How To Change Your Mind
I can’t find the exact quote, but I recall Steve Pavlina tweeting something along these lines many months ago:
You do realize that it’s impossible for me to continue to grow and evolve while simultaneously staying true to everything I’ve ever written, right?
A friend recently called me out on an old post I wrote which explained why I didn’t require people to subscribe to my mailing list before downloading my manifesto.
Except that now I do.
I’ve written lots of other things on this blog that I’ve since developed different views on. For instance:
- When I first decided to quit my job and go the self-employment route, I wrote that it would take me no longer than 3-4 months to start generating enough passive income to cover my expenses. In reality, it ended up taking me about a year to start covering my expenses, and I wasn’t able to do it with passive income.
- I believed I could put on 20 lbs of muscle, in six weeks, on a vegan diet, doing just one hour of exercise per week. That didn’t turn out so good.
- I’ve advocated both weekly planning and a quarterly prioritization exercise, but it’s been over a year since I’ve done either myself.
Right now I’m reading a book called The Vegetarian Myth. I balked at first when someone1 suggested I read that book, for the same reason I expect many a vegetarian would: Doing so opens up the possibility that our plant-based worldview may not be so fantastic after all. But knowing how extremely important it is to question assumptions and test beliefs, I go ahead and read such books anyway.
The way I see it, if my worldview isn’t shatterproof, then it’s better it get shattered sooner rather than later.
I won’t write much about the aforementioned book here, except to say that it’s already changing my mind about quite a few things. I don’t agree with the author on every point, but I have to admit that she’s raised issues with vegetarianism that I’d never considered before.
Does this mean I’ll soon abandon my vegan ways? Maybe, maybe not. I give myself permission to change my mind if that’s what feels right. I’d rather not be one of those people who sticks to their beliefs even in the face of overwhelmingly contradictory evidence.
How to Change Your Mind
You’d think this would be easy, but it’s not. Everybody considers themselves to be open-minded, but we’re all closed-minded to varying degrees.
Most of us hold our beliefs sacred. Our identities are all wrapped up in them. And so questioning our beliefs becomes akin to questioning our very being. Unsurprisingly, we’re hesitant to do that.
Additionally, we’re afraid of what other people will think of us should we reverse our stance on something. When you’ve been an outspoken ambassador of X for several years, you’re wary of being labeled a hypocrite should you have a sudden revelation that Y is actually the smarter choice. That fear can hold us hostage, causing us to ignore the factual so we can stick with our original beliefs and not have to admit that we were mistaken before.
The solution is to never cling too closely to your beliefs in the first place. Stand apart from them. Realize that they’ll probably change over time.
By all means, live your beliefs to the max and share them with others, but don’t fall into the trap of thinking you have all the answers. Part of being committed to a life of growth and evolution is accepting that you’ll be proven wrong quite often.
What’s changed?
What beliefs did you once hold strong but later abandon? What caused you to change your mind? What might it take for you to abandon some of your current core beliefs?
Beliefs can change I agree and plan my life on those changes. Is there a difference between living you life based on beliefs and living your life based on principles? I believe (there goes that word) that if one lives or guides one’s life and everything in one’s life by proven ‘principles’ beliefs can change without one being labeled a hypocrite. Principles or fundamental truths serve as the foundation for a system of belief or behavior or for a chain of reasoning, as Mr. Webster would say.
So the way I see it, I try to get my basic principles down, then everything else is easy. Beliefs will change on whatever information is available at the time, Principles have been proven for eons (ok, maybe not that long) of years.
Interesting. Can you share some examples of beliefs vs. principles? And would principles be the same as values?
I list my highest values as truth and freedom. I expect other values might take priority in future, but truth and freedom will always be up there near the top, no matter my beliefs.
Principles and Values for the purpose of this conversation can be interchangeable. Beliefs are based on principles.
Principle: “Treat your body with the utmost respect and care”
Belief: If that means being vegan because of the information you have then you are vegan.
If new info comes to light and you find that making changes better align with the main principle of taking care of your body, then you change.
