You’ll Never Be Here Again
“Don’t think about all those things you feel, just be glad to feel.” – FC Kahuna, Hayling
It took me almost ten minutes to get down those stairs. She lived on the ninth floor, and we’d just said goodbye. We expected we’d see each other again, but there was a finality to the relationship in that moment. We both knew it.
Part of me wanted to be a manly man, a tough guy, there on those stairs. That part of me didn’t want to cry, didn’t want to acknowledge the sadness.
But I chose to let go. I cried there on those stairs. Blubbed like a baby for a few minutes.
And I felt it right in my chest and in my gut.
And it was beautiful, in a strange sort of way.
…
I get the impression that many of you are counting down the days. You’re on the verge of taking your own leap, on the brink of breaking free. And the wait is killing you. You’re already dreaming of what comes next, the wheels are already in motion, the leap is inevitable, and in the meantime you’re trying your best to ignore your current, unwanted reality. You’d gladly push fast-forward if you could.
Here’s the thing: I don’t believe you can daydream your way out of experiencing the bad, and still expect to be fully there for the good.
I try to be fully there for everything: the ups, the downs, and all that happens in between.
- The awkward moment when you try to strike up conversation with an attractive stranger and get shot down.
- The magic moment when you punch that one-way ticket and feel like the whole wide world is your playground.
- The tearful moment when you’re saying goodbye to a loved one you likely won’t see again for several years.
- The timeless moment when you get completely lost in the sound of a saxaphone at The Spotted Cat on a November afternoon.
- The depressing moment when shit doesn’t turn out as you’d hoped, or takes much longer than you wanted it to.
- The reassuring moment when you make your first $1000 online in a month.
- The disappointing moment when there is no third date, even though you were sure the first two went really fucking well.
- The thrilling moment when your favorite sports team slays a goliath in the final minute, and you’re right there in the building.
- Those long last few weeks in your mundane and uninspiring 9-to-5, before you get started on the adventure of a lifetime.
I believe a life well lived is not an endlessly happy life. Rather, such a life will include heartbreak and loss and sadness and elation and depression and joy and loneliness and the whole damn spectrum of human emotion. Preferably not in quick succession of course 
So, on that stairwell, I stopped and I cried. I let that sadness rip through me. I felt alive in those moments, just as much as I do when experiencing pure happiness.
You’ll have highs and lows, and I encourage you to be fully present for all of those moments, not just the best of them. Instead of trying to escape to your happy place all the time, lean into the discomfort when it comes around. Feel it thoroughly, and then let it go.
Because whatever moment you find yourself in, know and appreciate that you’ll never be there again, and even the worst of them are beautiful in a strange sort of way.
…
P.S. Hello from London! I took the train down from Durham today and promptly met up with Jen Gresham from Everyday Bright for a cuppa. Chalk her up as another blogger I’ve met in person who’s as legendary as they seem online.
Love this post – the tears especially – and I agree with you. A range of all emotions are an asset at the very least. This was a really good reminder of ‘being fully present’ and I thank you for it.
Enjoy your visit to London and let Cocopop know that the link to Jen’s site is a little wonky.
Blessings.
Damn that Cocopop! I think he was up late last night watch Whose Line reruns, getting drunk on pistachios. Just another Thursday
Thanks for the comment, Pamela. I’m glad the post resonated with you.
I feel like you wrote this post for me Niall. I’m at that current moment in my life working that boring office job, counting down the days til I start my South American adventure (I’m quitting right before Christmas). Sometimes I notice myself start to get frustrated about how this job is just trading my time for money, I’m not learning any skills that will help me succeed beyond this job. But I keep reminding myself that I made a commitment, I’m here now, and might as well make the best of it.
One thing I’m curious about with your no plane travels, what do you think about flying to a workshop/conference and back? Is that something you may do when you start making more money that you’re spending?
Hey Trevor, thanks for the comment, man. I had that same struggle in the last few months at my 9-to-5, but yeah, you just have to make the most of it. One thing I did after a particularly frustrating work day was send my future self an email via futureme.org. I wrote exactly how I was feeling and told that freer, future version of myself to appreciate not being there anymore. I got that email a few months after quitting my job, and the freedom was all the sweeter for having fully acknowledged that frustration at the time.
