Can’t see the video? Click here.

So I’m now halfway through my year without alcohol.

I had my last drink back on December 5th, 2010. Twas a wild and blurry night visiting a friend in Merced, CA. There were only three bars in that town, and methinks we hit each one up at least twice. I remember standing out on the street at closing time, talking to random people, saying things that would make me cringe the next morning.

I had planned in advance to give up alcohol. I wanted to experiment going without for a prolonged period of time, to see how my life would be different. I’d given it up for stretches before, but I’d always go back drinking once I had a strong urge or there was any significant bit of social pressure. This time I wanted to make a longer commitment and push myself over the hump, to see what lay beyond.

And, as I mentioned in a post back in December, I wanted to be rid of the crutch…

I’ve long felt that I’ve used alcohol as a crutch. I wouldn’t go talk to that girl or take to the dance floor until I had a few drinks. Alcohol was my liquid courage, and I was often dependent on it to be at my best socially.

… I’m less self-conscious when I’m drunk, more likely to take risks and be myself. That’s the gift alcohol gives me. The curse that comes with it is feeling less able to take risks and be myself when I’m sober. And that’s a cop out. That’s giving up control to something external, letting myself off the hook. I’d like to dig deeper and find that courage within myself, not in a pint glass.

Sober in Ireland

I spent my first five months of sobriety living back in Ireland. I thought that would be a challenge, but it turned out to be fairly easy. On average, I went out to a pub at least once per week. I was able to explain the reasoning behind my no-alcohol experiment to whoever was curious and pretty much everyone respected what I was trying to do.

Perhaps it helped that I was hanging out primarily with Couchsurfing folk, who tend to be of the cool and open-minded variety. Had I been palling around with a bunch of old-fashioned manly-men, I might have encountered more resistance.

Not drinking in Ireland also saved me a whole bunch of money. Definitely not a cheap place to be getting drunk. I also loved that I had less wasted days, no time lost to hangovers or the like. And, most notably, I grew much more comfortable in my own skin, proving to myself that I don’t need alcohol to be at my best socially.

Overall, I didn’t experience any downside to not drinking for those five months back home.

Sobrio en España

It’s a different story here in Spain.

I found myself sitting with a bunch of random people last Monday night, around a table covered in cheese and ham and red wine. While everyone else feasted the traditional way, I ate green olives and dry bread and sipped on water, trying to understand what little I could of the conversation. One guy seemed particularly put out by the fact that I didn’t drink, combined with the whole me being vegan thing. When he offered to pour me a glass of wine and I responded with a no gracias, he shook his head and rolled his eyes. I’m sure most everyone else in the room was thinking the same thing he was.

Last Friday there was a big festival here in Burgos, muchas personas crowding into a park near the university. I ended up in a pub getting to know some folks. A porrón was passed around and everyone was having a whale of time throwing back the vino. I had to say no gracias several times, and one big dude became especially perplexed. “But it good for you!” he kept telling me. He seemed a little insulted that I wasn’t willing to partake in local tradition.

It’s easy to get frustrated in those situations, but I have to remind myself that the problem isn’t that Spanish people are especially intolerant of teetotalers. (I actually believe they’re every bit as tolerant as Irish people.) The biggest lesson in all this is the importance of communication. If I can explain clearly why I don’t drink, people are usually cool with it. It’s only when I don’t have the words and folks are left to draw their own conclusions, that’s when it becomes an issue. Because most of us humans always seem to assume the worst. That’s our default.

When I meet someone here in Spain who understands English, I can explain that I’m not one of those holier-than-thou sober types, that my non-drinking is a personal choice and not a judgement on others. And we usually end up chatting away about other things and getting along brilliantly.

Since finding myself in those two awkward situations recently, I’ve decided to redouble my Spanish-learning efforts. I’m sure I could have gotten along great with those people if I knew more of the language. The differences between us would have become insignificant if only I could have steered the conversation in the direction of our similarities.

Or, hey, maybe not. I might still have had difficulty connecting with those people even if I did have the words and could explain all about my sobriety and veganism and other such weirdnesses. I know I’ll never be able to click with everyone, and that’s cool. But I’ll do what I can to allow for more opportunities. Circle of influence, FTW.

In the meantime, I try to focus on the good that comes from those awkward and uncomfortable situations: I’m building up some excellent resistance to social pressure

Will I ever drink again?

The past six months have been great. Shunning alcohol still feels like the right thing to do, and I now find it hard to imagine myself ever drinking again.

But I’ll refrain from answering the above question with a straight yes or no. If you’d asked me three years ago if I could imagine myself being a non-drinking vegan living in Spain by 2011, I would have shook my head and rolled my eyes, as if you’d just refused a glass of vino from a local

Can’t see the video? Click here.

So I came across an ebook recently by Vlad Dolezal, called Unleash Your Confidence (affiliate link). There was one part in particular that really resonated with me. While discussing beliefs, Vlad writes,

There is no “true” or “false” with beliefs, only useful and detrimental.

To illustrate this, Vlad goes on to give the example of a woman in her mid-forties who still believes in Santa Claus. Why? Because having such a belief helps her feel in touch with her roots and closer to the people she cares about. Intellectually, this woman knows that believing in ol’ Saint Nick is ridiculous, but doing so isn’t causing her any harm — just the opposite, actually — so she holds on to it. For her, it’s a useful belief. The emotional payoff makes it worth holding on to.

