Posts Tagged ‘quotes’

July 27, 2010

How to accept a compliment

“But this payment goes well beyond my generosity,” the monk responded.

“Don’t say that again. Life might be listening, and give you less the next time.”

- The Alchemist

Back in 2007, I left a good web design job in Ireland and moved to the United States. I remember, in the few weeks leading up to my departure, my colleagues would often mention how much I would be missed. They’d tell me how they appreciated my positive attitude and attention to detail, and assured me that it would be a struggle to fill my shoes.

Every time I was told these things, I came back with a similar response: “Ah, you’ll find someone just as good to replace me, if not better.”

I might as well have been saying, “No, you’re wrong. In reality, I suck.”

Fast forward to the present day. I’ve announced that I’ll be leaving my current job in November. Deja vu: my colleagues tell me that I’m a valuable part of the team, that I’ll be sorely missed, that they’ll have a tough time replacing me. The comments are the same as they were three years ago, but my response is different. Now, I reply with a simple and sincere, “Thank you.”

Somewhere along the line, I came to appreciate my own self-worth. I came to see that I didn’t have to deflect praise, that I could accept it without losing my humility. In short, I learned how to accept a compliment.

Why we deflect

I have a female friend back in Ireland who still has trouble accepting compliments. The girl is absolutely stunning. She could literally be a model, and people often tell her so. I recall a middle-aged lady approaching her mother at a gathering a few years back, and offering sincerely: “You have a very beautiful daughter.” Overhearing this, my friend immediately gave a little laugh, shook her head and responded, “Oh no, not really!”

She’s not alone. Lots of people — my 25-year-old self included — respond in a similar way when offered a compliment. But why?

I believe we deflect compliments for one of two main reasons (and sometimes a mix of both):

  1. We don’t believe we deserve such admiration.
  2. We want to appear humble.

Both these reasons suck.

With the first, we’re simply selling ourselves short. If everyone tells me that I’m good at something and I refuse to believe them, all I’m doing is holding myself back, killing my self-confidence. I should wake up and give myself credit. I should try to see the brilliance in me that everyone else can see. It’s all well and good to be aware of your shortcomings and to work towards improvement, but if you don’t pause regularly to appreciate the person you’ve already become, you’ll always be miserable, never believing you’re good enough.

As for appearing humble, you can still do that while accepting a compliment. You don’t have to choose one or the other. You can simply offer your sincere thanks and then steer the conversation towards something less self-serving. “Thank you, I’m glad you like my painting. It took a lot of time and effort, so it’s nice to know people appreciate it. Do you also paint?”

Accept with gratitude, humility and sincerity

Next time someone offers you a compliment, let your default response be one of gratitude. Say thank you, sincerely. Realize that the world can never be a more giving place until we all become more receptive to the gifts we are offered.

May 27, 2010

What the self-help gurus don’t tell you about the Law of Attraction

The following is a speech I gave at my Toastmasters club in New Orleans this past Monday. Some notes follow the video.

In a nutshell, the speech is about the importance of taking action. If you’ve seen the movie The Secret or are otherwise familiar with the Law of Attraction, you may have noticed that a lot of emphasis is placed on the thinking side of things, and not so much on actually getting out there in the world and taking action.

Now that’s not to say that The Secret sucks or that the Law of Attraction is worthless; I’m simply saying that positive thinking is only half the battle.

If you’ve tried and failed putting the Law of Attraction into practice, it’s likely that you spent too much time thinking, and not enough time acting. To reach your goals, you need to do both consistently. Think the right thoughts and take the right actions.

It’s been said that luck is the meeting of preparation and opportunity. I agree with that, so I’d advise you to get busy preparing for the opportunities that are coming your way. Spend some time thinking and visualizing, sure, but then go attend those classes, make those phone calls, run those laps or do whatever it is you need to do to get yourself ready.

I’ll leave you with the quote from Yvon Chouinard that I used in my speech:

There’s no difference between a pessimist who says, “Oh, it’s hopeless, so don’t bother doing anything,” and an optimist who says, “Don’t bother doing anything, it’s going to turn out fine anyway.” Either way, nothing happens.

