Posts Tagged ‘A.J. Jacobs’

January 15, 2010

Learning from everyone

A few weeks ago I wrote about three people who inspire me. I received feedback from a reader who didn’t agree with my choices. Finding something he didn’t like about each of the three people I had listed, he seemed convinced it was a waste of time to consider any of the knowledge they had to share.

I didn’t think that was such a good idea. In my view, having an attitude like that hurts only you.

To illustrate my point, let’s take Steve Pavlina, one of those three people who inspire me. Steve believes in and sometimes writes about psychic phenomena and the paranormal. For example, about eighteen months ago he wrote about the spirit of a dead friend helping him win at blackjack. My reaction to that article was probably similar to the reaction of most people: “Man, this guy’s crazy.” However, I wasn’t about to let that one disagreement stop me from reading and appreciating other articles on Steve’s site. Instead, I just filed it away in the “Things I don’t necessarily agree with” part of my brain, and continued on. Good thing, too, because I’ve since received many valuable insights from other articles Steve has written.

It takes effort

Writing people completely off because you disagree with something they say is nothing short of laziness. When you do that, you’re effectively saying, “I couldn’t be bothered getting to know this person completely, so I’ll just make a sweeping judgment about them based on the few things I do know.” Granted, nobody has the time or the capacity to truly know everyone they come into contact with, but we can be conscious of those snap judgments we make about others and how we may deprive ourselves of important lessons because of them.

Nobody’s perfect

It’s important to realize that nobody is perfect. If you’re holding out for an infallible mentor to show you the light, you’re in for a long wait. Consider these brief descriptions of two famous historical figures:

  1. The first man was a charismatic leader and a decorated war hero. He preferred a vegetarian diet, never smoked, rarely drank alcohol and was faithful to his wife.
  2. The second man died without a penny to his name. He regularly defied laws and was imprisoned many times. He often appeared indifferent towards his family and had an especially strained relationship with his son.

The first man is Adolf Hitler. The second is Mahatma Gandhi. Obviously the above descriptions are extremely selective, but they go to show that even the best of people have their flaws while the worst have their redeeming qualities. I like to believe we can learn valuable lessons from both these men — even, in the case of Hitler, if those lessons are mostly of the “what not to do” variety — and from everybody who falls between them in the spectrum of good and evil.

The Bible

Not so long ago, if you had quoted a bible verse at me, I would have considered you a brainwashed lunatic who could never teach me anything worth knowing. Then I came to this realization that everybody and everything has at least some truth. Gradually I came to see that the bible was no different. Sure, it calls homosexuality an abomination (Leviticus 20:13) and encourages you to burn witches (Exodus 22:18), but it also contains great lessons about love, truth and self-discipline.

As A.J. Jacobs concluded in The Year of Living Biblically, it’s impossible and often immoral to follow every word of the bible, but the book can indeed enhance your life if you focus on the right parts and live by the lessons contained in them. You just have to persevere through many inconsistencies and a bunch of stuff you’ll probably disagree with. You must use that mind you’ve been blessed with to separate the wheat from the chaff and arrive at your own truth.

Against the grain

If you tend to focus on the negative rather than the positive, don’t worry, you’re not alone. As humans, we’re predisposed to give more attention to the bad things in life. It’s a survival instinct. Scientists have proven that something we perceive as bad will have a stronger and more lasting affect on our brains than something we perceive as good (see author David Rock talk about it from the 20-minute mark of this YouTube video). That’s why you can thoroughly enjoy the first ninety minutes of a movie, only to have the whole experience ruined by an implausible ending. Somehow those last few minutes negate the previous ninety and you come away disappointed.

Again, it takes effort to focus on the good rather than the bad, but that effort is worth undertaking, because there’s no growth if you choose the lazy way out. With laziness you limit yourself to seeing problems instead of opportunities.

Learning from everyone

You don’t have to agree with everything someone says or does to learn from them. In fact, I’d argue that you learn the least from the people you agree with the most. Think about it: how much can someone really teach you if you’re already nodding your head in agreement before they finish a sentence?

December 31, 2009

Five Lessons Learned in 2009

By far, 2009 was the best year of my life to date. My personal growth accelerated to unprecedented levels, I met lots of new people and tried lots of new things. Here at the end of the year, I feel I know myself a whole lot better than I did twelve months ago.

Here are five valuable lessons I learned in 2009:

Inside Out

Things look a lot different from the inside looking out than they do from the outside looking in. I came to understand this when I tried vegetarianism. It was purely for selfish reasons that I decided to experiment with plant-based diets, but after making the switch, all those other reasons (health, animal rights, environment, etc.) began to make a lot more sense.

A.J. Jacobs discovered the same truth, as recounted in his book The Year of Living Biblically. He dove in at the deep end and tried all sorts of religious customs that he previously thought ridiculous, and found positive meaning in many of them. Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it, as they say.

Having learned this lesson, I’m much less prone to prejudge people and their customs, and I often find myself questioning whatever preconceived notions I may have.

Honesty

I learned a lot about honesty, especially in regard to relationships. I used to find it tough being honest at the start, as I was preoccupied trying to impress the other person and avoid tension. But keeping secrets and holding back opinions always came back to bite me in the end. I eventually learned that it’s much better for everyone to lay their cards on the table early and figure out if the relationship can thrive in spite of the differences. Both parties are spared a lot of time and trouble that way.

Volunteering is win-win

I finally started volunteering in 2009, spending time helping out with various organizations around New Orleans at least once a month. Going in, I had the sense that I should volunteer simply because it was my duty: Since life was going great for me, I should sacrifice some of my free time to help the less-fortunate. Sacrifice is the key word there: I assumed I would get little, if anything, from the experience.

How wrong that assumption proved to be. I quickly discovered that helping people in need gave me a great sense of perspective. It became much easier to appreciate my own blessings and to express gratitude. Best of all, I learned that the best people in the world can be found volunteering. Seriously, if you want to meet good, honest, kind-hearted people, you’ll find them helping out at your local food line or homeless shelter.

Growing ain’t easy

Personal development is tough because you’re constantly pushing yourself to the limit to see how far you can go. A lot of self-inspection and courage is required. You have to be willing to fail and suffer embarrassments. If it’s not a struggle, take that as a sign that you could be trying harder.

Also, if you really want to grow, be prepared to go it alone. Lots of people will think you’re crazy, and many who don’t will still keep their distance. No need to be bitter about that though. Most people just want to stick with the status quo and not ruffle any feathers. Understandable, since that path proves much easier in the short term.

Accepting others

I feel I took this to a new level this past year. I used to get upset if someone was rude towards me, but now I just feel sorry for people like that. They’re simply not very good at being nice. In the end, that hurts them much more than it does me.

I also used to get frustrated with people who squandered their potential, but now I better understand and accept that nobody can be forced to grow. Same deal with small-minded people. There’s a lot of truth in these proverbs:

  • You can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make him drink.
  • When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

I find that by focusing on my own growth and development rather than trying to change others, I become more understanding and accepting of other people’s shortcomings, while also expanding my circle of influence.

That was 2009. Here’s to more valuable lessons sought and learned in 2010.