Thinking about all this brought back memories of one of my favorite books, The Road Less Traveled by M. Scott Peck (affiliate link). Peck was a practicing psychiatrist for many years and, even though it was considered taboo, liked to discuss religion with his patients. He believed faith was a massive part of a person’s identity and so it shouldn’t go unexamined when they were having problems. Some of Peck’s patients came from über-religious backgrounds and believed strongly in gospel and such. Others had no faith whatsoever. Over the years Peck began to notice, much to his surprise, that some of his patients would reach a better level of mental health by stepping towards a life of faith, while others would benefit by stepping away from it.

What this illustrates to me is that there’s no one right way, no one right set of beliefs. Our beliefs themselves don’t really matter. What matters is that they are useful and empowering to us (not just individually, but collectively as well). For some people, handing your life over to God is a great idea. For other people, not so much.

Paulo Coehlo sums this up nicely:

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It’s one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it’s another to think that yours is the only path.”

My beliefs

I’m going to throw some of my own beliefs under the microscope here and examine whether they are useful or detrimental. (Note though that when I label a belief as “useful” or “detrimental”, that labeling in itself is also a belief. Confusing, huh?)

The first belief that comes to mind relates to self-employment. I believe I can excel at working for myself, continuously earning enough money through my online ventures to support the three-year, round-the-world trip I hope to soon embark on. Now that may not actually be true — I could end up living back home with my parents, scraping together enough pennies to get my next falafel fix — but I keep believing it anyway. Because not having that belief would be detrimental, it would guarantee failure.

A limiting belief related to the above is that I’m new to all this self-employment lark. This is my first business, and I believe I have lots more hard work and struggle ahead of me before I break through. But what if I ditched that belief? What if, instead, I chose to believe that I’ve already succeeded as an online entrepreneur, and started carrying with me a swagger that screamed “been there, done that, doing it again, just for kicks.” Would that belief be more useful to me?

I imagine that it would, and so I’m working on adopting that belief

I also have strong beliefs about my diet. I’ve been vegan for two years, and it works well for me. I believe it helps me stay sharp mentally, avoid junk food, and maintain high levels of self-discipline and resistance to social pressure. It also makes me feel good as regards the environment and animal rights. Of course, many people have the belief that plant-based diets are unhealthy. A doctor I met here in Burgos last week is one such person. Maybe he’s right, but I have yet to experience any ill effects from veganism. To date, shunning animal products has proven far more useful than detrimental to me, so I’ll stick with it.

Related to that, a limiting belief I once had (when I first became a veg head) was that everyone should refrain from eating meat. The idealist in me still wants to hold on to that belief, but I’ve given up on it since it proved to be detrimental. Having such a holier-than-thou attitude didn’t help me convince anyone to stop eating meat; it only helped piss off a lot of my friends. Nowadays I choose to believe that there’s no one diet that works well for everyone, and that folks should experiment to find out what works best for them. This is a more useful belief for me.

Lying to yourself?

You may be thinking that adopting useful beliefs comes at the expense of lying to yourself. Well, yeah. It does.

I’m reminded of something Muhammad Ali once said:

I am the greatest, I said that even before I knew I was.

Coming up as a fighter, Ali knew he wasn’t the greatest, but he also knew that if he was to ever become the greatest, he’d have to start believing that he was. He recognized the truth, but realized that the truth was going to limit him, so he cast it aside. It was better for him to adopt that empowering belief, even if nobody else went along with it… yet.

What beliefs are holding you back?

Consider your own beliefs. Think long and hard about them. It can actually be quite difficult at first to identify which are useful and which are detrimental. It’s tempting to leave a belief unexamined because you tell yourself “it’s not a belief, it’s the truth!” But keep in mind that truth is secondary here. Take a break from reality and see what you come up with.

Maybe you believe that you suck at attracting a romantic relationship, or that it’s impossible to make a living doing what you love, or that you can never achieve your ideal weight. Perhaps you have evidence to back up those beliefs, but ignore that for now. Ask yourself only if the belief is useful or detrimental to you you.

• Does believing that you suck at romantic relationships help you find a satisfying romantic relationship?
• If you believe it’s impossible to make a living doing work that you love, is it likely that you’ll ever end up doing that?
• As long as you believe that you can never achieve your ideal weight, what are the chances of it actually happening?

How to change your limiting beliefs

All of the above has been running through my mind since reading Vlad’s ebook, Unleash Your Confidence (affiliate link). Not only does Vlad do a great job of explaining what limiting beliefs are and where they come from, he also guides you through a 5-step process for changing limiting beliefs.

Tis good stuff. There are seven other helpful chapters in there, too, all for just $17.

The gap between knowledge and action

To wrap this up, I wanted to write a little about the issue I’m guessing many people have with all these ebooks and courses and such. It’s this: You know that the information is good, and you know that if you follow the steps provided that your life will be better, but you still fail to take action.

I often struggle with this myself. About six months ago I bought a package of 23 business courses from 23 successful online entrepreneurs, and yet I’m still sitting here struggling to make money online. Why? It hasn’t been due to a lack of knowledge — I have more knowledge at my fingertips than I know what to do with — but due to a lack of persistent action. And that’s something I’m trying to remedy over these next few months.

But I’m curious to get your take on this, too. When has something like a book or a course motivated you to take successful action? And what was is it about that book or course that made the difference?

Fourth day of Random Acts of Courage, Part Deux.

In case you’re new, here’s what’s going on: I’m doing a bunch of (meaningful!) things this week that push me out of my comfort zone. Some of the challenges I’ve tried so far include stand up comedy, apologizing to a chap I used bully, and attending an AA meeting. It’s all leading up to Monday’s relaunch of my online course — A Course In Courage — which helps people become more courageous (rawr).

