If I Should Die…
When I announced on Facebook a few days ago that I received a tourist visa for Iran, and that I should be passing through there next month, several people left messages along the lines of, “Be safe, take care.”
Thing is, I’m not all that concerned about visiting Iran. First of all, two sets of statistics1 2 show that I’m almost twice as likely to be murdered while visiting the USA than while visiting Iran. New Orleans was the murder capital of the country when I moved there in 20073, but somehow I never once felt unsafe during my three years in The Big Easy. Crime was definitely happening, but it seemed most of it was confined to troubled neighborhoods and transpired between warring drug dealers and the like.
Trouble was unlikely to find me unless I went looking for it.
Second, from what I hear from folks who’ve actually visited Iran, they find the people there to be among the friendliest and most accommodating of any country they’ve been to. It seems the regular folk in such countries are so eager to disprove the negative stereotypes that they go out of their way to be hospitable to tourists4.
Yeah, I’m sure Iran isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but I’m also pretty certain that it’s not nearly as hostile as the media would have us believe.
Misplaced fears
While presenting a workshop on blogging several weeks back in Zurich, a lady asked me about identity theft. She was hesitant to use her real name online and write about her personal life, for fear that someone could use that info to gain access to her bank account… or something.
My response to that lady was that yes, identity theft does happen. But as long as you don’t do anything dumb like post your pin number online, the chances of it happening are so small that it’s ridiculous to even worry about it. That would be like avoiding air travel for fear of a plane crash.
The way I see it, focusing on the miniscule chance that something bad might happen, and letting that fear dictate your behavior, is a sure fire way to miss out on all the cool things in life.
Yeah, you might get kidnapped and beheaded in the Middle East, but you’re probably more likely to get knocked down by a bus on your way to visit your grandmother in that home town you never had the courage to leave.
Sure, there’s a greater chance you’ll be a victim of identity theft if you write all about yourself online, but not starting that blog means you don’t get to help and inspire people the world over.
If I Should Die…
Despite all I’ve just written above, those comments on Facebook did get me thinking a bit about death. Two thoughts in particular:
- If I were to die soon, would I die happy with how I’ve lived my life?
- What would be the final message I’d like to share with the world?
So, just in case I do get beheaded in Iran, or flattened by a tram in Budapest, or fall off a tall horse in Turkey, I’m going to go ahead and answer those questions now5.
If I were to die soon, would I die happy with how I’ve lived my life?
I’m sure I can’t accurately answer that question without the threat of death being real, but I’ll give it my best shot anyway.
I like to think that yes, I would die happy. In recent years I feel that I’ve taken full responsibility for my life and started living more in line with my values. I strive to live consciously and spend time doing the things that are truly important to me, instead of living my life the way I feel other people or society at large will approve of.
Knowing that most people never get to live their dreams, I feel fortunate that I’ve already lived the bejesus out of one, and I’m well on my way to living another. The journey towards the latter is hugely fulfilling in itself, so I wouldn’t even be pissed if I died before I truly felt like I’d made it.
Additionally, methinks I’ve done a pretty good job in recent years of battling my own fears and insecurities, instead of continuing to allow them to hold me hostage as they did for a large chunk of my younger life. I’ve made great friends, I’ve loved great women, I’ve experienced joy and elation and heartbreak and sadness, and I’ve allowed myself to feel it all thoroughly.
I also realize and appreciate the fact that I’ve been extremely privileged. Born male to good parents in the Western world. And, lucky fecker that I am, I was born white! As Louis CK says, this being white shit is thoroughly good.
But perhaps more important than the privilege, is that I feel I’ve done a pretty good job of accepting the responsibility that comes with it. I’ve tried somewhat regularly to make a positive difference in the world, to leave people and places better than I found them. I could always have done more of course, and I’ll never get back those six months I wasted playing GTA3 back in college, but overall I’m pretty happy with my contribution to life.
