Disrupting the Rabblement

I’ve written briefly before about how I quit pornography a few years back. Several people have asked me to write more on the topic, so here it is. Obviously this post will be more for men, but ladies are also welcome to read and respond.

Porn and me

Real quick, we’ll start with my story.

I used to be addicted to pornography. By that I mean I couldn’t stop consuming the stuff. Starting in my mid-teens, it wasn’t unusual for me to spend an hour or two at a time (sometimes longer) sitting in a chair staring at a computer screen, clicking from one pornographic image to another, on a relentless search for the perfect scene to help get myself off.

At one point I’m sure I must have had several gigs of hardcore porn downloaded to my computer.

I was always ashamed of this behavior. I wanted to stop but I never could. Even when I started having girlfriends in my twenties, I’d sneak a peek at some porn pretty regularly.

About four years ago I began working hard on my self-discipline and willpower. I decided a good challenge would be to try abstain from porn for forty consecutive days. I managed to do it, and felt so good about myself that I decided not to watch porn ever again.

It’s been more than four years now and I’ve managed to stay true to that decision.

Why quit?

Since you’re reading this there’s a good chance you watch porn yourself and would like to quit, so I probably don’t need to tell you why quitting is a good idea. You probably feel a lot like I did: ashamed of your porn addiction, knowing that your life would be better without it.

But just in case you’re on the fence, take a look at this TEDx Talk by Gary Wilson (16.5 minutes)…

Can’t see the video? Click here.

Relevant points from Wilson’s talk:

• Of all activities on the Internet, porn has the most potential to become addictive.
• The brains of heavy porn users actually become rewired (“structural brain changes”).
• Porn users are less likely to develop social skills, as they spend more time alone.
• Porn users have higher cravings for novelty, shock and surprise.
• Porn users experience a numbed pleasure response and willpower erosion.
• “Internet porn is killing young men’s sexual performance.”
• Men who manage to quit porn report recovery from depression, erectile dysfunction and chronic procrastination.

For me personally, quitting porn led to a boost in social confidence and self-esteem, improved imagination, better and more frequent sex, more intense orgasms, a lot more free time on my hands, and a healthier view of women. Of all the things I’ve tried over the years to enhance my life, quitting porn is easily one of the best. I’m actually struggling here to think of another change that has had such a profound impact.

Okay, so that’s the why. Lots of compelling reasons to quit porn, especially if you find yourself addicted. Probably no big deal if you only watch infrequently.

Now let’s move on to the how…

How to quit pornography

Let me start by saying that there is no magical one way that will work for everyone. Just like there’s no one diet that’s perfect for everyone, or one work situation, or one exercise routine. As such, I’m going to throw out a bunch of ideas here. Some have worked for me personally. Others I’ve only read about but sound pretty smart. Feel free to add any additional tips that have worked for you via the comments.

1. Meditation

I’m listing meditation first for the simple reason that it’s one of the best known ways to increase willpower, and quitting porn certainly requires a hefty dose of that. So don’t worry, I’m not suggesting that you go sit on the floor and meditate the urge away whenever you feel horny for some pink pixel action.

Most people don’t have a good understanding of meditation. You may believe that the whole purpose is to sit still and to try calm your mind, and then you find yourself getting frustrated when your unruly mind keeps wandering. But the key part of meditation is actually that very practice of noticing your mind wandering, regaining your composure, and refocusing your attention on your breath. Doing this over and over again strengthens your willpower. Or, as Kelly McGonigal refers to it in The Willpower Instinct, your won’t power. That is, your ability to say no to destructive urges.

I never personally used meditation to help quit pornography, but I do meditate frequently now (usually just five minutes a day), and I can attest that it does help strengthen willpower as described above.

Try it. Certainly can’t hurt.

2. 30-day trial

This is what worked for me, although I extended the trial to forty days before I decided to stop counting.

A 30-day trial is basically a promise to yourself that you’ll take up a new habit or quit an old one for thirty consecutive days. You then do your very best to keep that promise.

