We’re not broken
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Every now and then, when someone begins to understand just how obsessed I am with personal development, they’ll say something like this:
“Why the need for constant improvement? Can’t you just be satisfied being who you are?”
The answer is in that second question.
Who I am, is someone who loves personal development and enjoys nothing more than building new skills and becoming the best person I can be. I’m very satisfied being that person.
If you don’t like pushing yourself or trying new things regularly, no worries. As long as you’re happy living like that, knock yourself out. But that life isn’t for me. It’s not for a lot of people.
Please don’t try to fix us. We’re not broken.
If you’re like me — someone who constantly seeks to better yourself, and is very happy in doing so — please ignore anyone who says you have a problem. Because you don’t.
Keep doing what you do, no need to apologize for being you.
This is an important question to consider. I like the double entendre of “we’re not broken”.
What it suggests to me is that we’re not interested in personal growth because we’re somehow broken and need to be fixed. Instead, it says that we’re already star performers in life, who want to get even better. At least that’s the way I approach things with my coaching clients
At the same time, it’s a response to others who think we’re overdoing it with the self-improvement stuff, and “can’t you just sit back and chill?” – that is, we’re into this kind of thing the way someone else might be into Sudoku or knitting. It’s important to us.
I looked into this in a previous post, but it sounds like I might be due for giving it some deeper thought
http://thirtytwothousanddays.com/blog/2010/03/self-improvement-versus-self-acceptance/
Thanks for the comment, Jack. I read that post you linked to and really liked this part:
“Accept your current life situation, exactly as it is, and accept the fact that this life situation will inevitably change, both with unflinching honesty.”
Thanks Niall. That does sound kind of poetic, doesn’t it.
I loved this. I subscribed instantly to your blog and love the message you are putting out there. I am reminded of this quote by John Wooden (famous basketball coach)
“If you go as far as you can see, you will then see enough to go even farther.”
We benefit from people who are willing to go as far as they can go and while there is a benefit to sitting back and relaxing to re-energize we may be meant for more than just chilling. People who focus too much on having others sit back and relax may be uncomfortable about sitting back and relaxing themselves about having other sit back and relax.
They need to control others may make them feel better about not doing the improving themselves in the same way. 
I say this tongue in cheek as well because extremes at both ends doesn’t only become a detriment but doesn’t allow for humor too.
Thanks for the comment, Garfield. I think you’re right about discomfort. People who dig personal development often feel uncomfortable around people who are just happy taking the easy road in life, and vice versa. I believe the answer is mutual respect. Neither side is wrong; they just have different viewpoints.
BTW, have you seen John Wooden’s TED talk? Highly recommended. Here’s the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0MM-psvqiG8
Niall, this sounds soooo good! This title will became one of my preferred quotes ever!
And I feel not only a person has to be ok loving personal development, but in every aspects of her personality: I’m not satisfied with a regular job, pursuing a standard career. So what? It’s just me, don’t try to fix me.
I think that people tend to “fix” other people only because of uneasiness: people try to fix you because you represent something they actually envy, somewhere deep in their heart. Maybe “envy” is a strong word; perhaps they just feel like you’re doing something extraordinary they don’t dare to try, you demonstrate that a different life is possible; you’re a menace for their quiet, boring, established routine. You’re just out of their comfort zone. They’re afraid that with your existence you state that their existence is worthless.
Ok, I’ve been a little extreme, but I think that there’s fear behind so many of our actions.
Thanks for the comment, Sara.
I agree with what you’re saying, definitely. I noticed that “envy” myself many times over the years. It’s like people see all the things you’re doing as a threat to them. Like when I gave up eating meat, many people felt uneasy being around me. Same with giving up alcohol. I believe that uneasiness demonstrates that the person isn’t comfortable with the decisions he/she has made.
I sometimes get caught up in word count and other such nonsense when blogging because I feel guilty for not updating more.
Thank you for:
1. Delivering a powerful message in a small package, reminding me I can do more of that.
2. That message itself. I like me. I like improving me. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Thanks, Dave. have you seen Seth Godin’s blog? He’s one of the most popular bloggers out there and his posts are rarely more than a few paragraphs long.
A really (amazing) old man told me that once another (very simple) way to look at it – “if you’re not learning, you might as well be dead”.
What’s really cool is that sometimes some of the greatest lessons are learnt without even seeking to “self-improve”
PS. the post was concise but perfectly effective
Thanks, Renee! I like the old man quote. I definitely believe that. There are so many cool things to learn, places to see and things to do, I just hope I live for a long time so I get to experience as much of it as possible!
Niall,
This is great. It reminds me of that contradiction…
If you’re not a labeled do-er. (e.g. An artist, musician, worker, etc.)
But like doing things that are harder to label (a passion for gaining perspective, etc.)
Then people may be more prone to call you “unproductive.”
When in fact, you’re the most productive of them all.
No idea how it reminded me of that but it did.
On a more relating note,
Maybe self-development seems like in a constant state of needing to get better=meaning currently bad. When in fact, it can mean currently good or amazing but I want to become my best.
Exactly, Matt! You can be perfectly happy with who you are and still want to improve yourself. Unfortunately, many people don’t get that.
Thanks for the comment!
Hey Niall, another cool and thought provoking post. I may become addicted to you! But to the point. I too seek constant ‘self-development’. But I despise the term. I feel it is a stick for those who are ‘stuck’ to beat me with. Too many people do not know, or have lost sight of the fact, that we are ON A JOURNEY. I am not one of those (I may have forgotten for a while, but it’s clearer than ever to me now). So to me ‘self-development’ is moving forward on my journey, nothing more. I’m in a car that’s moving if you like, and the ‘stucks’ (hey I like that term) are stranded on the side of the road. Is it any wonder they are envious?
Stay cool dude, 88*googleplex Stan/leyton
Nicely put, Stan. Thanks for reading, bud.
From a newly awakened zombie, I can tell you that some people don’t like when you start to ask questions or worse they find out that you are trying to improve who you are. I have a way to go before I can be truly free but I will not stop till I get there…Thank you for keeping me Inspired.
On a side note,thank you for the tips you provided on your reply to my email.
good luck my friend
Carlos
Thanks, Carlos. I’m not sure that the journey ever really ends, but it’s a lot more fun than the alternative of staying stuck
Cheers!
Amen to that!
Thanks for reading, Tracy!