That’s the beauty of Principles, by stating your Principles as the reason for your beliefs, you can change your beliefs if they don’t align with your Principles. If others know your Principles or Values, nobody faults you if you rearrange the belief blocks in your life.
Now here is another side, selecting the Values that you will base your beliefs on. Where will you come up with those?
Thanks for that Miles. Great example.
As for selecting values, Steve Pavlina can help you there
If you haven’t studied LessWrong in depth already, you should.
Relevant example: http://wiki.lesswrong.com/wiki/How_To_Actually_Change_Your_Mind
The site is very tough love: at first you will feel like an irrational piece of shit, but after a while it will do wonders for your general sanity.
Hadn’t heard of that site at all before. Thanks for sharing!
This is kind of connected, t’is definitely a change of belief. When Amy Winehouse died from all the drug abuse I felt rather sad for her and her family. Not because she was an awesome artist, but because I felt really badly for anyone who suffers such an addiction.
My mate pointed out that the Anthony a few years ago would have been like; “it’s a shame she’s dead, but I have zero sympathy for someone who chooses to fuck up their body – there’s plenty of people who want to live, but can’t….bla bla bla.
He was right, I totally would have looked at it that way back then. Like now when I hear about people getting over heroine addiction, even though I’m anti-drugs, I now feel a huge level of respect for them overcoming such a powerful demon.
What do you think caused your beliefs to change like that?
I honestly don’t know. It’s either a one of, or a combination of; becoming more emapathetic – or just less judgemental.
Changing your mind is natural progression. What is stupid is if someone refuses to change their mind when they know deep down that they don’t believe in it (not directed at you personally).
I’m so happy to see that you thoroughly question your beliefs
AK recently posted: How to settle in to a new city – Asperger’s style
Thanks for the comment, AK. Unfortunately, lots of people would rather be stupid than look stupid, or at least that’s the impression I get!
I used to be an atheist. Now I’m a theist.
I used to eat animal anything. Now I don’t.
I used to be a nihilist. Now I believe that Meaning is the end towards which all people strive (I even capitalize it!).
I used to be valueless (so I thought). Now I believe that values are sublime.
I used to be 18. Now I’m 19.
People change. You changed.
I’ve been wrestling a lot recently with the ways in which people tie themselves to their past beliefs and actions. After all, they are the only real ways to define ourselves.
I think that, ultimately, that’s the thing – there is a wonderful, magical, exciting grey area between the spontaneity and openness of the human growing, and the rigidity and quirkiness of the human being.
Thanks for your article, Niall! It was good thinking. (Congrats on the Iranian Visa!)
Could you take maybe two minutes to describe a few of the points behind The Vegetarian Myth?
Thanks for the comment, Shane.
I think the most impactful thing for me in the book so far has been the points on agriculture, and how destructive that has been to ecosystems. If you’re vegetarian but don’t grow your own food, then it’s likely that animals had to die for your dinner, whether there’s meat in it or not.
More than anything though, the book has made me realize just how complex it all is and how much we still don’t know about what’s good for us and the planet. I still think veganism may be a good idea, but I’m a lot less certain than I once was.
Nah fuck it mate, you’ve shown up, you’ve got strong values (bonus points for having values at all), we live & learn & evolve.
They thought the Earth was flat and that you’d fall off the edge, it’s only human to change your mind. We’re moving on an learning from mistakes, (un)fortunately for bloggers & writers everything is down on paper.
Keep up the good work mate. Loving the new site design.
You mean the Earth isn’t flat? Then how am I supposed to live on the edge?
You know why Bono fell off the stage eh? … Got too close to the edge!..
Sorry about that.
Andrew recently posted: Travel Plans 2012 – Destination India
Hi there – another great post and really interesting comments. I immediately respond to your question at the end as I have been thinking about these very issues recently.
Since moving to Spain and leaving the UK i have made many big changes in my life. Some of these are behaviours and some are changes of opinion about things I used to be fairly vocal about. If I listen to my heart then I find it is a place of movement and change, where new information is processed helping me find my way through life.