This works better if you remind yourself regularly that you’re allowed to relapse after the trial. So in the case of quitting pornography, you can stay disciplined throughout the trial by reminding yourself that, come day 31, you’re allowed to revel in 24 consecutive hours of filthy Internet porn. This is a bit of self-trickery because, most likely, if you make it to the end of the trial, your cravings will have whittled away significantly and you’ll no longer feel such a strong urge to indulge.

Knowing that there’s a finish line is a strong motivator to continue. One day at a time and you know you’ll get there.

3. Cheat day

Stealing this idea from my current experiments with the Paleo diet. I felt it would be too difficult to go 100% Paleo right from the start. I knew if I tried that I’d likely end up quitting and reverting full-time to a not-so-healthy diet littered with peanut butter and Kit Kat Chunkys. So I allow myself a cheat day, one 24-hour period each week where I can eat whatever the hell I want.

The way I figure it, it’s better to eat Paleo six out of seven days than to half-ass it every day of the week. I find that I usually start craving junk food on about day five each week, but it’s easy to resist the cravings because I know I just have to hold out one more day before I can eat whatever I want again.

I think the cheat day concept would also work well for quitting porn. If you’re having trouble getting through a 30-day trial, try instead to abstain from pornography six days a week, allowing yourself one day to go nuts and indulge. After you get the hang of that, see if you can stretch it out to one cheat day every two weeks. Keep extending until you’re only masturbating in front of a screen every February 29th

If you’re having a really tough time making it six days without porn, start even easier. Try to abstain on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Then only allow yourself to indulge three times a week, then only twice.

You don’t have to fix this thing overnight. Just keep chipping away at it and making steady progress.

4. Delete your stash

To use another diet analogy, it’s much easier to avoid eating the wrong foods if your fridge isn’t stocked with them. Similar deal with porn. If you have a few gigs of the stuff sitting on your hard drive, it’s too easy to succumb to the temptation.

If you’ve got a stash on your computer, take a few minutes now to go and delete it.

Seriously!

Go do it!

Empty it from trash as well so it’s really gone forever.

Now granted, there’s always more where that came from. Nothing stopping you from going online tomorrow and downloading a bunch of fresh stuff. But the extra step now required to get that porn fix is another reminder of what you’re trying to do here, an additional reminder that you’re aiming to give it up. It’s one more checkpoint where you can pause and hopefully reconsider giving into that urge.

The more of these kinds of checkpoints you can set up for yourself, the better. You can rig your browser to prevent you from looking up adult websites. Easy to unrig it, sure, but it’s another checkpoint. Or how about moving your computer out of the bedroom so you’re less likely to be alone in front of that screen? Yeah, you can always move it back, but it’s yet another checkpoint and thus another opportunity to exercise your willpower when temptation takes hold.

5. Accountability

For some people, it really helps to have accountability. That is, you want to make your goal of quitting porn somewhat public. You can confide in a friend if you feel comfortable with that, or else you can post about what you’re trying to do anonymously on an Internet forum, such as the NoFap forum on reddit. Having to check in with other people often provides that extra bit of motivation you might need to keep your promise.

Along these same lines, it might help to make a bet with someone. Tell a friend that you’ll pay him $100 if you crack and look at pornography at any time during the next month. Make the consequence a bit painful. We humans are loss averse, usually motivated more by the fear of losing than gaining. Use that knowledge to your advantage and set yourself up for success.

6. Keep masturbating

If you checked out that reddit forum I mentioned you might have noticed that they advocate quitting pornography and masturbation. Unless you have an active sex life, I don’t advocate quitting masturbation. I once went forty days without orgasm and it was torture. I felt really stressed and desperate for female attention. It’s kind of like the concept of jerking off before a big date. You do that so you’re not preoccupied with thoughts of sex while on the date, so you can relax more, be yourself, and look beyond the girl’s boobs.