To answer your question: No, I don’t plan to fly to any conferences, even when the money starts rolling in easier. The only exceptions I’ll make for flying on this trip are:
1. If there’s an emergency back home in Ireland (a loved one falling seriously ill or dying, for example).
2. Skydiving.
3. Hot air balloons
Haha, I like your clever exception for flying being hot air balloons, that got a chuckle out of me. Great idea for the future email! I’ll do that next time I’m at work. Thanks and good luck!
Hey Niall,
That feeling is probably one of the most bittersweet feelings there are. But those are the type of feelings I actually like to chase because what is happiness? Does it always have to be positive? A fulfilled life can be simply sensation/feeling/living/doing what you think is right. Everything else is “let the chips fall where they may.” Although it’s interesting how many of the negatives here are within the dating/love realm. Hahaha interesting to examine that.
Thanks for the comment, Matt. I think everyone can relate to the ups and downs of relationships. But most people seem to be chasing perfect happiness with their relationships, and feel like anything less is failure and should be avoided at all costs. I think it’s smarter to embrace all parts of it, the highs and the lows. Like you say, it’s all part of living.
Thank you for a beautiful and moving post.
I agree. It’s great to feel alive, enjoying the ups as much as you suffer the downs. I’m pleased I’m living all these emotions fully, the good as well as the bad, because all are part of the journey, even the hard breaking heart moments, when the only thing you want is for them to pass!
And the good thing is that they pass, the bad and the good ones, and you know they all will, so you allow yourself to experience the laughs and the love and the happiness as much as the pain for the loss, because you know they will pass, and they only thing that left for you is to live your life the best you can.
One last thing: I’m grateful to you because with your words you are not only inspiring, sometimes you steal a smile or a tear… you are doing your share in making me feel alive, so thank you very much, mister!
Thanks you, Miss! I’m glad we share that outlook, and I’m glad for everything we’ve shared
I recently heard a story as part of a religious thing my wife is doing. There is a phrase in the story that resonates very well with this post , it goes something like “After every happiness you are bound to face sadness, but you should not despair since right after sadness there will ALWAYS be happiness”. So, experiencing all types of emotions is what makes us human. And…I am one of those who is waiting to break free
Even though we have planned when we will set out and I understand the current priorities, I still tell my wife every now and then, ‘I feel like breaking loose, just quit my job, walk out of the house and run across the world!’. Thankfully, her support is what brings me back to earth and keeps me going towards the goal !
Great post as always, Niall !
Ciao
Ajay
Great to have someone like that helping you stay in the moment, Ajay. And I like that phrase. I often remind myself that everything comes and everything goes, so just breathe deep and make the best of each moment.
Thanks for the comment!
“You’ll Never Be Here Again”
I choose to be happy!
Cheers!
That’s a smart choice
Thanks, Adis.
I try to live in every moment, because past pass, future is unknown and our life is today
and emotions are today as well )
And even if you cry – it’s your life )
Yup yup, I agree completely. Thanks, Tatiana.
Niall this goes down as one of my favourite of your posts! I found it really inspirational and so true. I’ve always been a believer that we can’t have the highs without the lows as they are the opposite sides of the same coin – so for me both are equally important to embrace and be present for.
Thanks, Caroline! From reading your blog, I knew you’d be on board with this. You do a great job of embracing moments both good and bad, and living more than most
Niall – love this article. I agree wholeheartedly. If you try and shut pain out of your life you’re denying yourself the opportunity to experience joy at the same time. Relationships are the perfect example for this because to embrace love you have to leap blindly into the unknown. You can’t worry about what might happen, what pain might come.
I think it’s important to remind yourself that all pain is temporary, all hurt passes and you can handle it all, can handle everything.
Embrace the uncertainty and live in the present.
Keep up the great posts!
Thanks for the comment, Niall. Much appreciated.
Thank you, Niall, for a beautiful and moving post. I’ve been reading a lot of Steve Jobs quotes the past couple days, especially his commencement address at Stanford, and I think he would be cheering you on right now
Wow, thanks Sarah. Jobs was definitely a guy who lived all out and made a huge difference in the world. Someone to aspire to.
I loved this and it is just perfect for sharing with the book club this wonderful Friday morning. Thank you!
Thank you, Lanay!
Thanks for the real deal Niall. That is why I love your work here so much. You let it flow from the heart and enrich us all with the truth of the matter.