Today saw me tackle just one challenge. The plan was to learn about Islam, a religion which has gotten a pretty bad rap in recent years, what with Muslim terrorists and all that jazz. Given that it’s the second biggest religion in the world, with 1.5 billion or so devotees, I know embarrassingly little about it. So I figured I’d read up on it today, and try visit a mosque in Cork so I might meet some real-life Muslims and ask them a few questions. Turned out to be a bit of an adventure.

But before I dive into the telling of it all…

My big fat disclaimer

Yeah, so this religion stuff can be tricky to write about without offending anyone. I’m pretty sure I’ll piss someone off along the way, so my apologies in advance. Maybe just stop reading now if you’re hyper-sensitive when it comes to other people’s opinions on religion.

So you know where I’m coming from, I was raised Catholic, went to mass every Sunday up until my late teens. Nowadays I don’t subscribe to any particular religion, though I do consider myself to be a fairly spiritual person. I believe in a higher power, in life after death, and lots of other things that I have no evidence of. That said, and as I mentioned in a recent post, I like to keep my labels loose and my beliefs flexible. Who knows, perhaps I’ll be a nihilist this time next year.

I’ll be writing mostly about Islam here because that’s what I went and learned about today. Whatever issues I might have with the Muslim faith, know that I’m likely to have similar issues with other religions. I’m not picking on Allah and his followers. I’m also aware that Islam, like all other religions, has its conservatives, liberals, extremists, et al, and that they’re all likely to have different viewpoints and interpretations of what a Muslim should believe and how a Muslim should behave. I’ll do my best to avoid zee sweeping generalizations.

Finally, you should know that this is just a blog post, and my writing skills ain’t exactly of the ninja variety. This is simply me reporting on my quick dip into the world of Islam. I’m not spending a lot of time on it, for better or worse. Remember: I’m 29 years old and there’s a whole lot of shit I don’t know.

Okay, enough of that. Let’s dive in…

The five pillars

I spent almost two hours this morning reading up about the Muslim faith, using the Cork Mosque website as my jumping off point. One of first things I learned about was the five pillars of Islam. As I understand them:

1. Shahadah: This is a declaration of faith. Every Muslim must make a regular commitment before witnesses that he/she believes absolutely in no God but Allah, and that he/she also believes in a chap named Muhammad who lived about 1,400 years ago. Muhammad was the primo messenger of Allah, and took everything he heard from the big boss (via an angel) and had it made into a book called the Qur’an.
2. Salah: Muslims must pray five times a day, like clockwork. They must face towards a big temple in Saudi Arabia when they do this, no matter where in the world they find themselves. The prayers consist of recitations of the Qua’an and praises for Allah, as well as the occasional personal request (“Any chance of a Playstation?”). There’s a physical component to the praying, too, with lots of kneeling and bowing and heads touching the floor.
3. Saum: This is the Ramadan bit, when Muslims worldwide spend a month each year fasting while the sun is up. No food, no water, no hanky-panky. They use a lunar calendar, so Ramadan doesn’t occur at the same time each year. Sometimes it happens during winter when the days are short, and other times, no such luck. Wikipedia says the fasting is intended to teach Muslims about patience, humility, and spirituality.
4. Zakah: There is an emphasis on sharing and spreading surplus wealth. Once a year every Muslim above the poverty threshold must give 2.5% of their excess belongings to people in need. This discourages Muslims from hoarding their savings, and encourages social responsibility.
5. Hajj: Remember that big temple in Saudi Arabia? Well that’s called the Kaaba, and it was built in the city of Mecca about 2,000 years ago by a dude named Abraham and his son Ishmael. There’s a black stone inside that’s some kind of big deal. The Hajj is an annual Muslim pilgrimage to the Kaaba, with about 60 million people partaking each year. Every able-bodied Muslim is required to make the pilgrimage at least once in their lifetime, if they can afford to do so.

So, how’d you like them apples?

I’m a fan of the Saum pillar, since I’m a bit of a sucker for a self-discipline challenge. I may even have a crack at Ramadan myself some day, just for the hell of it. Zakah also makes good sense to me, and the Hajj sounds like the religious equivalent of Mardi Gras, so I’m all for that.

Can’t say the Shahadah bit resonates with me, though. A little too much of a stretch for me to pledge allegiance to a big invisible man in the sky and his mortal BFF who’s been dead for fourteen centuries. I prefer to keep my options open there, not put all my eggs in one belief basket. As for the Salah, I can’t help but wonder how Muslims get anything done when they have to drop everything and pray five times a day. And what if you’re out taking a stroll in the woods and you’ve forgotten your compass? Do you just take your best guess and pray in that direction?

I also came across a bunch of other interesting tidbits during my morning research binge. A few of them:

Islam, homosexuality, and the validity of the Qur’an

According to the Cork Mosque:

Islam teaches that homosexual acts are sinful and punishable by God. This teaching comes not from human beings, but from the Creator of all humans. God tells us in His own words how He punished the people of Lot for their homosexual behavior.

Hmm. That doesn’t sit well with me, and it’s an issue I also have with Christianity and the Bible: Why is homosexuality wrong? Because God said so! How do you know he said so? Because I read it in the book!

See, I need a little more than that. I’m not convinced that books like the Bible or the Qur’an are in fact the word of God. I’m not disputing that there’s a lot of wisdom and meaning to be found in their pages, but the word of God? I mean, how do we know for sure?

Well, I was pleasantly surprised to find that I wasn’t the first person to question the authenticity of the Qur’an (who’d a thunk it?), and I came across several “proofs” that said book is indeed the one true word of God. Three of the most common:

1. It says it in the book!

Yeah, it actually says in the Qur’an that the Qur’an is the word of God. Unfortunately, that to me is like Toyota saying that they build the best cars in the world. Conflict of interest methinks.