For me at least, masturbation is beneficial as it takes the edge off and helps me focus on other things. Quitting porn is hard enough without also trying to deny yourself a good fiddle every now and then. If you really do feel bad about jerking off and would like to quit that too, at the very least wait until you’ve killed your porn addiction first. One thing at a time.

Now, you might be wondering how to masturbate without pornography. Well this is where your old friend imagination comes in. And seriously, for me this was one of the biggest benefits of quitting porn. What your mind can imagine is much sexier than anything you’ll see on a computer screen, especially with practice. I found my fantasies growing more vivid, more real, more arousing. Accordingly, I started having much stronger orgasms via images in my head than I ever had via images on a screen.

So when you need that release, go lie down some place private and comfortable, close your eyes, and see what kind of sexual adventures you can conjure up in your mind. You can even light a candle beforehand and turn it into a real romantic wank

One more tip here is to just give yourself a quick seeing to when you feel that urge. Go some place private and pump one out, then get back to doing whatever. Pornography loses much of its appeal right after you orgasm.

7. Learn pickup

It you were having frequent, hot sex with beautiful women, do you think you’d be jerking off to porn quite so much?

Didn’t think so.

I’ll be honest with you: If you’re not very good with women, quitting porn is going to be tough. Doable, but tough. Essentially what you’ll be doing is strengthening your willpower to compensate for your lack of social skills. It’s much smarter to also be leveling up your social skills and thus increasing your chances of having sex with real women.

Now believe me when I say that it’s definitely possible to improve in this area. Take it from a one-time 22-year-old virgin who once went a whole year living in the United States without getting laid despite having an Irish accent!

Things are very different now. I’ve worked hard and pushed through a lot of fear and discomfort (like that time in Amsterdam) to get to the point where I can actually set eyes on a stunningly beautiful woman and have a decent chance of dating her.

Pickup is a huge topic in itself and I won’t get much into it here. I will say that you need to be careful about your intentions. Come at it from a personal development perspective. You’re trying to become a better, more attractive version of yourself, not figure out how to trick women into sleeping with you.

If you want to learn more, I recommend you start with this lengthy talk by DJ Fuji. Not an easy journey, but definitely worth your time and effort.

8. Handle relapses

I lied a little before.

I have managed to steer clear of hardcore pornography ever since I first quit it four years ago, but in the meantime I have had a handful of slight relapses to the softcore. Sexy YouTube videos and the like. And I don’t just mean watching them, but… you know. I’m proud though that I haven’t let those minor relapses lead me back down the slippery slope and once again become a full-blown porn addict.

And I think this is key, because you’ll likely have some relapses yourself, some slight, some serious. It’s wise to be prepared for such and not let them derail you completely. There is a tendency to just say “fuck it” after a relapse and give up trying to quit, telling yourself that you’re powerless to change.

Bullshit.

Everybody falls. You just have to keep picking yourself up.

It gets easier, trust me.

The biggest thing with a relapse is to not beat yourself up about it and let the situation snowball. My tendency in the past (I’d tried quitting porn multiple times before) was to get really down on myself after a relapse. This only makes things worse, because the shittier you feel about yourself, the harder it is to exercise your willpower. You’ll find yourself thinking things like, “I’m a loser anyway, might as well just go look up some more porn and spend the whole afternoon jerking off.”

Instead of falling into that trap, fully embrace each relapse. FUCKING OWN THAT RELAPSE! Do it like you mean it!

And then when it’s over, it’s over. Don’t feel bad about what just happened, don’t dwell on it. You get up and you try again.

See, the last thing you need after a relapse is a critic. What you really need is a friend. So instead of being your own biggest critic, try being your own best friend.

9. More tips on how to quit

Above are all the major points I want to mention, but there’s lots of other good advice out there that may work well for you. It’s best to try a few different things and see what proves most effective. What works for me might not work for you, and what works for you might not work for Philip.

Who’s Philip?

No idea. I just picked a name.

Anyways, here’s where I link you off to a bunch of “porn addiction recovery tips” hosted on a site created by that same Gary Wilson chap I introduced you to earlier. Just click on over to that page and keep hitting refresh for plenty of advice and inspiration.

