Momentos: October 16th – October 31st, 2018


A few years back in Brazil there was a lot of uncertainty in my business. So I started working out a lot more. I think it was to regain a sense of control. I wasn’t sure how I’d earn money that month, but I knew I could bang out a few circuits each day. Right now I’m going through a transition period with my business, uncertainty creeping in, feeling that strong urge to exercise again.


On top of the exercise, I’m also exerting more control over my diet. I used to eat super-healthy six days a week and then, if I’d earned it, do a cheat day on Saturdays. Stopped that earlier this year, but have slipped a bit too much now, throwing cheesecake and coffee into my face whenever I feel like it. Time to get back on track.


Heard about two things making headlines on a podcast today: that Kanye fiasco at the White House, and that scary IPCC climate change report. Now I consider myself a fairly level-headed person with my priorities in order and not at all interested in celebrity ridiculousness. But of course I went and googled the Kanye thing first. Which tells me we’re all fucking doomed.

Wrecked after a few step sprints
Wrecked after a few step sprints


After a while you get a feel for who’s going to buy and who won’t. That guy last month who asked for one more week to buy at a discount. Gave him the extra week; never heard from him again. Someone messaged me today asking if my course is any good – the kind of question that doesn’t inspire confidence.


Thinking back a few years, remembering some lonely times, longing to meet someone. I’ve since found her, and we’re spending the weekend exploring scenic villages in volcanic craters. I tell her that if we were on a colony spaceship and her hibernation pod malfunctioned and she would be alone for 90 years, I’d definitely want her to wake me up.


Thinking a lot about incentives lately. Facebook is broken because their customer is the advertiser, not the user. They’re incentivized to keep the advertisers happy first and foremost. On a personal level, I’ve found myself complaining too much the past few weeks. To correct course, I need an incentive, and I reckon I found a good one.

Visiting the famous sand dunes at Maspalomas
Stopping by the famous sand dunes at Maspalomas


On second thought, there are some very smart people working at Facebook. I’m sure they’ve crunched the numbers and run fancy simulations on switching from an advertising model to a subscription model. If it made sense they’d do it, but apparently it does not make sense. Not financial sense, anyways.


Fell deep down the numerology rabbit hole this morning, got lost for a good five hours. Request a numerology report about yourself and it’s easy to believe it. They make you sound awesome. But run the numbers for people like Hitler and bin Laden and you quickly see how full of shit the whole thing is. Well, at least that one particular website. But that one seems to have the biggest following, so probably doing the most damage.


If you refused to jump into a river to save a drowning child because you were wearing a $1000 suit, you’d be an asshole. Meanwhile, on any given day you can go online and donate much less than that to save a child’s life. But you don’t do that, do you? Not on a regular basis, anyway. And neither do I. What does that make us?

Meeting up with my doppelgänger Sam Chillcott in Las Palmas
Meeting up with my doppelgänger Sam Chillcott in Las Palmas


Latest video turning into a beast, will probably end up being 25 minutes, all about numerology. I was cutting out photos of Adolf Hitler, Fred West and Donald Trump for it today. Will throw another chunk of hours at it tomorrow and get it finished. No choice really, got that $1000 penalty if I miss the deadline.


Watching basketball with ten thousand people. Guy to my right is a younger me, living and dying with every play. I lived and died on the inside though. This guy is wearing it all on his sleeve, jumping up and down, throwing his hands in the air, yelling obscenities at the refs. His team will lose and he’ll go home pissed off. Poor chap.


Bought me a new tripod today. Nothing fancy, but a definite improvement over what I was using. Need to start investing in some better video gear if I’m going to take this thing to the next level. I see certain YouTubers looking all shiny and fresh with their slightly blurred backgrounds and slick edits. That’s the icing on the cake, sure, but hey, who doesn’t like icing?


Made myself sit and meditate for 20 minutes this morning. I’d been getting up the past few days and diving straight into work, skipping the morning routine. As a result, I was finding it harder to get to sleep, waking up mid-thought, attention span shot, realizing the truth of something Blaise Pascal once wrote: “All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.”


After all the hours spent on that numerology video, I published it today to a whimper. Meanwhile, I threw together a rhyme about my big nose, recorded it live, and that has 3x the views already. No complaints though. I’m proud of both videos, and I’ll keep on making more, adding to the body of work.


Tweaked my back last week on a simple stretch. Thought it’d be grand by now but still can’t walk properly. Found a chiropractor here, his English as broken as my Spanish. Odd times this eve in his clinic, me stripped down to me stripy jocks, him contorting my almost naked self in a variety of ways. I felt strangely comfortable there in my underwear with a fully dressed man.


Imagine what it must have been like, before photography, to be intimate with someone, to get up really close and look in their eyes. We kind of take it for granted now, because you can stare at eyes and faces up close and in brilliant detail via screens and magazines whenever you want. But before all that you really only got so close in love or war.

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  1. Re: 16 and 17, that makes a lot of sense. It’s kind of like the idea of making your bed first thing in the morning. It’s a small win, but a win nonetheless.

    Knowing a wee bit about how our brains work, that is also a very smart thing to do. With your business, you are experiencing the “dip” or that moment when you’ve let go of one trapeze, but haven’t caught the next one yet. So, exercising and eating healthy provide you with 1) an outlet for that stress energy and accumulated adrenaline, and 2) reinforcement that doing the hard thing will pay off over time.

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