I was raised Catholic in Ireland, went to Mass every Sunday growing up, did both the Communion and Confirmation dealio. I never enjoyed the church experience though, never found any of it particularly meaningful. The most vivid memory I have from religion class in secondary school was when another student asked our reserved teacher if masturbation was wrong¹.

I was 17 years old when I consciously decided to turn my back on religion. I remember it was Christmas Day and I was feeling miserable, battling a cold. I went to Mass anyway. The church was packed, shoulder to shoulder. The pews were jammed so close together that I couldn’t even stand straight when supposed to, instead settling for an uncomfortable half-crouch. Between that and the sickly sweat and the severe snuffles, combined with the complete lack of any warm and fuzzy religious feeling, I concluded that this God dude we were supposed to be worshiping must either have a lousy sense of humor or be entirely fictitious.

Since that day, I’ve never stepped foot in a church for a religious ceremony, save for weddings and funerals. I’ve taken brief looks at other religions in recent years, but never felt especially drawn to any of them.

I do consider myself a spiritual person though. I like to believe in a higher power, in reincarnation, in the connectedness of all things. At the same time, I don’t cling too closely to such beliefs. I don’t have unwavering faith in the unprovable, and I’m cool with the uncertainty of it all. What puts me off most religions is that they claim to have all the answers, to know the unknowable.

A priest I can believe in

Given all of the above, you can imagine my recent surprise when I stumbled across the message of an unusual priest, and felt a strong resonance. I’d been aware of Drew Jacob (aka the Rogue Priest) for several months, but I never quite knew what he was all about until I heard his interview with Greg Berg on Radio Enso².

Here are a few things about Drew that sets him apart from your typical priest:

• He’s a polytheist, meaning he worships many gods.
• He says fuck sometimes.
• He doesn’t have a church.
• Later this year he’ll start walking from Minnesota to Brazil.

Below I highlight a few of the big lessons I’ve taken from Drew’s ebook, Walk Like A God.

Yay for uncertainty

Drew’s a priest who doesn’t preach. He encourages folks to think for themselves. He doesn’t try to convince or convert. He recognizes the value of uncertainty…

I’ll talk about gods and spirits and all sorts of fantastic stuff. You might not believe in those things. That’s smart.

When you let go of certainty you’re primed to seek, and that is the essence of spirituality.

“Religion should be about self-development”

Drew puts a big emphasis on working to become a better version of yourself. We can’t be of much help to others unless we help ourselves first. The better we are as individuals, the more value we can add to the world.

What most people really want is a chance to explore what’s meaningful to them. The structures a religion offers are only worthy as long as they support that… Religion shouldn’t be about belief, and it shouldn’t be about repeated routines.

Religion should be about self-development.

This path of transformation and empowerment represents the opportunity to change the world itself, to leave it a better place than it was before you, to touch lives. There is no better way to have a profound impact on the world than to discover and develop yourself.

Self-empowerment is the most altruistic path.

Take action

Methinks many religions dangerously under-emphasize the importance of getting up off your ass and taking action. Just believe and you’ll be saved, so they say. Same deal with the Law of Attraction. Apparently all you have to do is lie on your couch thinking the correct thoughts and everything you desire will magically manifest itself.

Drew’s not a big fan of this shit either…

There will never be a day when science or philosophy prove that gods exist or don’t exist. You’ll never get that certainty. So let’s not talk about faith.

Instead, here is my suggestion. Look at the world around you. Look at what you do and think every day. These are the things you know exist.

These are the things you have the power to understand and, if you desire, to change.

That’s where spirituality starts: understanding what’s in your power to change, and making it happen.

Organized religion ain’t all bad

As much as I respect the late Christopher Hitchens³, it bugged me that he never seemed to give religion any credit, at all, for anything. I do agree that religion has been the cause of a ridiculous amount of hate, discrimination and injustice in the world, and there’s a good case to be made that we’d be better off without it.

But as Drew notes here, religion also has its redeeming qualities…

I don’t want to knock church. It has its good points. Millions of people find powerful spiritual experiences by attending some kind of formal worship. I would never deny that to anyone.

Church also provides a structure and social network to accompany your spirituality. That’s valuable. It’s hard being an outsider. Churches provide social context and approval. There’s a lot to be said for that.

These benefits are real and important to many people. Religion can fill some basic human needs in a neat little package. Unfortunately, with your allegiance comes a lot of baggage. Which is why I think Alain de Bottom may be on to something with his Atheism 2.0.

