Niall Doherty » Blog

Earlier today I was looking for a quote which I believed spilled from the mouth of George Costanza in Seinfeld. It’s a classic…

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death! What’s that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you’re too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you’re young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating…

…and you finish off as an orgasm.

Amen.

As it turns out, this verse of genius did not come from George Costanza, but from comedian George Carlin. I didn’t know much of Carlin’s work, but some quick YouTubing and Googling has fixed that. I had come across his war quote before…

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

One of Carlin’s videos on YouTube had me shaking my head in disbelief rather than holding my sides in laughter. This, my friends, is just an amazing performance…

One small problem with Mr. Carlin, however. For all his genius, he never thought to hire a professional to build his website.