2. There are no contradictions in the Qur’an

I read that the Qur’an is a perfect book with no contradictions, but this big list of Qur’an contradictions I found would seem to contradict that.

3. Many of the prophesies in Qur’an have been fulfilled

I’ve heard that the Qur’an, a book written 1,400 years ago, contains theories that we’ve only recently had the technology to confirm scientifically, and foretold a whole bunch of happenings, Nostradamus-style. I’m not sure how true all that is, but I’ll give it the benefit of the doubt.

Women, sex, and marriage

The reality of all this in Islam is much different than I had assumed. Let’s go bullet style and I’ll share what I learned…

• Nobody is forced to marry, and divorce is permitted.
• An unmarried man and woman must never be left alone in private.
• No sex before marriage.
• Once married, sex ain’t reserved for making babies. It’s cool to get jiggy just for kicks.
• But contraception is a tricky issue. Some Muslims believe it’s okay to use condoms, others don’t.
• It’s generally agreed that abortion is permissible, but not beyond four months of pregnancy.
• Men are allowed to have up to four wives (though it sounds like having more than one is uncommon), while women can only have one husband.
• If a man does have multiple wives, he must treat each of them equally. He can’t have one as his babysitter and another as his sex kitten.
• Islam holds both men and women in equal esteem and emphasizes their equal worth before Allah.

One thing I find strange about women and Islam though: There were supposedly 124,000 prophets/messengers sent by Allah to Earth, starting with Adam and ending with Muhammad. But none of them were women. Surely it would have been a good idea to send down at least one prophetic lady, give the fairer sex someone they could relate to. No?

Dietary requirements

Muslims eat Halal foods, which basically means foods that are allowed under Islamic dietary guidelines. They’re not permitted to drink alcohol or consume any substances which alter consciousness. Animals to be used for food must be slaughtered a certain way (in the name of Allah, and by cutting the throat) and drained of all blood. Pig meat is forbidden, though I couldn’t find a good reason for this beyond “it says it in the book.”

One explanation I found of Islamic dietary rules also had a bit to say about people who believe it’s wrong for humans to eat meat, calling such folk “misguided campaigners” with a “perverted logic [that] would destroy the balance of life and eradicate all the finely tuned ecosystems Allah has created interdependently.” Being vegan myself, I found that quite amusing.

Terrorism

Just in case anyone doesn’t know: Islam does not advocate terrorism. The word islam actually means “peace,” which smart people agree to be somewhat of an antithesis to terrorism.

I can kind of see how the rare extremist might get it twisted though. The Qur’an explicitly says the following, emphasis mine:

“…take not life, which God has made sacred, except by way of justice and law: thus does He command you, that you may learn wisdom.” (6:151)

Who’s to say what’s justice and law? If you believe America has wronged you and your people, it might seem perfectly just to hijack a few planes and fly them into some big buildings over there.

Jesus, Mary, and creationism

Jesus is a key figure in Islam, one of those many prophets recognized by the Muslim faith. But Jesus is not considered by Muslims to have been the son of God. To consider him so is blasphemous. Nor do Muslims believe that he died on the cross.

I’ve also heard that Mary gets a lot more play in the Qur’an than she does in the Bible. Apparently there’s a whole back story for her in the Muslim book. And no mention of that dude Joey who the Bible claims she was shacked up with.

As for the origins of the universe, I’ve come across conflicting Muslim theories on that. Much like the Bible, the Qur’an tells of God creating the Earth on his week off from the 9-to-5 (or something), and there’s also tales of Adam and Eve. Some Muslims (just like some Christians) seem to take all this literally and discount the whole evolution and natural selection dealio, while others accept that there was once a big bang and that the Earth is billions of years old.

Islam in real life

Okay, enough theory. Let me tell you about the real Muslim folk I met today, and how that all went.

The Cork Mosque is located way out in an industrial estate, about a forty minute walk from the city centre. They had to apply to the city council to rezone the property so they could use it for social and community purposes.

The Internet told me that they had prayers at 1:35 pm today, so I headed out there early to see if I could talk to a few people and maybe observe the proceedings. Unfortunately, I got there a little too early, and everything was locked up. It started raining so I ducked into the business next door for a few minutes, got talking to a random chap manning the front desk. I asked him about the mosque. He replied, “I’m probably not the best person to ask, given all the hassle they’ve been causing around here recently.”

Uh, come again?

But he clammed up after that, said he had a lot of work to do and if I wouldn’t mind leaving… so I did, wondering what kind of controversy had been going on around these parts. If only Erin Brockovich was there, she’d have gotten to the bottom of it.

I headed back to the mosque and found the door unlocked this time. I wandered inside and met a middle-aged guy named Omar in the hallway, happily munching away on a bag of microwave popcorn. He spoke first…

– As-Salamu Alaykum!

– Uh… hello?

I told Omar I was interested in learning more about Islam, and he was cool enough to show me around the place and fill me in on everything. It was just the two of us in the building, others were due to arrive soon. I was asked to leave my shoes in the hallway as the tour began.

Turns out Omar has only been Muslim for twelve months or so. He was married to Christianity for 20-odd years but then they broke up. His mother is from Ireland, his father from the US. He seemed like a pretty cool cat, laid back, and he casually threw the word “shit” into our conversation a couple of times. I also noticed how he’d say “peace be upon him” after every mention of the prophet Muhammad. I’d later realize that pretty much every Muslim does that.