Pushing your edge

Drew advocates living the Heroic Life:

To live the Heroic Life means taking action, living for high ideals, charging fearlessly into new and grand plans, building a name around your art or skill, and using your life to change the way the world works.

In the Heroic Life it’s not terribly important whether there is an afterlife, whether gods watch what I do, whether prayers are answered. Instead, I try my best to answer my own prayers. And when I die, if there is nothing more, I’ll have lived a life so exciting and worthwhile that I’ll have no regrets.

I couldn’t be more on board with this. I feel most alive when I’m taking on a big challenge, facing my fears, pushing myself to the limit.

Challenging yourself to your limit is a tool of spiritual development. It is such a strong tool that I call it a weapon of spirituality. By racing into your fears, you radically alter the landscape. Everything changes when you yourself are changing.

It’s not all sunshine and rainbows

Lastly, while Drew advocates living a heroic, adventurous life, he’s careful to note that such a life is not one endless sequence of blissful moments…

The sum experience of adventure is fulfilling and life-changing, but not every minute of it is fun.

My experience supports this. While I’m off living my wildest dream and traveling to new and exciting places regularly, I still have down days. I only feel like Indiana Jones maybe half the time

…

Be sure to check out more of Drew’s writing over at Rogue Priest. Lots of good stuff on there. If you want to support his work, I recommend dropping the $12 on Walk Like A God. Tis a quick but powerful read.

What difference does this make?

A question to wrap this up: Now that you’ve read this, what change are you going to make?

I’ve been asking myself this question a lot recently, every time I finish reading a good book or article.

For years I’ve been reading books, telling myself that I should make some of the advised changes or try some of the recommended exercises, but then I just go on about my life as if I’d never read it in the first place.

What I try to do now, as per Karol Gajda, is take time to reflect after reading. I usually read books on my Kindle and go back over the highlights I’ve made once I’m finished. From those I make a short list of action steps. I ask myself: What am I going to change? How am I going to put this knowledge into practice?

In the case of Drew’s ebook that I linked above…

• Walk just for the sake of walking. I don’t do that enough as is. I usually rush to get places. Going forward, I’ll try to leave a half hour early for appointments so I can take my time and explore, stop to talk to strangers if I feel like, pause to admire a park or a monument or whatever. And I’ll try to take a random walk every so often, with no destination in mind.
• Spend more time in nature. For most of my trip so far I’ve been confined to big cities. Conveniently enough, an opportunity arose to visit several villages in the Romanian countryside this weekend. The timing is as perfect as it will ever be. So I’m in.

How about you? What are you going to change after reading this post, or that next book? It’s fine to decide to change nothing, but let it be a smart, conscious choice.

Note from Niall: The above video and the below post come courtesy of Miss Janet Brent. Janet has jumped on board with my No Self Promo challenge, and we’re hoping more of you will join us in the coming weeks. Read on for the deets…

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Remember when you were in gradeschool and each February, the entire class would craft little Valentines day envelopes to receive Valentines cards from all their classmates? The teacher reminded the class to send a Valentines to everyone and you would toil away, handwriting each card with loving care, and maybe even adding a Sweethearts candy, making sure that each personal message made sense to the person you were writing to, of course. You wouldn’t want “BE MINE” to go to anyone with cooties, right?

Each year, you’d write your cards to everyone in class, and each year, you noticeably got less than others who seemed to hit the jackpot. There was disappointment. Maybe even a loss of self-confidence. But it didn’t stop you from being fair, doing what the teacher said, and selflessly writing individual cards to all.

That was my experience anyway. And I did so with positive energy and no expectations in return.

February is love month (well, not officially, but there’s Valentines day so it kinda counts) and I thought I’d share the love by extending Niall’s No Self Promo Challenge to all of you. I got so inspired when I first read Niall’s entry that I decided to do it for myself and wanted to encourage others to hop on board. Rather than host the challenge on my own blog, where I would in effect be promoting myself, I decided to use Niall’s incredible network as the hub.

Are You Ready to Take the Challenge?

Just add your name and URL in the comments below to let others know you’ll be participating. If you feel like displaying a badge on your site, you can do so, but it isn’t necessary. If so, link it back to this post.

Here are the general guidelines, as per Niall’s original entry:

• Listen more than I talk in conversation.
• All tweets and Facebook updates have to help promote someone else’s work.
• Reach out to at least one person every day and ask how I can help them.
• Actually follow through and help people, without any expectation of reciprocation.
• In every blog post that I write, highlight some cool shit other people are doing.