1/ I have started to eat meat after being a vegetarian for about 40 years. It crept up slowly as I tried to fit in to a meat eating culture and at first I was a bit apologetic and ashamed. But recently I decided to let go of judgements and look at the deeper values. So I try not to eat meat that is produced intensively, I ask questions about the meat I eat so I am engaging in a discussion with others and I give thanks to the animal who provided it when I am eating. I still eat 75% vegetarian but I no longer call myself that.
2/ For 25 years my close intimate and sexual relationships were with women. I was a feminist in the 1980s and 90s and I went through my angry period as well as my nesting not so political period. Five years ago I realised I wanted to have sex with men again and I now live with a male partner. I am perfectly happy with this but I am aware that this change also has made some people question my real identity. Who am I really?
3/ I try to question my beliefs if I find myself getting too agitated about something. I try out the other side, just to see how it fits. Perhaps I return to my first position but I am really aware now how much we adapt and change and how some beliefs are based on the desires of the moment, some are reactions to the beliefs of others and some are things passed down through the family.
4/ My values are much the same as always. I try to be kind, to be honest, to be generous and to be a good friend. I believe it is important to be grateful for what we receive in life and to learn from everything that comes our way.
I really like the way you keep open to life. Really interesting stuff. thanks and best wishes Kate
Great examples, Kate. Thank you for sharing. I think when others feel uncomfortable about you changing your mind and wonder who you really are, they may be the types who cling a bit too closely to their own beliefs.
This is a quality post. Its scary to me how many Americans still make decisions based on what “God tells them to do”. And as if fervently believing in God against all evidence and rational thought isn’t counter intuitive enough, most of these folks believe in a bastardized, super right wing version of Jesus that is so completely fucked. And then we haven’t even gotten into the billion-plus Muslims who are even more right wing. Ugh its such a mess.
Certainty is one of the basic human needs. Fundamentalists hack this need by deciding on 1 holy scripture or whatever, and never deviating from it. Certainty is good, but this approach is misguided of course.
We should become fundamentalists (ie 100% certain) about good things like our self-worth, optimism, and the goodness of personal growth for instance.
Oh anyways yah I’m agnostic now that’s my change.
I think I was more of a jerk about things in general when I was Catholic and semi-vegetarian. I’m more open-minded now, as an agnostic carnivore who listens to Dan Savage and reads blogs like this. I like the idea of becoming more open-minded the older I get, instead of set it my ways. The answer must be read read read, talk talk talk. Stay connected to people and you won’t be able to seal yourself off from new ways of thinking.
Also, Gary Taubes is the man you want to read regarding all issues with food.
Thanks for reading the book and for writing this post! It shows a lot of courage on your part.
Sometimes I feel like I’m too gullible, and that I too easily change my mind on the basis of too little information. I’ll get all excited about some idea I hear, only to feel really dumb when someone more critical comes along and demands more evidence that I’m unable to provide. That’s why I asked you to read the book– I wanted to see if it would affect you the same way it did me. I still want to explore the ideas in the book further, but now I feel a little more assured that I’m not just being gullible. So thanks again!
Thanks for the recommendation, Jana. Have you checked out the Amazon reviews for the book. Some good criticisms there. Like I said, the book is changing my mind about a few things, but some of the author’s claims are questionable.
And I hear you about the gullible thing. I often feel I’m too much that way myself.
I actually skimmed through some of those reviews before reading the book itself, and I just went back and read some of the reviews more thoroughly. It sounds like the author didn’t do her research nearly as well as she could have, which is a shame. I also felt like a lot of the book got pretty bogged down with the author’s own personal, emotional agenda. I’m not sure if I agree with everything she says, either… But her basic premise (that agriculture is the ultimate root of all the problems in the food industry) makes a lot of logical sense to me nonetheless. I plan to read some more books on the subject.
Agreed on those criticisms, Jana. And I also agree about the agriculture thing. That’s been the most eye-opening thing about the book so far.
I plan to read Michael Pollan next. Been meaning to for years.