Omar went ahead and showed me the little wash area outside the main prayer hall (also known as a musalla), where people can cleanse themselves before getting down to business. Then he showed me the hall itself, big enough for about 300 Muslims to come together and pray, all facing the corner. Apparently they have close to that many people in there every Friday (the Muslim equivalent of the Christian Sunday), but other days they often have as few as three people per prayer session.

I asked Omar how the mosque had been received in the area. Very well, according to him. I skipped relaying the conversation I had just had with their neighbor.

I then asked Omar about the separation of men and women in the prayer hall. He told me that the women have their own separate room to pray in, upstairs.

– Why the separation?

– So the men won’t get distracted.

I’d heard that in some mosques, if a separate room isn’t available, the women will pray behind the men. Apparently there’s no worry of them getting distracted by men bending over in front of them, but vice versa is a problem. I put this to Omar, and he flashed back a smile and a shrug.

Before too long we were joined by two other men. One was a warm and friendly middle-aged chap who turned out to be the imam of the mosque (i.e. the guy who leads the prayers and generally runs the show). The other guy was in a serious mood and didn’t seem interested in shaking my hand. I asked if I could observe them praying, and Imam said no worries.

We moved to a smaller prayer room, and it was about time for them to get started, but Imam seemed especially pleased by my interest in Islam and started off on what would become an impromptu 40-minute lecture.

It was… confusing.

One minute he was encouraging me to read about all the different religions and come up with my own truth, and the next he was telling me about the silliness of Christianity. I wasn’t sure what to make of it all. The fact that he wasn’t fluent with the English didn’t help.

All throughout the lecture, Omar stood transfixed listening to his mentor, while Mr. NoShakes seemed to grow increasingly impatient; dude seemed to be jonesing for a good auld pray.

Eventually the lecture ended, I went and sat in the corner, and the three amigos took their positions and said their prayers. It was about how I expected it to be, what with the words I didn’t understand and all that bowing and kneeling and touching their foreheads to the floor. Fast-forward five minutes and they were done, ready to leave. Omar gifted me a copy of the Qur’an and a few different pamphlets about Islam, which I gladly accepted.

Ultimate alien

On the way out I figured I’d better go ahead and ask Imam a couple of my big questions about this whole Islam thing:

1. How do you know the Qur’an is really the word of God?
2. Why is homosexuality a no-no?

In response to the first question, I was told I must read: Read the Qur’an, read about Muhammad, and the answers will become clear.

Fair enough.

As to the second question, I tried to get across this point that I’d seen recently on Twitter, via @clareherbert:

RT @skylor: Homosexuality is found in over 450 species. Homophobia is found in only one. Which one seems unnatural now?

That is, if homosexuality is found in creatures that don’t have free will, then surely it’s a natural thing and we shouldn’t think ill of humans for such behavior.

To that, Imam replied that he was simply a humble man of faith, and that he couldn’t pretend to have all the answers. To paraphrase: “If you have a problem with your car, you take it to a mechanic, not to the mosque. Similarly, if you have questions about sexuality and such, you would be better to consult with someone who has expertise in such matters.” And then, with a laugh, he added, “Like Dr. Phil, from the TV!”

It was about then that I noticed, apropos of nothing, that this holy man was holding a Ben 10 lunchbox.

To each their own

It was drizzling when we got outside, and Imam offered to give me a lift back into town. I declined, telling him I’d prefer to walk for a while and think about everything I’d learned at the mosque. He understood.

I said goodbye to both him and Omar. We were all smiling broadly, shaking hands. They seemed like genuinely good people. Islam is obviously working well for them, and they’ve no doubt put a lot of thought into what they believe and why. I can’t say that they’re wrong or that I know better. Like I said up top, there’s a whole lot of shit I don’t know.

Well, one thing I do know: I’m pretty happy myself, not subscribing to any religion in particular.

…

P.S. I’m relaunching A Course In Courage on Monday. Click through to see what all the fuss is about. You can sign up over there to get priority notice of when everything goes live, and perhaps an invite to the parade I’m throwing in celebration. Aw yeah.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. – Mark Twain

Sing it, Mark.

It used to bug me when people called me weird. They called me that when I went to live 4,000 miles away from home, just to be closer to my favorite basketball team. They called me that when I went vegetarian, and then vegan. Nowadays I get called weird for wearing strange shoes, for asking uncomfortable questions, and for owning only what I can carry.

I used to get defensive and argue with the critics.

No no no, I’m not weird at all! Let me explain… but I don’t mind being called weird anymore. I’ve actually come to love it.

See, I’ve come to realize just how much normal sucks. I’d much rather be weird, because normal people don’t live exceptional lives; they’re not the ones living up to their potential and making an impact. They’re too busy trying not to be weird, too busy being afraid to stand out, to truly make a difference in the world.

The good kind of weird

Not all weird is good. Look up some synonyms for the word and you’ll find awful, creepy and grotesque right alongside awe-inspiring, supernatural and uncanny.

I try not to be weird just for the sake of it. That’s the bad kind of weird. Good weird serves a purpose.

Different is better when it is more effective or more fun. – Tim Ferriss

If you can do something unorthodox to improve your life (without compromising your values), then go for it. Don’t let normal people talk you down.

Normal is scary

Normal people dislike weirdness because it’s unfamiliar, and that makes it scary. But I consider normality to be the real terror.

In my manifesto I tell the story of a fictional chap named Seamus, a representative of normality. He resents getting out of bed every morning, eats crappy food, struggles through his 9-to-5 and spends every evening in front of the TV. In the United States, normal is earning less than $40,000 a year, enduring a soul-crushing job, being overweight, growing up in a broken home and having thousands of dollars in credit card debt.