The rules are subjective, but Niall has a great start. What other “rules” will you commit to personally follow? What would you add to the list? It’s up to you to figure out your level of commitment, but keep in mind the spirit of the No Self Promo Challenge!

Why Should You Join the No Self Promo Challenge?

The original intent of this challenge was to give without any expectations on receiving. This ISN’T an I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine scenario. However, since I am opening this up for YOU to join, we have the benefit of a potential community. Joining the challenge would be a great chance to connect with new people.

If you work online, a month of NO self promo could mean cultivating relationships which ultimately help out your business in the long run. After all, the key to business is service. I firmly believe that in helping others, you also help yourself. Let people know you’re out there by extending a helping hand. Grow your blog. Start conversations!

Don’t have an online business? You can still participate! The goal is to have fun and learn new things. Personally, I’m excited to interview people that I’ve been wanting to anyway. Learn to think more selflessly.

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Another note from Niall: After you leave a comment below, you should totally go check out what Janet’s got going on over at her blog, Purple Panda. She’s got a pretty remarkable story. Here’s one of my favorite posts she wrote: Lessons from the Trenches: Two Polarities.

A quick post to tell you that I just published the latest site progress report for ndoherty.com. The report is available exclusively to my email subscribers. If you’re not interested in website traffic or building an audience online, feel free to skip this (though there are a couple of links at the bottom of this post you may be interested in).

In this latest report, I share some positive results from the recent site redesign, like how my email subscription rate has more than doubled.

Here’s a nice spikey traffic graph…

To view the full report, enter your email address in the box below (click here if you don’t see it).

• If you’re not yet a subscriber, you’ll have to confirm your address by checking your inbox and clicking a link I send to you.
• If you’re already a subscriber, simply enter your email address again, hit submit, and you’ll be taken immediately to a full list of my traffic reports and some other fantasticness. Don’t worry, you won’t be subscribed twice.

Just to be clear: By entering your email address above, you’re signing up to receive email updates from me. That means whenever I post something on the blog, you’ll be notified via email. I may also send out a rare message that doesn’t appear on the blog. You’ll be able to unsubscribe at any time via a link at the bottom of each email.

Let me know via the comments if you have any questions.

Recent interviews

Some friends recently interviewed me about all sorts of things, from passionate living, to random acts of courage, to success shortcuts, to a typical day in the life of me. Check out the interviews here…

• Niall Doherty’s Zero to Hero Story
• Niall Doherty – (Interviews With Passionately Alive People)

Muchas gracias to Tal and Vlad for putting those together.

When I announced on Facebook a few days ago that I received a tourist visa for Iran, and that I should be passing through there next month, several people left messages along the lines of, “Be safe, take care.”

Thing is, I’m not all that concerned about visiting Iran. First of all, two sets of statistics^{1 2} show that I’m almost twice as likely to be murdered while visiting the USA than while visiting Iran. New Orleans was the murder capital of the country when I moved there in 2007³, but somehow I never once felt unsafe during my three years in The Big Easy. Crime was definitely happening, but it seemed most of it was confined to troubled neighborhoods and transpired between warring drug dealers and the like.

Trouble was unlikely to find me unless I went looking for it.

Second, from what I hear from folks who’ve actually visited Iran, they find the people there to be among the friendliest and most accommodating of any country they’ve been to. It seems the regular folk in such countries are so eager to disprove the negative stereotypes that they go out of their way to be hospitable to tourists⁴.

Yeah, I’m sure Iran isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, but I’m also pretty certain that it’s not nearly as hostile as the media would have us believe.

Misplaced fears

While presenting a workshop on blogging several weeks back in Zurich, a lady asked me about identity theft. She was hesitant to use her real name online and write about her personal life, for fear that someone could use that info to gain access to her bank account… or something.

My response to that lady was that yes, identity theft does happen. But as long as you don’t do anything dumb like post your pin number online, the chances of it happening are so small that it’s ridiculous to even worry about it. That would be like avoiding air travel for fear of a plane crash.

The way I see it, focusing on the miniscule chance that something bad might happen, and letting that fear dictate your behavior, is a sure fire way to miss out on all the cool things in life.

Yeah, you might get kidnapped and beheaded in the Middle East, but you’re probably more likely to get knocked down by a bus on your way to visit your grandmother in that home town you never had the courage to leave.