Here’s one such smart tip from that link:

I’ve noticed that really helps me is exercise. Whenever I get the urge now (well, most times), I’ll either go to the gym or put on my shoes and try to beat my 5-mile best run time. That pretty much always kills the urge, usually for the rest of the day. I think one of the keys to beating this addiction, or any for that matter, is to replace the destructive habit with a healthy and productive one.

Comments welcome

I wrote this post because I know a lot of guys struggle with quitting porn.

I get it. I’ve been there.

If you find yourself in that struggle now and need some support, you might find it helpful to share in the comments below (you can do so anonymously).

Also, any guys out there who’ve managed to get a handle on this and have some additional tips to share, I’d love to hear from you.

Let’s tackle just a handful of areas in this thing called life…

Friends

You get to choose your friends. Or rather, you get to choose who your friends aren’t. That decision is totally yours to make.

I’ve “broken up” with friends in the past, people who had elbowed their way into my life and tried to impose their friendship on me. It’s awkward to sit someone down and tell them you don’t want to be their friend. Easier to try letting the relationship fade out first. But if that doesn’t work, keep in mind that it’s your life and you get to decide who’s in it. You are fully entitled to give someone the boot, without apology.

(This actually applies to family, too. I never quite get how people can feel loyalty to cruel and horrible people just because they happen to share the same genes. Family ties should never excuse assholery.)

Job

Many people work jobs they hate because they feel they don’t have a choice. Listen, you always have a choice. Always. It might be a shitty choice, but it’s a choice nonetheless. And with some hard work and self-discipline you can vastly improve your options.

I’m not saying you should quit your job today. But know that you always have that choice. And most people who do quit their jobs don’t die or end up living on the street. They figure shit out and they survive.

I doubt anyone in the history of the world has ever said, “You know, I really regret quitting that shit job that made me feel miserable all the time.”

Romance

You call the shots here, too. How attractive you are to the opposite sex isn’t entirely up to you, but you can level your sexy self up quite a bit by taking good care of your body and living the kind of life that people want to be a part of (hint: such a life does not involve watching several hours of TV each day).

You can also, you know, actually go and start conversations with people you’re attracted to. Sometimes they talk back.

Or so I’ve heard.

If you find yourself in a less than ideal relationship, that’s a choice. Assuming your life isn’t in danger or anything, you get to walk away any time you like. There’s a weird phenomenon where people often stay in shit relationships, trying to make them work. It’s like the bad gambler who sees his initial investment fail, and then throws more money on the table to try make things right. Rarely works out well.

If you’re in a relationship and wondering if you should walk away, ask yourself this: Knowing what you know now, if you could go back in time and choose again to start this relationship, would you do it?

Forget history and forget investment. If a relationship is making you miserable, choose to walk away.

Adventure

Let’s end with this one: You get to choose your adventure.

Only you can decide to travel the world, jump out of a plane, learn a foreign language, start working out, study martial arts, find work you love, strap on a cape and save the universe. Nobody decides for you. The responsibility to live big and proud rests entirely on your shoulders.

Time you started calling the shots.

…

Comments here.

1.

I’m outside the club. My wingman has stood me up. The easy option is to go home, get some rest, tomorrow’s another day. But I tell myself no, fuck it, I’ll never be here again. So in I go. First stop restroom. I sit on a throne and give myself a pep talk. When I emerge it’s destination dance floor. I feel foolish for a song, and then I stop caring. Ten minutes later I’m noticing all the cool dudes on the sidelines, sipping their beers, secretly terrified. I feel free.

2.

Functional fitness rolls on. I find myself in a group of ten at Benjakiti Park, being introduced to Parkour by two limber-looking French dudes. We practice walking on all fours. Up, back and sideways. Apparently this is called a quadrupedal warm-up. We move on to cat leaps, precision jumps, tic tacs and vaults. I manage to fall on my ass just once.