Beliefs that I have later abandoned were beliefs that were severly limiting me and were making me to be an elitist jerk – the best example was being all high and mighty to those who smoked when I was in school – the problem started when I realised that well over half of the people I knew smoked and all that stuff.
I actually changed my mind mianly because if I didn’t, I’d have no friends! In reality, it was a good idea, made many friends and while I myself won’t ever smoke, I have no problem with people doing those things because aside from that, they are generally nice person, my old mindset was resulting in me missing out on those friendships, glad that I’m over that now!
Then again, we have to remember when we’re teenagers, we usually tend to think we’re right about everything! I know better now and know that some of my current views will probably be challegned in the future, I accept and embrace that, its all apart of growing and evolving, you may say.
Absolutely, Adrian. I went through a similar realization myself. If we hold out for flawless friends we’ll likely be waiting a long time for friendship.
The FREEDOM to change your mind whenever you want is real freedom! It’s not about holding to your beliefs or something you said, it’s about having the ability to change them at any given time to suit your higher interests.
People who criticize only wish deep down that they had the courage to change their minds as freely. For they are stuck in fear. In fear of what others will think since they “changed their mind”.
A mind that stays the same is quite boring and not prone to growth in my opinion.
Keep growing Niall and keep changing your mind any time you find necessary
Matt
Cheers, Matt. I agree with you completely on that.
Hmm. Some people’s bodies can handle vegan some can’t. Mine can’t! Apparently yours can.
Me = there long enough for my gastroenterologist to order changes in my diet. As in, “if you want to commit suicide that will do it.”
[though while traveling it probably was safer for me!! did not do good things for my body long term]
Niall, if you do decide to vary from vegan, you may want to start with eggs. Real eggs: from cage free chickens. Lots of good stuff for you in them.
Yes, how to change your mind is part of growth.
For me, I left the Catholic church and went searching – and came full circle back to the Catholic church. God is in the Catholic church… elsewhere too but consistently in the Catholic church despite all the horrors by humans in the church. Work from the inside and all that:)
Yes, God is real. I know each of us meet God face to face. And when it happens for you after you die, that’s the ultimate how to change your mind question, isn’t it?!
Thanks for the comment, Cynthia. Speaking about life after death, here’s a book by Deepak Chopra you might be interested in. I read it a couple of years ago and it blew my mind.
Hi Niall,
I’m realizing I change often. Lately my wife nicely confronted me with several life choices that I changed my mind on:
-quitting facebook (I’ve just returned)
-not using credit cards (I stopped for 2 months and then found that credit cards + mint was)
-i stopped alcohol for 3 months and now I drink (way more moderately than before
-I did not believe in Apple products 6 years ago and now I’m an ios programmer, etc…
I suppose my wife feels ok to confront me with these and other people just silently think about it without saying anything.
The thing is, I don’t really care if I look like an hypocrit or not. I see stubborn people who stay miserable because they are to afraid to change. Yes people wil judge you, so what? At least change leads to finding the “right” parameters for your life.
Great post Niall
Take care
Manu
Manuel Loigeret recently posted: You are part of the discussion
“I see stubborn people who stay miserable because they are to afraid to change.”
Yup, me too. Terrible way to life methinks. I’d rather risk being labeled a hypocrite than not change my mind at all.
Great stuff like!
I’ve done a lot of things or acted in a lot of ways in the past that I’m not particularly proud of, or that just seem really unintelligent to me now. And I’ve been a lot of things that now I’m almost the complete antithesis of(including vegan!).
It’s good of you to go outside of yourself and read a book with a very different viewpoint, that can be a hard thing to do.
Irony has been a bit of a theme lately in my life. I reckon that learning to embrace irony as a fascinating magical thing that presents great opportunities for us made allthe difference for me.
Really like the above comments on principles. I’ve heard the same thing said about goals, that it better to concentrate on the energy behind the goal, WHY you want whatever it is, and not to cling to the content because you might end up fulfilling it in a totally unexpected way.
Anyway, as an aside, if you are contemplating a lifestyle change, which you may or may not be, this blog made a really big difference for me personally!
http://www.marksdailyapple.com/
First comment, I hope Cocopop will be good to me.