Sure, there’s a greater chance you’ll be a victim of identity theft if you write all about yourself online, but not starting that blog means you don’t get to help and inspire people the world over.

If I Should Die…

Despite all I’ve just written above, those comments on Facebook did get me thinking a bit about death. Two thoughts in particular:

• If I were to die soon, would I die happy with how I’ve lived my life?
• What would be the final message I’d like to share with the world?

So, just in case I do get beheaded in Iran, or flattened by a tram in Budapest, or fall off a tall horse in Turkey, I’m going to go ahead and answer those questions now⁵.

If I were to die soon, would I die happy with how I’ve lived my life?

I’m sure I can’t accurately answer that question without the threat of death being real, but I’ll give it my best shot anyway.

I like to think that yes, I would die happy. In recent years I feel that I’ve taken full responsibility for my life and started living more in line with my values. I strive to live consciously and spend time doing the things that are truly important to me, instead of living my life the way I feel other people or society at large will approve of.

Knowing that most people never get to live their dreams, I feel fortunate that I’ve already lived the bejesus out of one, and I’m well on my way to living another. The journey towards the latter is hugely fulfilling in itself, so I wouldn’t even be pissed if I died before I truly felt like I’d made it.

Additionally, methinks I’ve done a pretty good job in recent years of battling my own fears and insecurities, instead of continuing to allow them to hold me hostage as they did for a large chunk of my younger life. I’ve made great friends, I’ve loved great women, I’ve experienced joy and elation and heartbreak and sadness, and I’ve allowed myself to feel it all thoroughly.

I also realize and appreciate the fact that I’ve been extremely privileged. Born male to good parents in the Western world. And, lucky fecker that I am, I was born white! As Louis CK says, this being white shit is thoroughly good.

But perhaps more important than the privilege, is that I feel I’ve done a pretty good job of accepting the responsibility that comes with it. I’ve tried somewhat regularly to make a positive difference in the world, to leave people and places better than I found them. I could always have done more of course, and I’ll never get back those six months I wasted playing GTA3 back in college, but overall I’m pretty happy with my contribution to life.

I’m grateful that I’ve had the opportunity to share some things via this blog. It seems I’ve helped a few people, like I’ve made a difference, and that many of my writings continue to have a positive impact. Many thanks to legendary people like you for reading and sharing.

I have very few regrets. I’ve given into fear more than I should have and I’ve wronged more people than I care to admit, but I’ve learned from most of my mistakes and made a consistent effort to correct course whenever I’ve gone astray. Perhaps it would have been nice to start my conscious growth journey at a younger age, but at the same time I know I should be thankful because most folks never start such a journey at all.

So yeah, all in all, life’s been pretty damn good for me so far. There’s still so much I want to see and learn and experience and contribute, but if I should die today, I’d die lucky.

What would be the final message I’d like to share with the world?

There are a few core concepts that I’ve written about here at Disrupting the Rabblement that methinks would serve well as my final message to the world. Bullet mode…

• Think for yourself.
• Live your dreams.
• You don’t have to live your life the way other people expect you to.
• Normal is overrated. Let your freak flag fly.
• Question everything.
• Introduce elephants.
• Live experimentally.
• You are not your past. You are free to reinvent yourself at any moment and become whoever you want to be.
• Adopt a fluid self-concept.
• Try big things.
• Face your fears. Use them as sign posts, pointing the way to your best self.
• Fail often.
• Talk to strangers.

I wrote recently about beliefs changing over time, and how we shouldn’t cling too closely to them. In the comments, Miles made the distinction between beliefs and principles. I’d consider the above list to be the latter. I expect I’ll be writing encouraging words along those lines for as long as I live.

One last thing

If I were to die a horrible, unfair death, I’d like people not to hate whoever was responsible. That would just be a waste of energy, better directed elsewhere. And I’d like people not to miss me when I’m gone. In the words of Dr. Seuss,

Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.

If You Should Die…

This was all just a clever ruse to get you thinking about these things yourself

So, tell me:

• If you were to die soon, would you die happy with how you’ve lived your life?
• What would be the final message you’d like to share with the world?

I can’t find the exact quote, but I recall Steve Pavlina tweeting something along these lines many months ago:

You do realize that it’s impossible for me to continue to grow and evolve while simultaneously staying true to everything I’ve ever written, right?