That’s what passes for normal nowadays, and it scares the hell out of me. I’ll take weird over that any day.

Why I’m weird

I’m weird because I’m vegan. Normal people aren’t willing to experiment with their diet, and never give much thought to where their food comes from.

I’m weird because I talk to strangers. Normal people keep their guard up, conditioned to believe that every new person could be a thief, cheat or rapist.

I’m weird because I don’t watch television. Normal people sit watching it mindlessly, several hours at a time.

I’m weird because I love to work but don’t want a job. Normal people want a job but hate to work.

I’m weird because I exercise every day. Normal people think that’s excessive.

I’m weird because I own just 57 things. Normal people buy “storage solutions” and become slaves to their possessions.

I’m weird because I go all in to make my dreams a reality. Normal people opt to wait until they win the lotto.

Being weird in Ireland

I was going to write here about how it’s tough being weird in Ireland, and how I can’t ever see myself living long-term in this country. I was going to make a joke about inner conflict, how somewhere inside of me there’s a weird dude doing battle with a leprechaun (oh look, I made that joke anyway).

I just realized though that the map I’ve been using no longer matches the territory. It was fairly easy being weird back in New Orleans. Folks there are pretty open-minded. I was expecting more resistance in Ireland. Growing up here, I knew it to be a fairly begrudging place, where standouts are traditionally mocked and ostracised. Before moving back, I accepted that I may have to endure a few months of ridicule and isolation.

I’ve been home for two months now though, and I can’t say I’ve had many problems. I’ve made good friends easily and feel more a part of the Cork community with each passing day. Sure, Ireland has undergone a significant change in recent years, what with the recession and everything, but I believe the big difference in my experience living here now vs. back in 2007 is internal rather than external. I’ve accepted and even embraced my weirdness, and everyone around me seems to have followed suit.

Chalk one up for your beliefs shaping your reality.

That said, I still plan to travel for the next 3-5 years. Lots more world out there

to see .

You’re such a weirdo

What makes you weird? Have you been embracing that weirdness, or keeping a lid on it for fear of what other people will think? I’d encourage you to let it out.

Remember, the real thing to be afraid of is being normal like everyone else. Nobody remembers mediocrity. Weirdos change the world.

So I’ve officially ended my diet/exercise experiment. If you recall, the goal was to add 20lbs of muscle, in 6 weeks, on a vegan diet, while doing just one hour of exercise per week, as inspired by Tim Ferriss’ report of gaining 32 lbs of muscle in 28 days.

Last Sunday, right before my sixth workout and just about halfway through the experiment, I took all my body measurements and found that I had gained approximately 4 lbs of muscle and 4 lbs of fat. Projecting forward the best case scenario, that meant I was on course to finish the 6 weeks with a 16 lb weight gain, half of which would have been fat. I wasn’t okay with that, so I decided to bail on the experiment.

Well, kinda.

I’ve accepted that there’s no way I’m going to reach my originally stated goal, so from that point of view the experiment is over. Turns out that, at least for me using this method, it’s not possible to put on 20lbs of muscle in six weeks on a vegan diet while doing only one hour of exercise per week. I know, some of you are shocked and amazed

However, I’m not quite ready to give up on muscle building completely. I learned from my experiment that I quite enjoy the slow weight training, so I’ll continue doing that once a week. My trainer records every exercise I do and it’s obvious that my strength has increased significantly over the past three weeks. I like that. I’ll also be adding back in some regular cardio work, because I’ve really been missing it during the past three weeks.

As regards the diet, I’m abandoning the meal plan altogether. I do intend to consume upwards of 3,000 calories per day, but I won’t be measuring every gram of carbs, fat and protein that I put in my body. After three weeks of carefully planned and measured meals, it’s a welcome relief to be able to eat whatever I feel like again.

What I didn’t learn from all this

Quite a few people — both in person and online — told me before I started this experiment that it was unrealistic and that I was unlikely to succeed. And those people turned out to be right. But the funny thing is that I have no regrets about doing the experiment. I’m not sitting here cursing myself for not listening to those people. And that’s because I now know some things for sure, from direct experience.

There’s that saying that you always regret the things you haven’t done more than the things you have. If I had agreed with the naysayers at the start and accepted that what I was trying to do was impossible, there always would have been a nagging voice in my head saying, But what if they were wrong?

You see, I just had to try it for myself. For me, trying equals succeeding. Well, not just trying, but trying hard. I’ve failed at lots of things in life, but the only failures I feel bad about are the ones where I didn’t give it my all.

Don’t try, you might fail!

So what? No big deal. What’s the point in doing only what you know will succeed? Where would mankind be if people only did what they knew would work? You’ve heard all those stories about Thomas Edison and Michael Jordan and other famous names who attributed much of their success to a willingness to fail. I believe that.

So, you might think I learned a lesson here. And I believe I did learn many things. But one thing I didn’t learn is that you should never try to do what other people think is crazy or impossible. I never want to learn that lesson. I’m terrified of what I’d miss out on if I did.

What crazy or impossible goal do you have? Why don’t you give it a shot? Go all out and see if you can make it happen. Even if there’s only a tiny chance that you’ll succeed, that’s still significantly better than your chance of success (i.e. ZERO) if you don’t try at all.

And if you do try and end up failing, trust me, that feels way better than just accepting defeat without trying at all.

So you should always be sure to look after number one. Help others, yes, but realize that it’s okay to be selfish every now and then, to take time for your own health and well-being. It’s perfectly fine to say no to things that bore or drain you.

For the purpose of this exercise, think of yourself as a machine. Like any machine, you need regular maintenance if you want to produce optimum results. Neglect yourself for a while and you’ll see your results start to suffer.