I’m grateful that I’ve had the opportunity to share some things via this blog. It seems I’ve helped a few people, like I’ve made a difference, and that many of my writings continue to have a positive impact. Many thanks to legendary people like you for reading and sharing.
I have very few regrets. I’ve given into fear more than I should have and I’ve wronged more people than I care to admit, but I’ve learned from most of my mistakes and made a consistent effort to correct course whenever I’ve gone astray. Perhaps it would have been nice to start my conscious growth journey at a younger age, but at the same time I know I should be thankful because most folks never start such a journey at all.
So yeah, all in all, life’s been pretty damn good for me so far. There’s still so much I want to see and learn and experience and contribute, but if I should die today, I’d die lucky.
What would be the final message I’d like to share with the world?
There are a few core concepts that I’ve written about here at Disrupting the Rabblement that methinks would serve well as my final message to the world. Bullet mode…
- Think for yourself.
- Live your dreams.
- You don’t have to live your life the way other people expect you to.
- Normal is overrated. Let your freak flag fly.
- Question everything.
- Introduce elephants.
- Live experimentally.
- You are not your past. You are free to reinvent yourself at any moment and become whoever you want to be.
- Adopt a fluid self-concept.
- Try big things.
- Face your fears. Use them as sign posts, pointing the way to your best self.
- Fail often.
- Talk to strangers.
I wrote recently about beliefs changing over time, and how we shouldn’t cling too closely to them. In the comments, Miles made the distinction between beliefs and principles. I’d consider the above list to be the latter. I expect I’ll be writing encouraging words along those lines for as long as I live.
One last thing
If I were to die a horrible, unfair death, I’d like people not to hate whoever was responsible. That would just be a waste of energy, better directed elsewhere. And I’d like people not to miss me when I’m gone. In the words of Dr. Seuss,
Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.
If You Should Die…
This was all just a clever ruse to get you thinking about these things yourself 
So, tell me:
- If you were to die soon, would you die happy with how you’ve lived your life?
- What would be the final message you’d like to share with the world?
Bro, this is awesome!! Love the point of view. I got very similar comments when I went to Nicaragua in 2007. The media DRASTICALLY skews things and I frankly cut that bullshit out. Educate yourself and make your own decisions. The world is beautiful, full of amazing people, and meant to be explored. You are doing just that… you are on the journey! p.s. Giving two weeks notice tomorrow… can’t stand the 9-5 any more
Looking forward to your Iranian updates !!
Rock on, Matt! Excited for you to be quitting and living your passions full-time.
And good to know about Nicaragua. Cheers!
Would I be happy with the life I’ve lived? Not entirely. I’ve never been in a deep relationship, never had kids, never had a home to call my own, and never had a job I was proud of. I’m working on those, but it’s taking up a lot of time.
My last message? Don’t feed the sheep.
Matt recently posted: Achievement Unlocked
Thanks for the comment, Matt! I’ve never done a lot of those things either, and there are many other things I’d like to do before I die. But I’d still die happy without them methinks. I try not to focus on all the things I haven’t done and instead try to focus on everything I’ve been fortunate enough to experience so far.
Great, great, great post! I read it and yes, you left me thinking… If I were to die I think I would be happy enough. I have been living my life the way I wanted most of the time, so I would not be eaten by regrets when the end arrive. I would die quite happy but if death would arrive soon I would be sad because I need more time, there so much more things I want to experience and live… that I would be pretty pissed off with death for arriving so early.
My message: live your life in your own terms, love as much as you can and give yourself to others.
Buen viaje!
María recently posted: The “If is not great, it is not ok” trap. Fight against the fear of not being good enough.
Gracias, María
Niall, you got the Iranian visa! Missed that on Facebook. What was the trick? Will be very interested in that story.
I do think that having kids changes your perspective of death. Were it not for my daughter, I think I could die peacefully and with the knowledge that I found the courage to really start pushing my limits. More I could have done, but I’m happy with what I’ve done. Much like that Seuss quote.
