energy for the next few months.) From this exercise, I usually end up with about five things I want to focus on going forward, and I’ll rank them in order of importance so I’ll know which should take precedence during a conflict.

I can’t emphasize the importance of prioritizing enough. Once you’re clear on what your top goals are, you’ll be able to plan your time better to ensure you achieve them. Think effectiveness rather than efficiency. Busy people are often very efficient, but not always very effective. Doing something efficiently doesn’t make it important. Prioritizing helps you make effective use of your time.

2. Eliminate

Having figured out your priorities, you should now be in a better position to eliminate as much fluff as possible, keeping only the important items on your task list. The Pareto principle states that 80 percent of the effects come from 20 percent of the causes, meaning that a lot of the things we do have very little impact; the majority of our investments produce poor returns. We need to weed those out.

Since I’ve started prioritizing and setting goals, I’ve found that I’m much more self-assured and able to make good decisions quickly. I just have to ask myself if the action/inaction I’m considering will move me closer to one of my primary goals. If the answer is no, I drop it and move on to something else. If the answer is yes, I plunge ahead with confidence.

For this reason, I never play video games anymore and I spend very little time watching television or following the news. Those activities don’t move me closer to my goals at all, so I mostly consider them a waste of my time.

What are the things that you spend a lot of time on? Could that time be better invested?

3. Say No more often

Perhaps even better than elimination is prevention. We can free up more time for important tasks by saying No to unimportant tasks. I’ve gotten much better at this over the years, and it’s amazing how much free time it has opened up for me. Sure, there’s often some sacrifice (and occasionally some backlash or hurt feelings) involved, but it’s definitely worth it in the long run. An example for me would be helping friends and neighbors with their computers. Because I’m “a computer guy,” I often get asked to troubleshoot various problems, but fixing computers is something I’m not very good at, nor do I get much enjoyment from it. So I started saying No, and now I have more time to spend on other, more meaningful and enjoyable activities.

If you sometimes feel guilty for saying No, realize that your time is your time and nobody else’s. You get to spend it however you like, and it’s okay to be selfish every now and then.

4. Let bad things happen

This is good advice from Tim Ferriss. To achieve your goals, you occasionally need to let bad things happen. For me, that means ignoring help requests for the Coda-Slider gizmo I built. I could reply to all the posts in the forum and to all the e-mails I receive about Coda-Slider, but that would take time away from other things I’d rather be doing.

The skill here is the ability to tell which stuff you can let slide without suffering serious consequences later on.

5. Automate

Automate whatever you can then forget about it. A simple example for me would be my finances. I used to have to write a rent check every month, but then discovered that my bank can send out a check to my landlord automatically. I also have automatic savings transfers and bill payments. It didn’t take much to set all that up online, and the result is a nice chunk of extra time (and peace of mind) each month. Here’s a good post to get you started on automating your finances like I did.

What else can you automate? Can you subscribe to a magazine instead of going to the store to pick up a copy every week? Could you use Amazon’s Subscribe and Save service to have frequently used grocery items delivered to your door? What online tools can you use to speed up your browsing activities?

6. Use lists (to-do and not-to-do)

To-do lists are a no-brainer for productivity, but so many people fail to use them regularly. I use three lists at work to help me keep on track and stay productive:

One big job list. Every job I get goes on there, and I check them off once complete. I review this regularly to make sure nothing falls through the cracks.

A daily to-do list. This I prepare every day right before I leave the office, quickly writing out at least a half-dozen tasks that I want to complete the next day. This eliminates procrastination and indecision in the morning because I know right away what project to launch into.

A daily not-to-do list. Like the to-do list, I prepare this quickly every evening. It usually contains items like “don’t check e-mail until 10:30 at the earliest” and “no Facebook except at lunch time.” Essentially it’s a list of mini self-discipline challenges for the day, and it helps me cut out distractions and stay focused.

7. Set Reminders

Ever forget to do some small thing, and suddenly it’s a month later and that small thing has become a huge problem that needs your undivided time and attention? Or you’re just left kicking yourself because you missed out on a great opportunity?

That rarely happens to me, simply because I set reminders. See, I don’t trust my memory very much, and so I’ll set up regular reminders and be safe in the knowledge that I’ll be alerted long in advance of any possible emergency. I use Memo To Me and sometimes Google Calendar for my reminders. Just last week I got an e-mail from my past self reminding me to pay my vehicle registration, and yesterday I was reminded that it was about time I changed my extended-wear contact lenses.

I’ve gotten pretty good at remembering birthday’s, too ;-)

8. Set deadlines

Remember Parkinson’s Law: Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. Back in college, we’d be given two weeks to write an essay, and the vast majority of the class would end up rushing to the printer on the final afternoon, having just pulled an all-nighter to get the damn thing finished. Of course the two-week time frame had little to do with that panic. It would have been the same story with a one week or a one month deadline. We humans just have a tendency to put things off as long as they’re not deemed urgent. And then, when they do become urgent, we magically find a way to get them done.

So, if you want to be more productive, give yourself deadlines on tasks and goals. Giving yourself a deadline forces you to prioritize and hustle. Last summer, I’d been slacking for months on getting this and my dot biz website coded and launched. Then, on September 1, I decided that I’d have the two sites completed before the calendar flipped to October. Lo and behold, what I’d been putting off for so long got done. The deadline made all the difference.