Here are a few ways you can be good to yourself:

• Eat healthy
• Get adequate sleep
• Exercise
• Take time to think
• Take time to have fun, to laugh
• Determine your life purpose and work towards fulfilling it
• Breathe
• Be honest with yourself and others
• Invest in yourself regularly (read, learn, save)
• Do what you love and love what you do
• Accept gifts graciously
• Attract great relationships and kill destructive ones

Please feel free to share other ways you can be good to yourself in the comments. I’d love to hear from you.

Diet

I made it through the first week okay. Eating 5,000 calories per day wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t too difficult either. My body seemed to be responding just fine.

But then came Monday, and I found myself exhausted. I was lucky it was Labor Day and didn’t have to work, because all I wanted to do was sleep. I took approximately 5 hours worth of naps during the day, despite having gotten my typical ~8 hours of sleep the previous two nights, and I slept another 8 hours that night, too.

Monday was also my “cheat” day. On Mondays I halve my calorie intake “to prevent protein uptake downregulation.” This was a welcome break from 5,000 calories per day, but I found it very difficult to ramp back up my eating on Tuesday. I managed to eat everything as planned, but it was a struggle. I started having mild stomach aches, I was sweating randomly like a fat dude, and it didn’t help that I was slightly constipated. I also continued to feel exhausted throughout the day, which really sucked since it was a work day and I hate being unproductive at work.

On Wednesday, I woke up feeling stuffed, but ploughed on. By noon, I’d already consumed close to 3,000 calories, and then I reached breaking point. I had two more veggie wraps lined up for lunch, but I felt strongly that I would puke if I ate them. So I passed. I felt I wasn’t digesting my food as quickly as I had the previous week; a lot of it seemed to be sitting in my stomach for far too long.

I went and had my third workout on Wednesday evening, and still didn’t feel comfortable eating anything after. I drank some orange juice and scarfed down a handful of mixed nuts, but that was it. That night I had difficulty getting to sleep. My mind was racing like it hadn’t done in days. Thursday morning I jumped out of bed with more energy than I’d had all week. Those two occurrences told me that my body had been devoting far too much energy to digestion. I believe there is a tipping point with food; eat too much and it’s only serving to fuel it’s own digestion, at the expense of things like mental clarity.

Going forward, I’ve decided to cut back to 4,000 calories per day. I’m hoping that’s closer to the sweet spot where I’m eating enough food to build my muscles back up without overloading my digestive system.

Workouts

My workout schedule is Wednesday evening and Sunday morning. I’ve had just three 30-minute workouts so far and they’ve all been hell, but I’m enjoying them

After the first workout, my arms were so fatigued that I found it challenging to steer my car home. After the second, my body trembled uncontrollably as I took a drink at the water fountain. After the third, I felt completely drained and had to sit down for a few minutes before leaving the gym.

Call me crazy, but I like those post-workout feelings. I like having physical confirmation that I went all out.

I’m happy with how fast my muscles have been recovering. After the first two sessions, I was sore for a couple of days each time, but the soreness was pretty much gone in time for the next visit to the gym. My trainer has been mixing up the exercises a bit just to be sure I don’t work the same muscles too hard in consecutive workouts.

Speaking of my trainer, she thinks I’m nuts, but she continues to push me hard like I asked

Is it working?

Honestly, I’m not sure yet. It’s still a little early to tell. I’m taking complete tape and body fat measurements every Saturday morning, and last week the numbers told me that I’d gained 3.5 lbs of fat and 2 lbs of muscle, but I’d only done one workout up to that point. This Saturday’s measurements should provide better insights, but I’m not going to draw any conclusions until the following Saturday. By then I’ll be almost halfway through this experiment and it should be pretty obvious if I’m on target.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

So I gave vegetarian a try in January of 2009, and six months later I ended up vegan. I found that those diets worked great for me. Here’s why you should get selfish and try them, too.

1. Practice self-discipline

I believe in building positive habits. The more you practice something, the more ingrained it becomes. Before you know it, it’s second nature. You can’t accomplish much in life without self-discipline, and self-discipline is something I get to practice every meal and snack time thanks to veganism. I know all that practice has helped me in other areas of my life. I’ve become very good at forming new habits and sticking to plans I make for myself.

Of course, you can practice self-discipline at meal times without being vegan. Maybe you cut out gluten, or you use the Weight Watchers point system, or you don’t eat anything with primary colors. While not every restrictive diet will be good for your health, it will help you build some self-discipline muscles.

2. Less choice, more happy

If you’re vegan, you’ll undoubtedly have less menu items to choose from when you go to a typical restaurant. I see this as a good thing. Less choice leads to less indecision and less regret. Before I was vegan, I would often spend ten minutes scouring a menu, then order the chicken dish while wondering if maybe I should have ordered the meatballs or the fried shrimp instead. But these days I usually only have a handful of options to choose from on the menu, so I can order faster and not worry so much about the opportunity cost.

See, more isn’t always better. Smart people call this type of thing the paradox of choice, noting that folks are usually happier when they have less to choose from. That could be you!

3. Focus better, think clearer

The main thing that attracted me to plant-based diets initially were the reported mental benefits I heard from various people who had already made the switch. Sure enough, I also found that I could think more clearly and focus better once I cut animal products out of my diet.

One explanation I’ve heard for this is that animal products require a lot of energy for your body to digest, energy that could otherwise be used for mental functions. Foods like fruit and vegetables are digested much faster and more easily. I believe this ties in with modern cancer treatments, which increasingly involve putting the patient on a plant-based diet so the body has more energy available to fight the disease.