May 13, 2010

Exit strategies: 6 ways to beat a slump

I am generally a very positive person. I write a lot on this blog about ways to live better and be happier, and virtually everything I post on Facebook and Twitter is intended to inspire or deliver some kind of value to whoever might be reading. Sometimes I think I might come across as this holier-than-thou individual who lives a flawless life, but, of course, that’s far from the truth. I have my demons and I have my struggles, just like everyone else.

I find myself falling into a slump every now and then, downswings which are far from that pristine image I might sometimes project. Thankfully, they have become fewer and further between, and I believe that’s because I’ve discovered a few tricks to beat such skids. Here are six of them:

1. Write it out

Have a conversation with yourself. Sit down with a pen and paper, or at your computer, and ask yourself why you’re feeling down. You’re not looking for a solution necessarily, but just to express how you’re feeling. Get it out of your head and down in words. If it makes you feel better, burn the page or delete the file when you’re done.

2. Spend time with friends

Sometimes, when you’re in a slump, it’s good to be alone. But other times it helps to be around good people. Even if you don’t talk about how you’re feeling, but just hang out and shoot the breeze, that’s better than wallowing at home alone in your own misery. The more positive and energetic your friends are, the better.

3. Brighten someone else’s day

“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” – Mark Twain

If you’re in a funk, forget about yourself and focus on someone else. Send an e-mail to your favorite teacher back in the day, telling them how much you still appreciate what they taught you. Or go to a coffee shop and pay it backward. Just do something to bring a smile to another person’s face, and you’re likely to bring a smile back to your own.

4. Give thanks

This is something I all too often forget about when I’m feeling down. It’s hard to pause and give thanks when you’re preoccupied with what’s wrong or what’s missing. But if you can, you’ll notice it makes a big difference.

Consider something like your eyesight. We so often take it for granted, even at the best of times. But if you can take a step back and just appreciate for a moment how lucky we are to have the gift of sight, how much easier it makes our lives, how much beauty it allows us to witness… if you can really feel that appreciation and let the gratitude resonate through you… it’s not hard to feel better after that.

5. Use it as a learning experience

Prevention is better than cure. Whenever I find myself in a slump now, I try to identify what it was that got me there, whether one event or a sequence of events. If I can pinpoint that trigger, I can take steps to avoid pulling it in future. For example, it has become very obvious to me that most of my downswings come after a night of excessive drinking, so now I limit myself to one beer per hour and avoid those slumps completely.

And lastly, if all else fails…

6. Realize that it will pass

Everything comes and everything goes. I used to freak out when I was feeling down, feeling like I had to do something urgently to fix the problem. That only made it worse. It’s much better to accept the downswing and realize that it will eventually pass. Just give it time.

April 29, 2010

My grand experiment in lifestyle design: the beginning

I’m about to take the plunge.

These past couple of years I’ve been working in New Orleans, employed by a university as a web designer. My visa expires in December. I’ve decided not to extend. I’ve canceled my green card application. I’m moving back to Ireland at the end of the year.

I’ll set up my own business. I’ll make money blogging, and I’ll also set up some systems to generate passive income. This will not take long, 3-4 months at the most.

Then, I’ll travel. I’ll be location independent, able to run my business from anywhere with an internet connection. I’m thinking Spain would be a good first stop. I’ll spend about six months there, live comfortably, learn the language, then move on, probably to Southeast Asia.

Why am I telling you this?

Because I want you to follow me. I want you to check in on my progress every now and then. I want to serve as an example. I want to show you the possibilities. I want to go live my wildest dream, and in the process I hope to convince you that you can live yours.

And if I fail — if, twelve months from now I’m stuck living with my parents and printing out résumés — well then you can pat yourself on the back and be glad that you didn’t follow my lead, that you didn’t quit your job, that you didn’t abandon the safe and familiar route.