3.

Freshly showered and feeling that euphoric brand of exhaustion, I step out of CrossFit and up to the BTS. It’s less than five minutes from gym to train, and both are air conditioned, but in the space between I end up sweating through my shirt. The sweat. It’s the main reason I could never live here long-term. But then I do sweat more than most. If there was one thing I could change about my body, that would be it.

4.

Must admit, I’m going to miss living with Johnny Ward. He just got back late from Phuket and we spent an hour or so chatting it up on the sofa, laughing and sharing stories. I’ve learned a lot from him these past few months, most of the lessons subconscious. Not to man-crush on him too much, but the chap is an assertive, socially confident alpha male with a healthy sense of entitlement. A real-life Tyler Durden, if ever I had one.

Benjakiti Park in Bangkok, where Parkour happens.

5.

I’m in a joyful mood, having just got off the face phone with the Cuz and his blue-eyed bambino. I drop into Boots for a can of deodorant and share a joke with the girl behind the counter. She tells me her name means starlight. I ask if she’s heard the Muse track but alas. I’m ten steps out the door when Jango unleashes the serendipity: “Far away, this ship is taking me far away…” I pause mid-step and consider going back, but I’m late enough as it is.

6.

Legendary chap that he is, Mike lets me spin his motorbike around the block. I figured a refresher was in order since I haven’t been in the saddle since Nepal and tomorrow I’ll be trying for a rental. Ride survived, we walk from the condo around to the nearby train tracks. Mike snaps a few pics of me powerkicking thin air with a backdrop of railside shacks and billboards in the sky.

7.

I meet Franck, the owner. A Frenchman, married to a Thai. Aside from running the bike business he’s also a jeweler. Easy guy to like. He suggests I take the Kawasaki D-Tracker 250. Best way to go, he tells me, is west from Bangkok and then follow the Burmese border north to Chiang Mai. More scenery that way, plenty of waterfalls and the like. I ride out of the shop an hour later and cruise neon streets back to my hotel.

8.

Johnny left this morning, headed for Australia. Middleton and the Peach will both be gone by the time I return to Bangkok. I’ve enjoyed the three months with them. Traveling solo for so long, I’d missed having that core group of friends to hang out with regularly. And now three goodbyes in one day. I’m not very good at goodbyes, and I’m not sure I ever want to be.

9.

“Do you ever get lonely?” My answer used always be no, and I always meant it. But lately… I’m not so sure. Thinking I would have enjoyed the recent trip to Cambodia more if it had been a shared experience. And now here I am at the famous bridge on the River Kwai, surrounded by people in groups. Friends, families, couples. Laughing, joking, snapping photos of each other. I sit on a step and eat some chicken from a stick.

Road trip pitstop at the Krasieo Reservoir, near Dan Chang.

10.

– What if the motorcycle run out of gas? And there is no gas station around?
– I guess I’ll just lie down and wait for the wolves to come get me.
– They wouldn’t attack you if you just lie down.
– I’ll bring some bacon and hide it in my underwear. They should attack me then. Wolves love bacon.

11.

It’s before eleven and I’ve checked into a nice hotel in Mae Sot. The trip is going well. Thai roads are good, traffic has been light, the bike is running smooth, and I’ve managed to steer clear of the law. I felt sure my luck had run out today at a checkpoint — I had a bribe at the ready — but the cop just smiled and waved me through. The blinking red light on my helmet cam probably helped.

12.

Chiang Mai at last. The party is already in full swing as I roll into town. I narrowly avoid a drenching as I maneuver around the moat, but later there’s no escape as first a little girl, then an old lady, and finally five dudes dressed as Kick-Ass soak me in quick succession. I’m as yet unarmed, nare a squirt gun or a bucket on hand to return fire. But mark my words: I will have my vengeance, on this day or the next.

13.