Cheers! Sláinte! Good luck to ya! Have a great laugh in Budapest!
Cheers, Patrick. Cocopop likes your style
My first reaction: Oh no – I’m just 57 days into my vegetarian trial and now you come up with that news!
But I am still happy with my choice and therefore continue for the time being. I live on a farm and we still do grow a lot of our food in the garden (and used to have pigs and cows, great meat!). I am supplying eggs from really happy free-roaming chicken to my colleagues at work
Definitely keep going with it if it feels right for you, Sabine. Experimenting with my diet was really the start of me questioning everything, so I have no regrets about it whatsoever, and I suspect I never will.
I think its a cyclical, you start out young hot headed and you know best. As you age you begin to mellow and are more open to ideas, but as you get old you go back to being stubborn and set in your ways.
A major change that I have noticed, is my attitude toward hunting. When I was young I knew I couldn’t kill a living thing despite the fact I eat meat. Now (and I know this wont go down well here) I would. I plan on going on some survival courses as an experiment in self reliance this year. That will involve setting traps. If you gave me an air rifle now and a rabbit to shoot at, I would pull the trigger. Ten years ago I couldn’t have done it.
I am not sure what changed my mind, other than I want to be self reliant and the freedom that brings. I want to be my own man I don’t want to rely on anyone for anything.
Thanks for the comment, Gary. I’ve actually changed my mind about hunting myself over the past year or so. I’m not sure I could bring myself to kill an animal, but I do think that going out to the woods and shooting a deer for food is a lot more respectful than grabbing a quarter pounder at McDonald’s. The disconnect is what bothers me most. I think if you’re willing to eat meat, you should be willing to kill an animal yourself.
I had that very conversation with a friend of mine. When I told him I wanted to try hunting this year, he looked at me like I was weird. Although he eats meat the thought of killing it himself was an anathema. Whereas I agree with you if you are willing to eat meat you should be willing to kill it. I think by doing so you have more respect for the life you are taking.
Also, a Rabbit shot in the wild has had a better life than a battery hen stuffed in a cage all its life and fattened by force feeding it growth hormone. I think that disconnection that causes a lot of animals to suffer. A hunter will always go for a clean kill, minimal suffering. You don’t get that in an abattoir.
Just for the record I don’t eat in McDonald’s. I would have to be desperate before I ate in there.
Cynthia when you meet God face to face please tell him that Ron in WI thinks he’s doing a really crap job. Thanks!
Hey Niall!
I have a couple other comments in your previous posts, but this one actually reminded me of them.
How have I changed? Well, simply because we change, and our environment changes. So, we have to adapt to new situations, like we use to eat only breast milk, but we changed… I use to speak only Spanish, but situations changed and I changed, now I’m a bilingual.
I know, sounds trivial, but its an example of how simply adaptations makes us change.
Now, I believe fundamental changes can happen, even when we try and stay truth to our principles.
Take, for example, my family. I used to want 3 kids. I have one beautiful daughter, and now I don’t want more. I’ve grown wiser (I like to believe so) and now I know we’re just too many in the world, so I’d like to make my part on staying just with one.
Another example? I used to believe in the institution of marriage. Now with both empirical and theoretical knowledge, I just believe it doesn’t (more on that, on a blog post coming soon).
More? I used to, but now I don’t actually believe that “family is the society’s base”. I do believe families are very VERY valuable, but I think societies can exist without them.
And like those, many other examples, where as You mention, we either changed minds, or simply were wrong before.
Now, “How to change your mind”, I’ve found its really easy, once you’ve learned to accept yourself as you are. With defects and all. With the actual possibility of being wrong and make mistakes, and hold yourself accountable for them.
Then, I’ve found, its really easy to just accept that you are what you are, and that like everything else in the world, can change.
Cheers!
Jorge Osuna recently posted: Veganismo: Pensamientos desbalagados…
Always appreciate your thoughts, Jorge. Thanks for sharing
Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg only eats meat he kills himself, so he is a functional vegetarian most of the time.