Except that…

I know I won’t fail I know I’ll succeed

I admit that I don’t know exactly how I’m going to accomplish all of the above, but I’m willing to work hard, to study, to learn, to plan, to take hard knocks and to get back up again. In short, I’m willing to do whatever it takes to achieve that freedom. I have a burning desire, and I believe Napoleon Hill when he says that a burning desire is “the starting point of all achievement, the first step towards riches.”

Plus, I’m not setting out to do anything that hasn’t been done before. More and more people are abandoning the 9-to-5 lifestyle, refusing to be just another cog in the machine. These people are playing by a new set of rules, making most of them up as they go. They live exceptional lives, they’re doing meaningful work, and they’re leading a movement.

I’m already studying those people, have been for a while, and you’ll probably hear me mention them a lot in the coming months.

No holding back

I’m hoping to lay out a blueprint, leave breadcrumbs for you to follow so you can do this, too.

I will be very honest. Throughout this journey, I’ll tell you what works for me and what doesn’t. I’ll tell you exactly how I prepare these next few months. Once I set up my business, I’ll tell you precisely how much money it makes and how.

I’ll detail the sacrifices I make, the leaps I take, every win and every loss.

So here I go

This is me putting my money where my mouth is. I’ve written a lot on this blog encouraging you to face your fears, live your dreams and be the change you want to see in the world, but I haven’t really been walking that talk. I can’t expect you to take me seriously until I do. I can’t take myself seriously until I do.

Are my ideas far-fetched and unrealistic? Am I wrong to challenge the status quo, to take the plunge and risk everything in the process?

I’ll soon find out, and I’ll be sure to let you know.

April 23, 2010

Hyperclocking

Last week I wrote quite a lot about training methods that helped me finish in the top 200 of the Crescent City Classic. There was one method I wanted to save for its own post, and here it is.

What is Hyperclocking?

I first heard of the concept in Tim Ferriss’ Trial by Fire TV pilot, which you can watch in its entirety online here. In that video (starting at about the 24:20 mark) Tim is trying to get faster at drawing an arrow, loading it into a bow and firing. He uses hyperclocking, a concept borrowed from computing, to do this. His description:

[Hyperclocking] usually refers to changing settings on a computer so the hardware runs faster than the manufacturer intended. In my case, that hardware is my nervous system.

The idea is to practice doing something at an outrageous level, so that, come the real challenge on the big stage, it’s relatively easy to meet your goal.

In essence, hyperclocking forces you out of your comfort zone, forces you to stretch yourself a bit more. And the more you stretch your comfort zone, the bigger it becomes.

How can you use it?

I’ll give you a couple of examples of how I’ve used hyperclocking to great effect.

For the Crescent City Classic, my goal was to finish in the top 200, meaning I would have to run the 10k in 41 minutes or less. To make that goal seem easier, I worked out what time I would need to finish in the top 100 (39 minutes or less) and that became my new target. It worked out to an average of 3:54 per kilometer, and so that’s what I aimed for. Of course, I ended up falling well short of that, but just pushing myself to get there ensured that I did finish well inside the top 200.

I’ve also used hyperclocking for practicing speeches. In Toastmasters, we have a time limit for each speech, and sometimes I find myself running up against it as I rehearse. Usually my biggest problem is not being able to recall different parts of the speech fast enough, so I’ll have lots of wasted time while I’m trying to think what comes next. To force faster recall and cut down on those gaps, I practice delivering the speech as fast as I can. I’ll race through it, trying to get everything said in half the allotted time. After doing this a few times, I revert back to my normal speaking pace and the real time limit suddenly seems like an eternity.

The possible applications for this are endless. I plan to use hyperclocking again soon to ramp up the emotion I display when public speaking. For my next speech, I’ll go way overboard with my emotions and gestures as I practice, then reign them back in for the real delivery.

If you’re having difficulty reaching a goal, identify what specific part of it is giving the most trouble, then brainstorm ways you can apply hyperclocking to help you break through.

Aim for the impossible, the unrealistic, the completely ridiculous. Even if you fall short, you’ll still be in a pretty good place.

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