A few people have called me on it, and yeah, I admit, I am somewhat obsessed. And not always in a healthy way. I sometimes wish I could flip a switch, stop caring, and devote all that time and energy to other, more noble things. I find the subject relentlessly fascinating though, and on the whole I believe the obsession has been and continues to be good for me. And others. On the whole. But what keeps me going most of all, is that I just know it would eat away at me if I were to quit.

14.

You’re soaking wet, but you still try to avoid a splashing. Locals you’ve just ambushed invite you to reload from their hose. You get squirted by a ladyboy who then asks if she can ride with you for drive-bys. You notice that pets have made themselves scarce. You’re still not sure if head shots are cool. You begin to resent your parents just a little for never bringing you here as a kid. And you have to pee far more frequently than usual.

Hanging with Travis Garner (TechnoYogi.com) and some new friends at Songkran in Chiang Mai.

15.

I feel a definite shift. Thailand has been good to me, in ways unexpected. My time here hasn’t exactly been the stuff my one-time hopes and dreams were made of. Not what I wanted, but perhaps just what I needed. And yes, the shift seems obvious now, but I’m not ashamed nor regretful of the path I took to get here. The poor man already knows riches are overrated. But it’s not until he attains them that the real knowing takes hold.

…

« Previous Momentos | Comments | Next Momentos »

A friend tells me she finds her work unfulfilling. She wants to quit and go study medicine. But there’s a problem: she’s already 29 years old, and it will take her a good seven years of study to get the qualifications she needs. It’s too late, she says.

I tell her to look at it like this: Seven years from now she will be 36 years old. She can be that age with her medical qualifications, or she can be that age without them. Either way, those years will pass.

…

Earlier this week I received the following comment on the blog:

At the age of 56, I quit my corporate job which was sucking the life out of me and returned to school to become a chiropractor! I graduate in about 7 weeks from this unbelieveable journey. People looked at me like I was crazy and I am so excited about my journey!

…

Comment posted on a CrossFit workout video on YouTube:

These guys are fit and healthy, but they’re mediocre at everything. That’s what generalists are….crossfit = jack of all trades. Why the fuck would anyone strive to be mediocre????

Personally, I really like the idea of being a jack of all trades. You might end up mediocre at many different physical activities, but you win at life. As opposed to the marathon runner who can’t lift a large rock, or the strongman who can’t outrun a three-legged dog.

For most of us, practicing the likes of CrossFit and Parkour is a much better idea than practicing specialist sports/exercise, because you develop a more functional, well-rounded brand of fitness. You’re also far less likely to die of boredom.

…

You probably know some people who have their futures all mapped out. They’ve already got the spouse and a kid or two. They’ve picked a career and they’re fully committed to it until retirement, can’t imagine themselves doing anything else. They’ll likely excel in that career because they’ll stick to it for tens of thousands of hours.

If you’re anything like me, the very idea of such a life gives you the heebie-jeebies. I personally love the idea of living multiple lives. That is, going from one immersion experience to another. To date I’ve lived the shy life, the social life, the drunk life, the basketball life, the superfan life, the 9-to-5 life, the self-employed life, the travel life, the bachelor life… and on and on.

I love it. I feel like I’m really out there doing and seeing things.

Living multiple lives isn’t for everyone of course, I accept that. Some will criticize if for focusing on breadth rather than depth. But, hey, there’s nothing stopping us from diving deep in many different oceans.

…

“When people say ‘life is short’. What the fuck? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does! What can you do that’s longer?” – Billy Connolly

Two points I want to leave you with:

1. Don’t ever feel that it’s too late to change course and go do what you want to do. If you hate your job, quit. If you your relationship sucks, walk away. It’s never too late to start over.
2. If the jack-of-all-trades life appeals to you, go for it. Resist anyone telling you that you should pick one thing and stick to it. Try it all, meet everyone, go everywhere. Multiple lives are yours for the taking.

“Find a job you love and you’ll never work a day in your life!”

Ever hear that phrase? It’s a classic. Follow your passion and life will be peachy. That’s the message.

But I think it’s largely bullshit.