But, my daughter means than any early exit from this life would be very disappointing. I lost my mother at a young age. I just want to be there for my daughter as long as possible, at least long enough to see grandchildren of my own at least. One of my biggest fears is that something would happen to me when she’s still young enough that she might not remember me or the experiences we’ve had together. So, I suppose you could say, I live for my family, which is why one of my core values is “Family first.”
Funny that you like to think about death. I always have too, and I notice my dear daughter is quite obsessed with the subject as well. Interesting!
Thanks for the comment, Jen. That’s a great perspective, and I can see how having kids would indeed change things. I imagine I’d feel the same in that situation.
Regarding the Iranian visa, that one was actually quite easy to get. They had it ready for me within a week, no problem. The Indian visa took longer and I had to chase them up a bit, plus they only gave me a 3-month visa when I applied for a 6-month. Pakistan is the real difficulty though. No joy getting a visa for there yet. Will keep trying!
Absolutely fantastic post – too much to think about to write here yet. Have a great trip onward – as the songs says ‘one more step along the world you go, one more step along the world you go, from the old things to the new, keep me travelling along with you!’:)
Kate x
Thanks, Kate! What song is that?
Niall,
The fact that we share some family tree only scrapes the surface of similarity. I admire your thought process and honesty with yourself, truly how can we be honest with others without that foundation.
Death.. from my own personal experience death has been an intimate part of my life from an early age. It started with my best friend’s mom and seemed to kick off a snowball ranging from best friends to close friends to family to father. I suppose the full range of emotions, and the process that led me to who I am now, would be a rabbling unto itself.. but really there has been one key lesson of which I live my life by every single day. Perhaps I have been jaded by death, but at the same time it has led me to a deep and profound personal sense of freedom. And that freedom, is the freedom from the fear of death.
Most people would read that sentence and be unable to believe it, thinking only of their own lives and how people can only say those words yet not really live them. But I suppose it takes someone who knows death so intimately to realize, and truly conquer, that it is simply an inevitability. But to actually live those words is an experience unto itself and one truly not worth missing. For to live without the fear of death, I really believe, is the only way to live at all.
Have fun in Iran.
Very cool, Sean. Thanks for sharing that. I really haven’t lost many people close to me, so methinks I have a lot to learn about death and saying final goodbyes to loved ones.
Agreed that being free from the fear of death allows you to live all the more. I feel one of the reasons I feel I’d die happy is because I feel I’m really living. Perhaps it works both ways!?
It may sound really weird, but one of the (very few) advantages to having Bipolar is that you are always aware that your life could cut short at any time. This has made me think in a strangely twisted terms of ‘What do I have to achieve before I can top myself’. Now, as much as I try not to top myself, it does make me look at my life and think ‘hmmm what one thing would I be so happy to achieve that I could be satisfied enough to call it quits from life afterwards’.
As I keep saying, I realise this is very strange way of looking at things, but it meant that I have gone out of my way to do things that if I was to die soon, I’d be happy having done them. Stuff like my PhD, and then quitting academia to go do other things that I want to do.
My final message would be ‘you can turn every negative situation in to a positive one’.
Looking very much forward to hearing about how Iran is.
AK recently posted: Introducing the Bipolar Finance series
Love the way you look at life, AK. Thanks for sharing.
Great post, Niall.
I would not be happy with my life. I have gone through a lot of shit for more than 2 decades and only started living to the fullest for a year or so. There are so many things I want to do, so many places to discover, so much work to share with the world and I have so much love to give. I have found the love of my life, so I guess that this is a redeeming point, but it’d be a shame to have to go now.
My last message would be to encourage people to never stop fighting, no matter what they’re doing, what they have to endure, there is always a way out.
Anne-Sophie recently posted: Walking on the Edge
Great last message, Anne-Sophie. I love that. And I’m glad you’ve been able to turn the corner and start living life to the fullest. Unfortunately, many people never do.
Yup, unfortunately, you are right. However, I truly believe that we can be role models and inspire others to do the same.