A friend recently called me out on an old post I wrote which explained why I didn’t require people to subscribe to my mailing list before downloading my manifesto.

Except that now I do.

I’ve written lots of other things on this blog that I’ve since developed different views on. For instance:

• When I first decided to quit my job and go the self-employment route, I wrote that it would take me no longer than 3-4 months to start generating enough passive income to cover my expenses. In reality, it ended up taking me about a year to start covering my expenses, and I wasn’t able to do it with passive income.
• I believed I could put on 20 lbs of muscle, in six weeks, on a vegan diet, doing just one hour of exercise per week. That didn’t turn out so good.
• I’ve advocated both weekly planning and a quarterly prioritization exercise, but it’s been over a year since I’ve done either myself.

Right now I’m reading a book called The Vegetarian Myth. I balked at first when someone¹ suggested I read that book, for the same reason I expect many a vegetarian would: Doing so opens up the possibility that our plant-based worldview may not be so fantastic after all. But knowing how extremely important it is to question assumptions and test beliefs, I go ahead and read such books anyway.

The way I see it, if my worldview isn’t shatterproof, then it’s better it get shattered sooner rather than later.

I won’t write much about the aforementioned book here, except to say that it’s already changing my mind about quite a few things. I don’t agree with the author on every point, but I have to admit that she’s raised issues with vegetarianism that I’d never considered before.

Does this mean I’ll soon abandon my vegan ways? Maybe, maybe not. I give myself permission to change my mind if that’s what feels right. I’d rather not be one of those people who sticks to their beliefs even in the face of overwhelmingly contradictory evidence.

How to Change Your Mind

You’d think this would be easy, but it’s not. Everybody considers themselves to be open-minded, but we’re all closed-minded to varying degrees.

Most of us hold our beliefs sacred. Our identities are all wrapped up in them. And so questioning our beliefs becomes akin to questioning our very being. Unsurprisingly, we’re hesitant to do that.

Additionally, we’re afraid of what other people will think of us should we reverse our stance on something. When you’ve been an outspoken ambassador of X for several years, you’re wary of being labeled a hypocrite should you have a sudden revelation that Y is actually the smarter choice. That fear can hold us hostage, causing us to ignore the factual so we can stick with our original beliefs and not have to admit that we were mistaken before.

The solution is to never cling too closely to your beliefs in the first place. Stand apart from them. Realize that they’ll probably change over time.

By all means, live your beliefs to the max and share them with others, but don’t fall into the trap of thinking you have all the answers. Part of being committed to a life of growth and evolution is accepting that you’ll be proven wrong quite often.

What’s changed?

What beliefs did you once hold strong but later abandon? What caused you to change your mind? What might it take for you to abandon some of your current core beliefs?

“When I’m not experience telling, I’m bullshitting. I’m making stuff up. I’m theorizing about something that I know nothing about.” – Everett Bogue¹

This post was meant to be about cheating. I’ve met several guys in recent months who seem to have no problem cheating on their girlfriends, and such behavior doesn’t sit right with me. I was going to get all high and mighty in this post, telling you how I’ve never cheated on a girlfriend, and giving reasons why I never would.

But then I realized, shit, I’ve never really been tested!

It’s not like I’ve had ladies chasing me my whole life, and I haven’t had all that many girlfriends. What if 21-year-old me had been in a relationship but out sans girlfriend at a bar one night. And what if a really hot stranger started flirting with me at that bar and offered up no-strings sport sex back at her place? Would I have been strong enough to say no?

As Mike Tyson once said, “Everybody has a plan ’til they get punched in the face.”

I’ve never been punched, so what do I really know?

As such and for now, I’ll hold back on sharing all my thoughts on cheating. I’m gradually getting to the point with romantic relationships where I do find myself with more options, where I expect I’d have ample opportunities to cheat when in a relationship. So let me see what that’s like for a while and then get back to you.

Experience Telling

Ev Bogue got me thinking about all this. He strives to only write about things that he has direct personal experience with. As quoted up top, anything written about that’s not from personal experience might as well be considered bullshit.

I’m going to disagree a little with that though, or perhaps I’m just elaborating. Regardless: I believe it’s important to distinguish between direct and indirect experience, and realize that both can be valuable.

For example, imagine a husband and wife going through a rough patch in their marriage. They figure it might help to talk things over with someone who has experience dealing with such issues. Who should they go to?

1. An elderly couple they know who have been happily married for forty years.
2. A local priest who has been doing marriage counseling for twenty years.