A few weeks back my friend Jordan Fried recorded an (awesome) interview with Gary Vaynerchuk. Gary is a very successful author and entrepreneur. And he’s all about the hustle. Dude works literally fifteen hours a day, every day, week after week. He loves what he does and he does it non-stop. Accordingly, his advice to others who crave success is to find something you love doing, and then work your ass off.

Fair enough, but we all have limits.

See, I don’t think working fifteen hours a day, seven days a week, is sustainable for the vast majority of people. I’ve tried it before myself, on several occasions. Most I can last is a couple of weeks, and then I burn out, badly. Those few weeks of hyper-productivity and accomplishment are typically followed by a few weeks of ugh and self-loathing as I lay on the couch watching mindless YouTube videos, waiting for my energy and motivation to rebuild.

Why the self-loathing? Because I end up asking myself the Sinead O’Connor question over and over again: Where did I go wrong?

I thought maybe I wasn’t eating right. Maybe I wasn’t getting enough sleep. Maybe daily meditation and exercise would help. Well, I’ve experimented with all that stuff. And yes: diet, meditation and exercise have helped. But not to the point where I can get away with working fifteen-hour days indefinitely.

Then I thought that maybe I’m just not passionate enough. Maybe I don’t want it bad enough. Maybe I’m focusing on the wrong stuff. Maybe I’m just lazy. But that doesn’t seem to explain it either. I used to be so passionate about basketball that I moved thousands of miles from home to the city of my favorite team. I went to all their games and scored a media credential and spent all my free time writing about how they threw and bounced a leather ball around a hardwood floor. I was literally living my biggest, wildest dream, and I still got burnt out.

Nowadays I probably love nothing more than flirting and dating and all that lark. But even the thought of doing that stuff for fifteen hours a day, day in and day out… Are you mad!? I’d end up hating my life!

Recently I’ve wondered whether it’s simply beyond my capability to emulate someone like Gary Vaynerchuk. Maybe I’m just not hard-wired to work as hard and as long and as passionately as he does. And I think this may be true for most people. We look up to the Gary V’s of this world and we try to emulate them, but isn’t that a bit like looking up to Shaquille O’Neal and aspiring to some day be as tall as he is?

Maybe it’s not something Gary V does that makes him so successful, but who he is. Maybe he got lucky and was born with an incredibly robust motor, an impressive engine that can sustain fifteen hour work days.

I see other guys online who also seem to have a relentless supply of energy to devote to their work. Chris Guillebeau apparently answers hundreds of emails each day. I once heard him say that he doesn’t mind doing it because he loves interacting with people. Well, I love interacting with people, too, but not enough to sit in front of my inbox for several hours a day.

I want to be clear here that I’m not criticizing guys like Guillebeau and Vaynerchuk. If I could flip a switch in my brain and turn on the relentless energy and passion that these guys seem to possess, I’d do it in an instant and never turn it off. There’s so much that I want to do and learn and experience and accomplish that I often get frustrated with the need for such inconveniences as rest and recuperation. I would love nothing more than to have a better motor, an inexhaustible engine, such sustainably high energy levels that I could devote fifteen (or even just ten!) hours a day to the things I’m passionate about.

But, unfortunately, I don’t.

Chances are, you don’t either.

And it’s time to stop beating ourselves up about it. Time to stop feeling bad about that which we have no real control over. Time to start measuring ourselves against our own unique potential and capacity, rather than against that of the best of the best we follow online.

Because I’m really starting to believe it’s not a fair comparison.

More power to those guys who are happy working fifteen hour days. But I’m certainly not one of them, and I’ll no longer try to be.

How about you? Let me know via the comments.

…

P.S. I’m currently in the midst of a 4-day motorcycle cruise from Bangkok to Chiang Mai. Thanks a mil to Bangkok Bikes Rental for the mean machine I’m riding. Do me a favor by heading over to their Facebook page and clicking the like button. Oh, and stay tuned to my Facebook page and YouTube channel for photos and videos from my trip that I won’t be posting on the blog.