It’s important not to set easy deadlines, too. You’re looking to create a sense of urgency, to set yourself a challenge that excites you. That will get you focused. If I’m slacking at work, I’ll sometimes halve my deadlines to ensure I don’t sit around wasting time all day.

A good question to ask yourself: How would I handle this task if it had to be done in 15 minutes?

9. Be proactive

Laziness is a snowball rolling down a hill. If you sit down and watch TV for half an hour, you’re not likely to want to go and do something productive afterwards. But fortunately, productivity works the same way. Getting things done begets getting things done. Hence the saying, “if you want something done, ask a busy person to do it.”

Now that’s not to say you should always be busy. Obviously there’s a lot to be said about taking time to relax and recharge (see the next point). But don’t cheat your future self. Make the most of idle moments to tidy your desk, do the dishes, send that e-mail, etc. Use those idle moments to invest in your future, even if it’s something as simple as doing your groceries during Thursday lunch so you can sleep in an extra hour on Saturday.

10. Energize

If you have more energy, you can get more done. Now how do we get energy? Mostly we get it from food, rest and exercise.

Food. Fuel for your body. Put good fuel in, get good performance out. Try to eat foods that don’t require too much digestive energy. That is, mostly plants. Cut back on heavily processed foods, and drinks like alcohol, coffee and soda. Try not to eat late at night. Pay attention to how your energy levels rise/fall after consuming different types of food. There’s no one diet out there that’s perfect for everyone, so you’ll need to experiment to find out what works best for you.

Rest. Not just sleep, but also things like meditation, vacations and deep breathing fit in here. Basically, anything that allows your mind to relax and your body to recharge. Allowing yourself ample time to rest and recuperate is crucial if you want to be able to perform consistently at a high level. There’s a fine line to walk here though; be careful not to slip into lazy territory.

Exercise. It’s easier to win the race when you’re in great shape. You only have one body so treat it well, take it out for a run every now and then, play a sport, dance, have fun. You don’t have to become an athlete, but keep your body active. It’s a sound investment. You can also use exercise as a way to socialize, relieve stress and practice goal setting/achievement.

11. Batching

Do you put a small amount of fuel in your car each morning, or fill it up once every few days? Which makes more sense? Which saves more time? Apply that logic to more areas of your life.

Here are a few examples of how I use batching to save time:

E-mail filters. One of my Gmail filters is for Facebook alerts. Anything that comes in from Facebook skips the inbox and sits in a folder waiting for me. That way I don’t get distracted by Facebook messages when I log in to check my e-mail. At lunch I’ll take a minute to go through all those alerts and be done with them. I use Gmail filtering excessively for this type of thing.

Movies and TV. I don’t watch much TV as it is, but when I do, it’s rarely in real-time. I’ll record basketball games and TV shows and watch them later, allowing me to fast-forward through all the ad breaks. That way, an hour-long TV show can be watched in less than 40 minutes. For movies, I save time by using Netflix (no need to go to the store).

Lunch. I’ve been making my own lunches and bringing them to work for a couple of years now, but just recently I started batching them. That is, I make all my lunches for the week in one batch at the weekend. So instead of getting out all the ingredients and utensils five times a week, I now do it just once.

Mail. I don’t check my mailbox everyday. More like twice a week, and I try deal with everything right there and then.

12. Measure, then manage

What gets measured gets managed. Try to boil things down to cold, hard facts. Think you might be spending too much time on trivial tasks? If you recorded your time vigilantly for a week, you’d know for sure.

If you work with computers, RescueTime is a good tool for tracking your productivity (the Solo Lite version is free). Away from the screen, you may have to resort to the old pen and paper approach. Be careful not to go overboard though. Remember that the long-term goal here is to free up more time to do fun stuff, and the payoff shouldn’t be obsessively counting seconds and stressing out for 30 hours a week.

Measuring before managing isn’t just applicable to time either; you can use it to get ahead in many other ways. For example, a few weeks ago I calculated all my financial expenses and figured out how much cash I can afford to play with each week. I now know exactly where I stand with my money, and can make decisions accordingly.

What measurements can you take to help you manage your time/finances/health/whatever more effectively?

13. Ride the wave

Go with the flow when you can. Doing something when you feel like it is much more effective than forcing yourself when you’re really not in the mood. As such, recognize when you’ve got a good flow going and ride it for as long as possible. This often applies to me when I’m writing. Sometimes the words and ideas flow out easily and other times it can be a gigantic struggle to write a single paragraph. When I feel that flow, I’ll do my best to milk it, moving things around on my schedule to accommodate if necessary.

This isn’t to say that you should just admit defeat and give up if you’re not in the zone. As Liz Gilbert talked about in her TED speech, you have to show up for work every day regardless.

14. One thing at a time

Don’t have the TV on while you’re trying to study. Don’t talk on the phone while reading a book. Don’t have one on eye on your inbox while writing an article (I’m always suspicious of people who e-mail me back in a hurry).

Multitasking has been proven to be ineffective. Some people might get more done by simultaneously juggling several tasks, but the quality of their work suffers at the expense of quantity.

Focus hard on one thing at a time. Block off a chunk of time, give that one thing all your attention and see how fast you can rip through it. Once it’s done, check it off your list and move on to the next thing.

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