Not so long ago² I would have told you that #2 was a stupid idea. What would a priest know about romantic relationships? Assuming he was a good priest, he would never have had any direct experience with such, whereas the elderly couple would be able to speak from direct experience, and therefore their advice would be much more valuable.

Right?

Perhaps not. While the elderly couple could share their experience, it would only be one experience. Their strategy for maintaining a happy marriage probably wouldn’t work for a lot of other couples.

Meanwhile, the priest could draw on his twenty years of experience dealing with all kinds of people in all stages of marriage. He’d be able to recommend several strategies to resolve certain issues because he’d have seen countless other couples attempt to resolve similar. He’d know what’s likely to work, and what isn’t. His experience, while indirect, would still be very valuable.

Your take

So I could tell you what I think about cheating and why it sickens me, but I wouldn’t be writing from any kind of experience, direct nor indirect. I’m flying blind both ways, at least for now.

So this post isn’t really about cheating. Let’s not even tackle that issue in the comments. Instead, tell me what you think of experience telling. What do you do when someone asks for your advice in an area where you have neither direct nor indirect experience? Do you try offer a helpful response anyway? Do you think it’s possible to give good advice without ever having been through or exposed to relevant experiences yourself?

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P.S. I just added footnote functionality to the blog (see below). Should help with reading flow while still providing additional info for whoever might be interested. Must give a shout out to Andrew Caldwell, since I stole the footnote idea from his blog

I’d rather live a life of “oh well’s” than a life of “what if’s.” – unknown

I was at a popular ruin pub called Szimpla here in Budapest a few weeks back. Standing at the bar with my friend Diego, my attention was drawn to a buzzing high table nearby. Around it were a dozen or so guys and girls, looking like they’d just stepped out of a hip magazine.

One of the girls in particular was drop dead gorgeous. Besides having a pretty face and amazing hair, she was also rocking a funky hat, and you know I’m just a sucker for a girl in a funky hat.

Within three seconds of spotting her, I asked Diego to excuse me and walked directly towards the table. I tapped Hat Girl on the shoulder and she turned to face me, a quizzical look on her face.

– Hey, don’t take this the wrong way or anything, but you look absolutely adorable in that hat and I just had to come meet you.

As she smiled, I could feel the attention of all her friends shifting towards me. So I added, with a smile of my own…

– Oh shit, is one of these guys here your boyfriend? Because that would be really awkward.

Hat Girl pointed across the table to the biggest guy in the group; 6-foot-6, built like a tank, and staring right at me. I held my smile and added a shrug in his direction. Raising my voice so he could hear me across the table…

– Sorry man, I just tried to hit on your girlfriend. You gotta teach me how to get a girl like this.

His stare softened, his face beginning to show a hint of amusement. I turned back to the girl.

– Well, I’m going to slink away now to avoid any further embarrassment. But I’m glad we had this time together.

With that I turned and went back to join Diego at the bar, who was shaking his head in disbelief.

– Hey man, I told him, I had to try.

Oh Well’s versus What If’s

Some folks have asked if I’ve continued to work on my flirting skills since I tried hitting on 100+ women in Amsterdam last November.

The answer is yes, though not with the same sort of intensity. I’ve probably approached close to another 100 women in the seven weeks I’ve been in Budapest.

I feel I’ve made steady progress, grown even more comfortable in my own skin, even less likely to let irrational fear get the best of me and not go talk to a girl I’m attracted to. But it does still happen that I chicken out every so often and pass up an opportunity. And it’s also still pretty common for me to approach an attractive woman and get rejected outright.

I’ve noticed though that the rejections never sting as much as the times I fail to try. Without a doubt, the oh wells are easier to swallow than the what if’s.

And, in case it’s not obvious, this doesn’t just apply to romance.

Whatever it is you really want out of life, go and give it your best shot. If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, well, at least you did your part.

And that’s all you really have to do: your part.

Nobody wins the lottery without at least buying a ticket.

Sometimes fate (or destiny, or whatever you want to call it) will meet you in the middle. And that’s magic. Other times though, you’ll be left waiting there alone, and fate will never show up, and you’ll feel like a failure. But take solace in the fact that you did your part. You put yourself out there and gave yourself a shot. That’s really all you can do. The rest isn’t up to you.

Celebrate that magic when it happens. When it doesn’t, shrug it off and try again.

Yes, it still stings. But a lot less than never trying at all.

