Leaders First
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Ever notice that you’re more at ease doing something new or taboo once you see someone else doing it first? Another person doing it gives you permission to follow suit. They take away some of the risk and uncertainty.
Example: Ever been standing waiting to cross the road in a foreign city? There’s no traffic in sight, but you’re not sure if it’s cool to just go ahead and cross. You think maybe it’s against the law, or just socially unacceptable. But then somebody else steps out and crosses over, and you figure, “Hey, if that person is doing it…” So you go ahead and cross as well.
You didn’t want to go it alone. That one other person doing it made it okay for you.
Another example: You’re in a public restroom, sitting down, needing to let go, but you’re a little concerned about the noise you might make. But then you hear someone in the stall next door letting rip, and you figure, “Well, hey, if they’re cool with it, what am I so worried about?” And so you join them in toilet song.
Silly examples, sure, but this applies to big stuff, too. Like living an unconventional life. We see someone like Chris Guillebeau doing just that, and we’re a little more confident that we can do it, too. We’re more likely to take the leap when we see someone else leaping first.
Thing is though, we don’t really need anyone else to leap first.
Next time you find yourself looking for permission, don’t wait for someone else to come along and give it to you. Give it to yourself. Be that person who lets others know it’s okay to cross the street before the lights change, that it’s no big deal to let rip in a public restroom, that it’s cool to live an unconventional life.
Go ahead and be your own permission giver. And know that you’re not just doing it for yourself. You’re also doing it for everyone else who’s waiting for someone to lead the way.
Hi Niall
You are so right! I’d never thought of it this way before – about waiting for permission.
Thanks for giving me something to think about
Thanks for reading, Debbie!
You’re definently a leader in my book. Going to Spain while still trying to start your own bussiness…
But I would never do it just like that. I always need more certainty and a safety buffer. I think that’s a smarter way to go about it, I even think it’s too dangerous to just do it. Not even with a leader going first.
But that’s why I like reading this blog. I secretly hope you succeed and prove me wrong.
Andy
Thanks, Andy. I hope I prove you wrong, too
I’m actually beginning to think though that moving to Spain was smart from a financial perspective. It cost me very little to move, and the cost of living here is much cheaper than in Ireland. So I may have actually bought myself more time to succeed. I’m looking forward to living even cheaper in India and SE Asia. Really takes the pressure off when you don’t have huge bills looming.
Hola Niall!
Whoa you just totally busted through a stereotype I’ve held in my mind about men! I thought it was a guy thing to fart in public and even congratulate each other on the sound effects. Perhaps that’s just the men in my family. Goes to show stereotypes are bogus!
” You’re also doing it for everyone else who’s waiting for someone to lead the way.” I like that perspective! Not waiting for permission – this is definitely something I need to work on. Thanks for the reminder
Haha, no Tracy, I think that stereotype is well founded. If a bunch of guys know each other, they’ll happily fart away amongst each other. It’s just around strangers that we’re a little shy
Thanks for the comment!
“Next time you find yourself looking for permission, don’t wait for someone else to come along and give it to you. Give it to yourself.”
Couldn’t agree more Niall. My greatest breakthrough was learning to give myself permission.
Wait, who said you could give yourself permission?
Thanks for the comment, Spyros!