Anne-Sophie recently posted: To eat or not to eat
Love the bullet points. I think most folks would be happier if they could live by them. Too many trying to live the life that’s “expected” of them. I’ve decided that’s bull-shit. I wish I would have come to this conclusion way before my 50s.
I hear you, Debi. I’m only 29 and I sometimes find myself wishing I’d got my shit together and had a few of these realizations sooner. Oh well, better have them late than never
Thanks for the comment!
Mate, rock on in Iran! Would have loved to visit there (Don’t think I’ll ever get a visa with an Israeli passport
) and I’m sure the majority of people are hospitable, generous and welcoming of visitors. This is pretty much my experience each time I visited an Arab country. Live out the dream!
Thanks, Tal. Bugs me that folks from one country can’t visit other countries. Restricted by man-made invisible lines. Sigh.
Hi Niall,
great blogpost and for sure you made us think again…
Yes, I could die happy today – I feel very lucky about a lot of things I did the past ten years, mostly around horses and helicopters. Some things were incredible and I had to push my comfort zone, and I am so thankful for exactly that!
My final message would be a famous Goethe quote which says it all for me:
“Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.”
Beautiful. Thanks, Sabine!
The concept of death is something that has actually fascinated me since I was young. Mainly because of the age old question ‘ What happens afterwards? ‘ Its something that we all find out one day and while I won’t say much on the issue, I will say the thought of there being NOTHING after death quite frankly, bothers me.
The comments also reminded of a good book I had a few years ago called ‘ Death and the Afterlife. ‘ The book detailed what happens to our bodies when we die, suicide, cultural treatment of death as well as the concept of an after life. It was one of those books that was full of photos and Illustrations through out. Too bad I lost it.
As for the questions, I’m going to be honest, if I was to die soon, I wouldn’t be completely happy with how I’ve lived my life. Sure, I’ve done some nice things as it is but I haven’t found someone to love, have a child call me ‘ Dad ‘ and haven’t traveled no where near enough yet. I’ve already mentioned I plan on travelling this year so it would suck if I was to die before this happened.
I’ve also haven’t broken free of my bounds fully yet, I seem to be in a peroid where I am simply ‘ waiting ‘ ( saving for the road ahead, etc. ) However, in spite of that, I do know that I would still be able to find peace when I know my time is near if it is expected.
My final message to the world:
* Most rules can be bent or even broken without consquence, please don’t live life trying to obey EVERYTHING – Its impossible and will only make you miserable
* If it feels right and brings you joy, then do it, ignore what others tell you.
* Before you go to that college, get that degree, get that job, get that girl, get that house, first consider if this is what you truly want and ask if there is another way that what others have told you
* Mourn me if you most but please don’t be sad that I am gone for too long. You will be doing me a great disservice if you let your life fall apart because of my death.
I wouldn’t worry about there being nothing after death. I thought like that once until I read a quote from Albert Einstein, who replied when asked “do you believe in life after death”? He replied “Yes, because the mind is made up of energy and energy cant cease to exist. It just finds another form”
Seconding that, Gary! I read a great book by Deepak Chopra a few years back called Life After Death. Completely changed the way I thought about it.
First, I just wanted to say that I’ve been following your blog for a bit now and I really enjoy your candor and thoughts in general.
The second thing I wanted to write is that this post came at the exact right time for me, as I’ve recently been pondering over whether I want to study in the Czech Republic this fall. It’s something I really want to do, but I just studied in the Netherlands for five months so there was a lot of bureaucratic red tape and fuss in my department before I was even allowed to considering applying out again. Also, since I just did the whole residence visa application last July, I know how much of a hassle all the paperwork is and wasn’t fancying going through all that again.
When I read your post, though, I realized that hey, I’m young, I can afford it (…with work), I’ll never have so few commitments in my life again – I should apply! If the biggest obstacle I have is a little bit of paperwork, I’m a pretty lucky chick. So now I’m going to go for it. Thank you for giving the last push to do so.
Thanks so much, Sara! Your comment just made my morning