“You can be more successful in two months by becoming really interested in other people’s success than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in your own success.” – Keith Ferrazzi, Never Eat Alone

I have a good story.

I’m an Irish guy traveling around the world without flying, for four years, working from my laptop.

And I’ve gotten pretty good at telling my story. I was at a language exchange last week and found myself the center of attention in a circle of seven people. They all seemed fascinated by what I had to say, and I was only too happy to keep my mouth flapping.

That kind of scene isn’t unusual for me these days. It happens quite often.

The problem is, I usually leave such a scene without knowing much about anyone else. I get so caught up in telling my own story and sharing my own ideas, that I fail to find out the interesting stories of others and learn from them.

It’s been the same online for a while now. I’ve been overly concerned with telling my own story, and have spent most of my time trying to make myself successful. I haven’t done a good job of connecting with others and helping them spread their message.

Changing it up

To try remedy this, I’ve decided to go extreme and flip everything for the month of February. What happens if I hold back on all the self-promotion and instead devote my time and energy to helping others succeed? What happens if I stop telling my story and encourage other people to tell theirs?

So here’s what I’ll be doing different in February:

• Listen more than I talk in conversation.
• All tweets and Facebook updates have to help promote someone else’s work.
• Reach out to at least one person every day and ask how I can help them.
• Actually follow through and help people, without any expectation of reciprocation.
• In every blog post that I write, highlight some cool shit other people are doing.

I’m also going to call on you fine folks to suggest other things I can do. This whole idea only came to me recently so I’m sure it can evolve into something much more concrete before February hits.

Measuring the success of this experiment will be tough. It will largely be intangible, but I think I’ll get a good feel for whether or not the whole thing makes a positive difference. I’ll report back in March and let everyone here know how it went. Hopefully it will lead to some positive, permanent changes in how I work.

Of course, in the long run I’ll always have to spend some time looking after number one and promoting my own wares, since nobody is ever going to care as much about my success as me. But I’d like to have a better balance between helping others and helping myself. For the last year or so I feel I’ve been too much on the ME side.

The hardest part of all this may be the face-to-face conversations. I love telling my story and sharing lessons I’ve learned with other people. Quite often though I get carried away and realize after half an hour that I’ve been doing all the talking and I’ve yet to learn anything about the other person. And this sucks because I know I can learn just as much from others as they can from me, if not more. So every time I dominate a conversation, I’m stopping myself from learning something new, and I’m missing an opportunity to make that person feel valued and important. That needs to change.

So, how can I help you?

Are you working on something cool that I can help promote? Is there someone in my network that you’d like to be introduced to? Or maybe I can help you out with a few tips on blogging or web development.

Keep in mind though that I won’t be doing lots of free web design work. I’ll still be charging my usual rate for that ($45 per hour) since I’ll need to make a living. But I’m happy to help point folks in the right direction or do small tasks for free. As long as it doesn’t take time away from my paid work, and I don’t have to spend more than 50 hours total in front of the computer per week, nothing’s really off limits.

Here’s to your success!

2011 was a year of transition for me. I quit my 9-to-5 job in November of 2010 and have since been trying to figure out this whole self-employment dealio. Not an easy task for a guy who’d never gone more than a month without a boss since the turn of the century.

I also adopted a nomadic lifestyle in 2011. I’d only ever been to five of the world’s countries before the start of the year, but somehow managed to visit ten before another January hit, spending a week or more in seven of them.

Regular visitors to Disrupting the Rabblement will know that I’ve been tracking all my income and expenditure through this transition, and posting detailed monthly reports to show how I’m making it work. If you caught my report for December, you’ll have seen that I’m finally earning enough to cover my expenses rather than eating further into my savings.

Below I’ll share with you a summary of all my income and expenses from 2011, plus a few lessons learned and my financial aims for 2012. Hopefully all this will help some of you fine folks going through a similar transition.

2011 Expenses

2011 Income

Other numbers of interest

Lessons Learned

I learned quite a few things over the past year as regards finances. Such as…

1. Forget passive income (at least in the beginning)

I spent the first six months of 2011 working hard to create passive income streams. That didn’t turn out very well.

While I believe it’s entirely possible to generate passive income, and plan to have another few cracks at doing so myself in 2012, I understand now that I was getting waaaaaay ahead of myself. Before I learn how to generate passive income, I first need to learn how to generate non-passive income on a consistent basis.