As always, thank you.
Michael
Thanks for the kind words, Michael. Much appreciated
That is a moving post, N, and I must say my standards are pretty high! Can’t disagree with anything, really. The question is how to integrate the REALLY negative experiences and use them to your advantage somehow. It’s not easy. I’ve seen people fall of the train of life because of one really nasty experience. Like a rape, in one example. I’m still mulling over how to help people like that.
Yeah, that’s a tough one, Dean. I realize that I’m among the very lucky ones who have never had to suffer through a traumatic experience like that, or similar. I’m fascinated though by how some people can use such experiences as motivation to do amazing things, while others let it be the end of them.
Thanks for the comment.
Mate!!
I have to agree with Caroline and say that this is my personal best. I remember you saying this in person and I thought it was an amazing insight, but you’ve done an even better job with the written word.
As for the girl thing, I think many a man would feel ashamed to 100% feel them feelings and that’s just not living. Dancing in the rain is one thing, but not allowing yourself to truly feel that bittersweet moment means you’re REALLY missing out!!
Go Niall!
Personal favourite I meant!
That conversation with you was the inspiration for this post, so muchas gracias mi amigo!
Hey Niall,
Great post! I enjoyed reading it. I would like to comment that I do think you can do all of the things you describe in your post (e.g. living in the moment, experiencing the ups and downs, enjoying the adventure) and never leave home to do it.
I, myself, left the comfort of New Orleans for a few years and that was an adventure, but I have to say that my new adventure (my husband, my son) include so many more precious ups and downs and moments to live for than I ever had anywhere else. I guess I just wanted to share that you don’t have to quit your job and leave everything you know to enjoy life. Some of the best part of life are so much smaller and simpler than you might ever dream.
Your friend,
Crystal
Great to hear from you Crystal. And you make an important point. I agree completely that happiness and adventure can be found right where you are. My main hope for everyone reading is that they figure out what the life of their dreams looks like, and then go live it. I’m glad you’ve found yours right there in NOLA
“I believe a life well lived is not an endlessly happy life. Rather, such a life will include heartbreak and loss and sadness and elation and depression and joy and loneliness”….nicely said, I had to sit and think about some stuff …I will have to leave some friends, I love dearly in order to follow my own dreams. Its heartbreaking.
Not easy, Carlos. I hope it all works out for you. Living a great life requires some tough decisions.
I have had a lot of ups and downs in my short time here. Some great times and spectacularly shit times as well. Looking back, I don’t know how I came out of some those shit times with my sanity intact! That said, it was one such spectacularly shit time that would result in me beginning the process of making me who I am today. So for that, I should be thankful.
Also, I admit there were times where I cried myself to sleep over some girl or whatnot. Makes me sound like a big pussy but it also means that I human as well. It makes the good times all the more sweeter as it means I can look back at the bad times, know that I lived through them and that what I have now is made all the more sweeter by it.
I too, have grand plans to leave my home and explore the unknown. I know I will get there but right now, I’m just making the most of what I have.
Love your attitude, Adrian. Just keep on that path and you’ll get to where you want to go.
Cheers!
It was such a treat getting to meet the legendary Niall Doherty before you set off on your round the world trip. Also fun to watch the video and think, “Wow! I live there!”
Looking forward to hearing about your journey, Niall. Already such wisdom in this post, and you’ve only just begun. Great things ahead of you!
Thanks, Jen! Great meeting you on Thursday and getting to explore your neighborhood a little bit. Keep up the great work
Hey Niall,
the link about your first 1000$ a month online infected me with a trojan and took to a suspicious page. Not so good
Hey Pavel. Yeah, his site got hacked yesterday. I think he has it fixed now, not redirecting me to a trojan site anymore. I hope it didn’t affect your computer.
Finally read this! (though I’ll admit I fit in another episode of Mad Men beforehand).
Having the strength to walk away is something I worked hard towards achieving, and I think I’ve done a damn good job of it so far. Like you said, it’s not about trying to search for these bad moments, but if and when they do come about it’s all about handling them and being able to do the thing you set out to do, despite all the hurt.
Cheers, Ben. Thanks for reading.
So true Niall, without the bad, we won’t know how good we have it when it’s good. I welcome and embrace the ups and the downs. Thanks for sharing this.
Thanks, Spyros!