Please note that I have no scientific evidence to back this up, so take my words here with a grain of salt. All I know for sure is that I’ve experienced these mental benefits after switching to a plant-based diet, and many others report the same. Try it yourself and see if it works for you.

4. Embrace change

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but rather the one most adaptable to change.” – someone not named Charles Darwin

Routines and habits are important, but it’s equally important to try new things regularly and push yourself out of your comfort zone. That’s how we learn and grow. I believe my experiments with plant-based diets were among the best learning and growth experiences of my life. I learned a lot about food and the food industry, discovered the truth behind a lot of veg myths, and met some great new people. More importantly, I got to know myself a hell of a lot better. Change and adversity will do that.

…

Beyond those four, there are lots of other positive things veganism can do for you. For example, you’ll undoubtedly become a better cook, your skin and overall health will improve (as long as you’re not just eating vegan junk food), and you’ll find it easy to fight the flab (how many fat vegans do you know?).

So get selfish. Be good to yourself and try a plant-based diet for 30 days, see how it makes you feel. I’d advise against going straight from omnivore to vegan though. Take the vegetarian bridge to avoid overwhelm.

Good luck!

(Want to learn more about going veg? I wrote a lengthy piece about my experience here.)

Let me break down the plan:

20 lbs of muscle

This morning I weighed in at 185 lbs. My body fat was 8.21% (15.2 lbs) when I measured it last weekend. To gain 20 lbs of muscle, I need to get up to 205 lbs while lowering that body fat percentage slightly.

Six weeks

Why six weeks? Well, adding 20 lbs in four weeks seems just a little too ambitious given my inexperience with body hacking. Tim was no stranger to this kind of stuff when he started, plus he was eating animal products (easier to get ridiculous amounts of protein). He was also muscular a few years before, so he may have benefited from some kind of muscle-memory type thing.

I’m lowering the bar a little. Six weeks feels about right.

Vegan diet

I’ve been vegan for over a year now, and it works well for me. I didn’t want to go back eating animal products just for the sake of this experiment. I’m more curious to see if I can add muscle rapidly on a vegan diet.

Tim Ferriss ate lots of meat during his training, consuming 5000-6000 total calories per day. He also took supplements.

I’ve worked out a vegan meal plan that will see me consuming an average of 5000 calories per day, which is double my regular intake.

I want to stick to real food as much as possible, so I won’t be taking any supplements or protein shakes. My carb-fat-protein ratio will be approximately 3:1:1.

You can check out my spreadsheet on Google Docs for more detailed info.

One hour of exercise per week

This is the part where people usually start thinking I’m crazy

To put on 20 lbs of muscle in six weeks, you’d think I’d have to be hitting the gym almost every day, but I’m only planning to do two half-hour sessions per week (Wednesday evening and Sunday morning). I’ll be working out my whole body each session, doing slow (10-15 seconds) reps with resistance both ways. The goal is to exhaust my muscles completely each workout, and then build them back up stronger with the protein-heavy diet.

I’ll have a trainer I’ll be working with. I did one test session with her a few weeks ago. She’s agreed to push me to my limits and beyond once we start for real next Wednesday. This type of slow training is intense and painful, but I believe it’s the most effective form of weight training out there. Quality, not quantity.

My current health

In preparation for this experiment, I’ve been doing all sorts of measuring and testing. I’ll be taking the same measurements and tests after the six weeks and comparing the results. I don’t just want to put on 20 lbs of muscle. I want to do it safely, without negatively impacting my blood pressure, cholesterol, etc.

Below are some results from tests my doctor ordered last week. Apparently I’m in fantastic health

• Blood pressure: 124/80
• Cholesterol: 129
• Triglyceride level: 81
• White blood cell count: 5.47
• Red blood cell count: 5.12
• Fasting blood glucose: 92
• Calcium in blood: 9.3
• Protein in blood: 7.4
• Urine pH: 7.0

My body measurements, as taken last Saturday:

• Chest fat: 4 mm
• Abdominal fat: 14 mm
• Thigh fat: 10 mm
• Body fat %: 8.21
• Neck: 386 mm
• Chest: 953 mm
• Shoulders: 1145 mm
• Thigh: 590 mm
• Calf: 397 mm
• Upper Arm: 283 mm
• Forearm: 282 mm
• Waist: 832 mm
• Hips: 1013 mm

The why

For a while, when people asked why I wanted to put on 20 lbs of muscle in the first place, I’d respond that I just wanted to challenge myself, much like I did when I tried to finish in the top 200 of the Crescent City Classic. But the challenge isn’t the main reason I’m doing it. Mostly, I just want to look better naked

It would also be nice though to prove that this works and inspire other folks to give it a try.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

About a year ago I was in there and got talking with one such bartender. He was probably in his late-20′s, had a shaved head, a Sparta beard, and plenty of visible tattoos. I had just recently turned vegan, and I was doubting that this was the type of guy who’d be able to relate. But then I heard him discussing a detox diet with the cook, who could have been the bartender’s twin except for a significant height difference.

So we got talking about food, and it turns out that the bartender himself was vegetarian. I asked him why.

“Star Trek, man.”

Come again?

“Star Trek! The Vulcans are all vegetarian. They don’t find it logical to eat meat.”

I was never big into Star Trek, but I knew that Spock was Vulcan, and I knew Vulcans made decisions based on logic and reason, with no interference from emotion. And Mr. Bartender went on to tell me that the Vulcans thus thought it illogical and wasteful to spend all that time and effort feeding an animal, only to kill it and eat it.

“Why feed your food when you can just live off the feed itself?”