I feel I’m getting to grips with the latter now, but I’d be several months further ahead if I hadn’t spent so much time messing around with niche sites and the like.

2. How to save thousands of dollars a year

Simple: Quit drinking.

Apart from a few quiet months in Spain, 2011 might have been the most social year of my life. Even though I’d given up alcohol, I still went to pubs frequently, especially while in Cork, Amsterdam and Budapest. If I’d continued my usual drinking habits, I expect I’d have close to €0 left in the bank right now.

Aside from all the money I saved by giving up the drink, I also became more productive thanks to the absence of hangovers, and I developed some real confidence as regards flirting and dancing, instead of relying on alcohol to make me less self-conscious.

A few other quick tips for saving money:

1. Drink water. From the tap. It’s free and perfectly healthy in most of the Western world.
2. Don’t buy souvenirs. Take photos instead.
3. Travel for people rather than places. Stay with friends instead of paying for accommodation. (Just try not to take advantage.)
4. Don’t settle for the asking price.
5. Never buy when you can easily borrow.

3. It’s not enough to be good at what you do

If you’re self-employed, it’s not enough to be good at whatever it is you do. You also need to be good at things like networking, marketing and sales. Figure all that out and you’ll have clients knocking on your door instead of you having to pitch strangers all the time.

I was frustrated for several months trying to find web design gigs. I knew I had the skills to deliver a fast and quality service, but I didn’t know how to demonstrate such expertise to the right audience.

And I still have a lot to learn here. Listening to folks like Ashley Ambirge and Ramit Sethi helps.

4. Trust yourself

If you’re thinking of quitting 9-to-5 and starting to live life on your own terms, here’s the two-step plan of attack I recommend:

1. Save up a year’s worth of expenses.
2. Take the leap and trust that everything will be okay.

You learn fast and work hard once you give yourself no real choice but to succeed. I’m sure most folks would actually be okay taking that leap with less savings built up, but a year’s worth is good to aim for.

And by “a year’s worth of expenses”, I mean no more than €10k, regardless of where you live in the world. If you’re serious, you can get by comfortably on that without earning anything extra throughout the year.

Outlook for 2012

I feel confident now that I can earn €1k or more consistently each month, so I’m not overly concerned about income going forward. My main goal at the moment is to reduce the amount of hours I’m spending in front of the computer each week so I can get out and about more to enjoy my travels and meet with cool people. I’ve recently raised my freelance rates, so hopefully that will help.

As for expenses, I expect those to be lower for me this year since I’ll be spending several months living in relatively cheap places like India and Southeast Asia.

One thing I aim to make more of a priority this year is giving. In 2011, just a shade over 1% of my total expenditure went towards gifts and donations. I’m not at all satisfied with that number. I’d like it to be closer to 10% in 2012, and more like 20% in the long term.

Raam Dev gave me a lot to think about in this respect with his essay on Income Ethics. I especially like that he’s defined his enough ($15k per year) and aims to donate any earnings beyond that to charity.

Just imagine a world where everyone did that.

You and money

How did you fare financially in 2011? What are you going to do differently in 2012?

And have you ever considered tracking all your income and expenses like I do? Gotta say, it makes you a lot more conscious of your money. Especially if you commit to posting the numbers for the whole world to see

*** Explanatory bit for new readers / skip this if you know the dealio ***

I quit my 9-to-5 job in November of 2010 and I’m currently transitioning into sustainable self-employment. The plan is to earn the majority of my income online so I can travel indefinitely and work from anywhere with an internet connection, like a geeky Jason Bourne.

One of my main goals with this blog is to lay down a blueprint so others can learn from my journey and achieve their own freedom.

The biggest problem with leaving 9-to-5 is giving up the steady paycheck that comes with it. You’ll often have to endure a few lean months before you begin to see real money trickle in from your entrepreneurial ventures. That’s where I’m at right now, and I’d like to reveal exactly what that’s like and how I’m making it work. You can see just how much my lifestyle costs and how I afford it.

Three quick notes to help you understand how I track everything:

1. I round my expenses up and my earnings down. The idea here is that I’ll be left with a few extra Euros at the end of each month and I can go buy myself a a nice tub of hummus, or something.
2. Earnings don’t count until the money is in my bank account or the cash is in my hand.
3. I record what I spend and earn each day in a spreadsheet on Google Docs, or just on paper if I don’t have Internet access. I try to track absolutely everything.

*** End of explanatory bit ***

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